1226
The Story of a cat
In good spirits, gorged itself cream, cat Barsik went for a walk on the roof terrace of the ninth floor.
Moving steadily, Barsik at the end of the path rested his head in whitewashing walls.
Then he decided to turn around, but could not resist on a narrow plank and slowly but surely fall down.
An outside observer, it was clear that the free fall not included in the plans of a cat, for he instinctively paws waving a couple of times (which it did not help), rolled his eyes and began to scream hysterically, rapidly picking up speed.
A few floors below smoked on the balcony Uncle Fyodor, the fates decreed crossing his long curly hair is no longer the flight path of a cat basking in the sun and occasionally spitting down on painters who were on duty in limbo in a cradle in the third floor and figuratively mothers Uncle Fyodor.
Attracted by the unusual sound, Uncle Fyodor looked up. Top, eclipsing the sun himself, approaching something dark.
After a moment, he realized that it was something that was not only dark but soft.
Snow leopard his head in his savior all available paws and, still yelling for joy claws.
Uncle Fyodor joy cat did not share. Hasmotrevshis films about aliens, he had fallen from the top ranked sites to the category of unidentified flying and fear roared even louder than Barsik.
His desperate cries attracted the attention they hang out on a bench in the courtyard of old ladies. "Shame, then what!" - Concluded one of them, then spat and shook her stick somewhere in the direction of new buildings.
A few minutes later Uncle Fyodor tore the same on behalf of scratching Barsika and unwind, threw the stranger whence he came, that is up. Floor above lived happily ever after, but drank away good plumber Zabuldygin brutally muchivshiysya morning syndrome chronic hangover.
Sitting in the kitchen and glancing at his watch, then the window fitter thinking about life. At 10.01., Recalling their behavior and the roar of the stricken fighter, flying down the neighbor's cat.
At 10.03. the neighbor's cat came back, stood for a moment at the highest point of the trajectory; apart legs to the side, turned around its axis, recalling locksmith helicopter Ka-50 "Black Shark", and unable to cope with any laws of physics, even more so with the laws of aerodynamics, continued to fall.
Zabuldygin was determined to quit drinking.
Heschastny Barsik flew down, bypassing the floor by floor, and without incident would get to the ground if he was at the level of the third floor did not fall painters.
Painters did nothing wrong.
They painted the house, attach the plate to the bottom of the cautionary its cradle so that the passer-by, turning a corner, initially received a few drops of green, or one or two more expensive white paint and only then, his head thrown back, read: "Caution! Painting work! »
Snow leopard, almost spraying paint, fish entered the bucket (all judges - 9 points).
Making sure that the liquid in the bucket although white, but not sour, the cat gradually started to get out.
Painters heard something they boomed in the paint. "He threw stones at us," - said the more experienced painter and looked into the bucket.
Stone unusual cat-like head shape surfaced suddenly opened his eyes.
The unexpectedness of the more experienced painter brush and dropped my name, saying, "Come out! Begone! "Pushed the bucket leg.
Bucket, turning in the air twice (Barsik get out of it already on the first turn), had almost fit a passing citizen, who asked not to say his name, and has become a white cat, barely touching the ground, sprinted to escape.
Scared sparrows and pigeons, he crossed the flower bed and began to climb smartly on the first available birch and climb it as long as it is not over.
And in the shade under a birch tree was hard fight, playing chess. Retired Timohin named GM grabbed the game is not a life and a bottle of vodka with the pensioner Mironov.
Got wind of such a significant prize money immediately janitor hanging around and seeing that the fight unnecessarily delayed, constantly advised that Timokhin, the queen sacrifice Mironov.
The very same game was unusually dull and fall Barsika with birch on the thirty-eighth move her very excited.
Pobuksovav little on the board regiments and scattered pieces, grabbed the cat teeth black queen and took to their heels in the direction of the players.
The first recovered janitor, he grabbed a stool and with a terrible cry, "Give queen bastard!" Launched its vosled skedaddle Barsiku.
Statistics show that cats are very easy to dodge the stools.
According to the committee, the probability to get a stool at twenty paces in a running cat or cat is practically zero.
In general, the average cat goes easily from a chair, and another thing - an intellectual Skripkin.
