10 Things I LOVE AMERICA

In America, there are drawbacks, but the advantages are countless. America - a black affectionate mother, who presses his chest bums from around the world and feeds them with his sweet milk.


It's nice to live in a country where all are sent by post - and at the same time nothing is lost. Passports, credit cards, driver's license. On the other hand, to receive them immediately in his hands will not work, because the Americans - slaves lamps and follow the instructions to the bukovki. Again, the competition between Fedex, UPS and USPS does not allow any of them to relax. By mail, you can send almost anything except for people and pets, like this sometimes do not like. The neighbor's German shepherd, a neighbor boy, the very neighbor. Do not do without tricks. Until now, I can not understand the system by which one parcel is left at the door, and behind the other has to go to the post office. The cost of sending little correlated with it. My wife, for example, once brought a Canon lens, worth two thousand dollars directly under the door to the South Brooklyn. And I, on the contrary, had to go to the post office to sign for the sweater from Ebay price of twenty.


Few things cause as much irritation as cash stuffed in his pockets. Five-thumbed, edinichki, disintegrating into fibers. The idea of ​​how much these bills itch slobbering, I not enthusiastic. And trifle corpse pulls pockets shameful penny that always has to throw. In New York, despicable Asian woman did not want to sell me a beer because I did not have 25 cents, and these cards are not accepted Neanderthals.

Sunny California is in this sense - the staff perfect. Man bomzhatskogo type, pushing the sweater cashmere yarn at a flea market, elegantly pull out of his pocket iPhone, attach it to the terminal, and suggested a walk your credit card back and forth. So think before you try to use as excuses "no cash". Be civil honesty: do not want to buy - say so.


Culture shock - that's what I have experienced, having received an envelope with a check from the US Treasury after the first of his income declaration. Think about it: the government returns the citizens too taken taxes. Is this something unhealthy. Once a year, the American sent your tax return and receives the results of the check within two weeks, clearly, as if on parade.

In my view, the best thing the government can do for the citizen - is to forget about it, ensuring minimal amenities such as transport, sewage and electricity. Because the native state, as a rule, much less sentimental, to all this is the work of a crocodile - it always tries to register me at the address in the header to go to get a badge and have boiled bacon or stand in line at the passport office.


Big relief - to know that from any of the bushes along the way do not jump Knight in the Panther's Skin with a striped wand at the ready. Familiar to us cops sit with hairdryers in the hands of the bushes, despite the mosquitoes that devour them go, just to rip you labor penny. Well if it is, but the habit of popping up under the wheels - this is what creates endless emergencies.

American cops, to begin with, have no right to stop a car with good reason. They have no "verification documents" or the Month under the slogan "Your friend is a fire extinguisher." But the motorist has every right to go to court and challenge the penalty, and even the police have to show the grounds on which he was stopped and fined. In addition, every delicately: You hefty catches "Crown Victoria" includes flashing lights and patiently waits for you to find a safe place to stop. Derogatory run up Cop cars eliminated in you can shoot a gun. It is necessary to sit, breathe through the nose and wait for you to be discharged elegant yellow receipt.

Costco Wholesale network take back electronics bought them for three months - computers, cameras (used it four times). Sports shops REIprinimayut clothes for 60 days, it is currently a second-hand (his daughter buy a ski jacket every time it is necessary to bring their ride). Ross took my shoes back, which I had put on three times (they stuffed me calluses) and take back the suitcases on wheels (buy new every time I fly to Minsk). The main thing - is the ability to make face brick and smooth to say the legend of how incredible it is no matter: The computer does not know the Russian language, have a dark camera viewfinder, and the vest fully in the waist. With men good channel version vozrata - "I did not consult with his wife before the purchase." All sympathetic hush.


The country was built spacious. Love is the lack of parking claustrophobic, as usual at home. It all depends on the particular city, and in the afternoon, but if you find a place, it will be carefully marked out, and of such size that it is quite possible to park a small boat.


Two worlds - two toilet. Beaten, but the truth.

Public toilets in the United States are the subject of a cult. I swear I do not remember a single without paper, I do not go to this place. WC built everywhere can get the American people. Some traces of the people close to us mentality: toilet paper can be chained to the wall on a metal bar under lock and key, so as not to take it away. However, there is a paper! A man needs to feel comfortable, making the administration, so if the urinals are installed close enough to each other, then to the toilet compartment is always spacious. By area, usually close to Khrushchev's kitchen of the apartment. It can be hung on a hook clothing, stretch your arms, cracked his dorsal vertebrae. Special offers squeamish lining paper on the toilet rim. Many toilets are installed swaddling station for babies, both in male and female. Another reason to be glad for the American mothers.

With these dogs? They each other is not barking.

With all my sympathy for dogs and cats, pros cons win with a huge margin. Many of the owners are planning to become breeders? Why dog ​​owners dogs eggs? Because of male solidarity? So that was?

And I osculate each dog counter without risking to give her ear or part of the scalp, while the owner waits patiently. I like it a damn! March silent as never before: no one divides the territories, not to hear the familiar sounds as if in agony under a bush baby. They get sick less, live longer. In my opinion, super.

Ordering in restaurants should be cautious. If this is not a gourmet restaurant, of course. There's something to worry about: the vast plates rest homeopathic portions of food, radiating contempt. Around - the swirl of sauces and careless arugula as a scarf seamstress Aramis.

And in the institutions should be ordered without vyebonov modest, there are fed as feeding your grandmother when you were eight. Two eggs, sausage, waste heap of chips, vegetables. These two rye toast with butter, coffee and drink more slowly, because I always pour, do not ask. And orange juice, and a madman at the next table asked for more waffle with maple syrup. Carry me out of here, if you please. No, I have not able to.

Eight dollars for 0, 75 excellent brand. A liter of "Bacardi" is fifteen, a liter of "Jamison" - twenty-two. You can continue indefinitely. America, the country of lobbyists, long loves and knows how to thump. Shops alcohol similar to Orthodox churches, all glittering with gold and silver, circle, bearded men, and there is nowhere to sit.

The audience there is specific. In these shops is rarely seen in a typical Californian slippers, except that before the big holiday or a party. The vast majority of beer drinkers and wine.

Human nature is arranged in a perverse way. I liked to drink a glass or two at home, where a bottle of tequila can cost lousy poltosu, but among this sea poured out like something and do not want. Whether the climate is not the same, then there is nobody, or maybe they are in the air that is sprayed?

However, if I suddenly want to play Bukowski, the best place you can imagine.
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