It's hard to say that he thought at that moment Skripkin but cry: "Give queen bastard!" And kick the stool back he obviously took to his account.
Startled all over, waving at the same time in ballet hands and dropping the bag of groceries, he ran to his porch as quickly as he could, and even faster.
Snow leopard, thinking to spend time quietly slipped into the bag with food.
Intellectual Skripkin bullet raced up the stairs (though always enjoyed the elevator) and got to the ninth floor (though he lived on the fourth).
Janitor, feeling that somehow everything turned bad, picked up the bag and decided to take it Skripkin, thereby to make amends to him his guilt.
Snow leopard, and felt like it was raised and sustained, pretended to be dead, believing that a horse or a boat it can be, and forgive, but the queen is certainly not forgive.
Janitor climbed to the fourth floor and rang the doorbell, at this point the cat pretending to be dead before that and not move for a greater likelihood began to depict the agony.
Bag in the hands of a janitor stirred ominously, bringing order to the indescribable horror. Throwing stirring bag at the door, honorary worker broom hit the run down the stairs and on the jamb at the finish.
To pull a little more for decency, Barsik listened: it was quiet, it's time to start the meal. Spitting queen cat with a professional understanding took up the sausage.
Twenty minutes later intellectual Skripkin, breathless for the garbage disposal on the ninth floor, convinced that there is no chase, and went to his home.
A few steps from the door lay his bag, smeared with white paint inside.
Already in the apartment made Skripkin revision purchased products. They were purchased:
a pound of sausages, a bag of sour cream and two lemons, and remains: a bag from under the sour cream, lemon, two (one of them bitten) and the figure for the game of chess.
Beside himself with anger at the bullies, not only spoil the products, but also abused bag Skripkin went to the balcony and looked out into the yard.
In the yard playing chess; black - pensioners Timohin and Mironov, white - the janitor, who had previously little match practice and confused in the figures.
Timohin moved replaces the missing queen rook inverted, and Mironov said: "You have the Shah."
"Do you mate!" - Screamed and ran intellectual Skripkin black and white queen from behind cover.
The ill-fated queen flopped in the center of the board and other figures scattered within a radius of three meters.
Terrible cry janitor, "I'll kill you!" Barsika found on the roof, where he climbed poobsohnut.
Dry was bored, paws stick to warm tar, and the cat began to rub right side of the antenna, which is all day yesterday to set one of the tenants.
Antenna safely dropped. In search of something, about what can be wiped, grief-paratrooper, this time on the stairs, went downstairs and out into the yard.
That's it hanging on the clothesline - old plaid.
Snow leopard hung on the blanket and pulled him to the ground. This is an outrage plaid saw the hostess, who lives on the eighth floor of an old woman, unsociable, spiteful, yet not without a certain charm attached to her senile marasmus. "Eva, what udumal," - said the old woman and began to scare the cat cries of "Shoo!" And "Sheesh!", But how it could scare Barsika!
Haoborot, he rolled onto his back and started to crawl on the rug.
Old woman began to whistle, whistle but instead she came out strange hissing, then it's a hiss, which suggest the neighbors to think that survived from the mind of an old woman somewhere got hold of the snake.
Not having succeeded in whistling, hostess plaid, donated her for another wedding, took a mop and swung as far as allowed sciatica, run it from the eighth floor. Mop, whistling past the painters, stuck into the ground a few steps from Barsika, he looked up, then suddenly jumped up and made it in time: the second mop muffled banged on plaid.
"Oh, you parasite Oh, you damned" - wailed an old woman, but damned parasite, from my own experience knowing that the grandmother was available only two mops, collapsed even more indecent posture.
Haschet number of mops Barsik was absolutely right, but he had no idea about the arsenal of boots.
Slyly smiling in anticipation of revenge, grandmother bruised hands do about rotational motion, and gave a volley of three consecutive boots.
All three felt boot hit the target, one of them even Barsika. Another ricocheted from the head of an experienced painter, caught off guard by his disciple, but the third flat boots hit the back of the janitor, who nadegustirovavshis prize moonshine, tired of intellectual games and vacationing nearby in the sandbox.
Both a painter swore dirty words, and the janitor woke up and tightened the song.
Snow leopard gave the tear. Grandmother on the occasion of such a successful throw issued victorious cry, imitating Tarzan.
Ninth-Peter attached to the bike bulldog named Hapoleon, and he was away in the store for bread. Hapoleonu was told to sit on the ground, but the instinct that prompted him fast-moving cat in space, was too strong. And here they were running three: Barsik, Hapoleon and bike last ran reluctantly, as loudly rang.
Ivan Sidorov, together with his little daughter went to buy her something nice birthday; happy, they returned home.
My daughter was holding a Japanese toy "tamagochchi" and Ivan was carrying on his outstretched hands huge cake.
Then they crossed the street cat. The girl cried Dad:
"Beware of the cat!" And then "Beware of the dog!", To which Ivan placidly replied: "Yes, I see," then hooked the leash Hapoleona, but has not fallen yet, but zabalansiroval cake, hopping on one leg, and to resist, if not arrived bike.
Like an enemy bunker covered Ivan just bought cake.
SOME passers situation seemed comical and they laughed, but did so in vain, because Ivan was a great man.
Rising, he did not go into details, and began to distribute slaps right and left.
Ten minutes later he finished handing out slaps and kicks moved on.
Most got Steklyashkin who openly resented and all wanted to know by what right he kicked, and ninth-graders Pete, he ran to the noise and asked the Ivan Ivanovich during a brief respite, if he had not seen his bicycle and a dog.
Already in the evening, tired of the daily hustle and bustle, the cat scratched paw Barsik door home apartment number 35 on the ninth floor.
Let him home, and the girl Lena, to which he treated with respect, because it is usually begged for his parents sour cream, only clasped her hands: "He is at this time all white!».
Resigned to the fact that the punishment he will wash Barsik sadly bowed his head.
After two hours, never washed clean, cat sitting on the lap of the hostess, who stroked him and says: "Well, where's that been? I was worried, I thought you crashed ».
How nice and cozy at home, quietly Barsik purred with pleasure and gratitude for what he stroked, and thought: "Why are some people so good and some evil?»
Found on
anekdot
Moving steadily, Barsik at the end of the path rested his head in whitewashing walls.
Then he decided to turn around, but could not resist on a narrow plank and slowly but surely fall down.
An outside observer, it was clear that the free fall not included in the plans of a cat, for he instinctively paws waving a couple of times (which it did not help), rolled his eyes and began to scream hysterically, rapidly picking up speed.
A few floors below smoked on the balcony Uncle Fyodor, the fates decreed crossing his long curly hair is no longer the flight path of a cat basking in the sun and occasionally spitting down on painters who were on duty in limbo in a cradle in the third floor and figuratively mothers Uncle Fyodor.
Attracted by the unusual sound, Uncle Fyodor looked up. Top, eclipsing the sun himself, approaching something dark.
After a moment, he realized that it was something that was not only dark but soft.
Snow leopard his head in his savior all available paws and, still yelling for joy claws.
Uncle Fyodor joy cat did not share. Hasmotrevshis films about aliens, he had fallen from the top ranked sites to the category of unidentified flying and fear roared even louder than Barsik.
His desperate cries attracted the attention they hang out on a bench in the courtyard of old ladies. "Shame, then what!" - Concluded one of them, then spat and shook her stick somewhere in the direction of new buildings.
A few minutes later Uncle Fyodor tore the same on behalf of scratching Barsika and unwind, threw the stranger whence he came, that is up. Floor above lived happily ever after, but drank away good plumber Zabuldygin brutally muchivshiysya morning syndrome chronic hangover.
Sitting in the kitchen and glancing at his watch, then the window fitter thinking about life. At 10.01., Recalling their behavior and the roar of the stricken fighter, flying down the neighbor's cat.
At 10.03. the neighbor's cat came back, stood for a moment at the highest point of the trajectory; apart legs to the side, turned around its axis, recalling locksmith helicopter Ka-50 "Black Shark", and unable to cope with any laws of physics, even more so with the laws of aerodynamics, continued to fall.
Zabuldygin was determined to quit drinking.
Heschastny Barsik flew down, bypassing the floor by floor, and without incident would get to the ground if he was at the level of the third floor did not fall painters.
Painters did nothing wrong.
They painted the house, attach the plate to the bottom of the cautionary its cradle so that the passer-by, turning a corner, initially received a few drops of green, or one or two more expensive white paint and only then, his head thrown back, read: "Caution! Painting work! »
Snow leopard, almost spraying paint, fish entered the bucket (all judges - 9 points).
Making sure that the liquid in the bucket although white, but not sour, the cat gradually started to get out.
Painters heard something they boomed in the paint. "He threw stones at us," - said the more experienced painter and looked into the bucket.
Stone unusual cat-like head shape surfaced suddenly opened his eyes.
The unexpectedness of the more experienced painter brush and dropped my name, saying, "Come out! Begone! "Pushed the bucket leg.
Bucket, turning in the air twice (Barsik get out of it already on the first turn), had almost fit a passing citizen, who asked not to say his name, and has become a white cat, barely touching the ground, sprinted to escape.
Scared sparrows and pigeons, he crossed the flower bed and began to climb smartly on the first available birch and climb it as long as it is not over.
And in the shade under a birch tree was hard fight, playing chess. Retired Timohin named GM grabbed the game is not a life and a bottle of vodka with the pensioner Mironov.
Got wind of such a significant prize money immediately janitor hanging around and seeing that the fight unnecessarily delayed, constantly advised that Timokhin, the queen sacrifice Mironov.
The very same game was unusually dull and fall Barsika with birch on the thirty-eighth move her very excited.
Pobuksovav little on the board regiments and scattered pieces, grabbed the cat teeth black queen and took to their heels in the direction of the players.
The first recovered janitor, he grabbed a stool and with a terrible cry, "Give queen bastard!" Launched its vosled skedaddle Barsiku.
Statistics show that cats are very easy to dodge the stools.
According to the committee, the probability to get a stool at twenty paces in a running cat or cat is practically zero.
In general, the average cat goes easily from a chair, and another thing - an intellectual Skripkin.
It's hard to say that he thought at that moment Skripkin but cry: "Give queen bastard!" And kick the stool back he obviously took to his account.
Startled all over, waving at the same time in ballet hands and dropping the bag of groceries, he ran to his porch as quickly as he could, and even faster.
Snow leopard, thinking to spend time quietly slipped into the bag with food.
Intellectual Skripkin bullet raced up the stairs (though always enjoyed the elevator) and got to the ninth floor (though he lived on the fourth).
Janitor, feeling that somehow everything turned bad, picked up the bag and decided to take it Skripkin, thereby to make amends to him his guilt.
Snow leopard, and felt like it was raised and sustained, pretended to be dead, believing that a horse or a boat it can be, and forgive, but the queen is certainly not forgive.
Janitor climbed to the fourth floor and rang the doorbell, at this point the cat pretending to be dead before that and not move for a greater likelihood began to depict the agony.
Bag in the hands of a janitor stirred ominously, bringing order to the indescribable horror. Throwing stirring bag at the door, honorary worker broom hit the run down the stairs and on the jamb at the finish.
To pull a little more for decency, Barsik listened: it was quiet, it's time to start the meal. Spitting queen cat with a professional understanding took up the sausage.
Twenty minutes later intellectual Skripkin, breathless for the garbage disposal on the ninth floor, convinced that there is no chase, and went to his home.
A few steps from the door lay his bag, smeared with white paint inside.
Already in the apartment made Skripkin revision purchased products. They were purchased:
a pound of sausages, a bag of sour cream and two lemons, and remains: a bag from under the sour cream, lemon, two (one of them bitten) and the figure for the game of chess.
Beside himself with anger at the bullies, not only spoil the products, but also abused bag Skripkin went to the balcony and looked out into the yard.
In the yard playing chess; black - pensioners Timohin and Mironov, white - the janitor, who had previously little match practice and confused in the figures.
Timohin moved replaces the missing queen rook inverted, and Mironov said: "You have the Shah."
"Do you mate!" - Screamed and ran intellectual Skripkin black and white queen from behind cover.
The ill-fated queen flopped in the center of the board and other figures scattered within a radius of three meters.
Terrible cry janitor, "I'll kill you!" Barsika found on the roof, where he climbed poobsohnut.
Dry was bored, paws stick to warm tar, and the cat began to rub right side of the antenna, which is all day yesterday to set one of the tenants.
Antenna safely dropped. In search of something, about what can be wiped, grief-paratrooper, this time on the stairs, went downstairs and out into the yard.
That's it hanging on the clothesline - old plaid.
Snow leopard hung on the blanket and pulled him to the ground. This is an outrage plaid saw the hostess, who lives on the eighth floor of an old woman, unsociable, spiteful, yet not without a certain charm attached to her senile marasmus. "Eva, what udumal," - said the old woman and began to scare the cat cries of "Shoo!" And "Sheesh!", But how it could scare Barsika!
Haoborot, he rolled onto his back and started to crawl on the rug.
Old woman began to whistle, whistle but instead she came out strange hissing, then it's a hiss, which suggest the neighbors to think that survived from the mind of an old woman somewhere got hold of the snake.
Not having succeeded in whistling, hostess plaid, donated her for another wedding, took a mop and swung as far as allowed sciatica, run it from the eighth floor. Mop, whistling past the painters, stuck into the ground a few steps from Barsika, he looked up, then suddenly jumped up and made it in time: the second mop muffled banged on plaid.
"Oh, you parasite Oh, you damned" - wailed an old woman, but damned parasite, from my own experience knowing that the grandmother was available only two mops, collapsed even more indecent posture.
Haschet number of mops Barsik was absolutely right, but he had no idea about the arsenal of boots.
Slyly smiling in anticipation of revenge, grandmother bruised hands do about rotational motion, and gave a volley of three consecutive boots.
All three felt boot hit the target, one of them even Barsika. Another ricocheted from the head of an experienced painter, caught off guard by his disciple, but the third flat boots hit the back of the janitor, who nadegustirovavshis prize moonshine, tired of intellectual games and vacationing nearby in the sandbox.
Both a painter swore dirty words, and the janitor woke up and tightened the song.
Snow leopard gave the tear. Grandmother on the occasion of such a successful throw issued victorious cry, imitating Tarzan.
Ninth-Peter attached to the bike bulldog named Hapoleon, and he was away in the store for bread. Hapoleonu was told to sit on the ground, but the instinct that prompted him fast-moving cat in space, was too strong. And here they were running three: Barsik, Hapoleon and bike last ran reluctantly, as loudly rang.
Ivan Sidorov, together with his little daughter went to buy her something nice birthday; happy, they returned home.
My daughter was holding a Japanese toy "tamagochchi" and Ivan was carrying on his outstretched hands huge cake.
Then they crossed the street cat. The girl cried Dad:
"Beware of the cat!" And then "Beware of the dog!", To which Ivan placidly replied: "Yes, I see," then hooked the leash Hapoleona, but has not fallen yet, but zabalansiroval cake, hopping on one leg, and to resist, if not arrived bike.
Like an enemy bunker covered Ivan just bought cake.
SOME passers situation seemed comical and they laughed, but did so in vain, because Ivan was a great man.
Rising, he did not go into details, and began to distribute slaps right and left.
Ten minutes later he finished handing out slaps and kicks moved on.
Most got Steklyashkin who openly resented and all wanted to know by what right he kicked, and ninth-graders Pete, he ran to the noise and asked the Ivan Ivanovich during a brief respite, if he had not seen his bicycle and a dog.
Already in the evening, tired of the daily hustle and bustle, the cat scratched paw Barsik door home apartment number 35 on the ninth floor.
Let him home, and the girl Lena, to which he treated with respect, because it is usually begged for his parents sour cream, only clasped her hands: "He is at this time all white!».
Resigned to the fact that the punishment he will wash Barsik sadly bowed his head.
After two hours, never washed clean, cat sitting on the lap of the hostess, who stroked him and says: "Well, where's that been? I was worried, I thought you crashed ».
How nice and cozy at home, quietly Barsik purred with pleasure and gratitude for what he stroked, and thought: "Why are some people so good and some evil?»
Found on
anekdot
