The response letter from the village leadership "Euroset"

In early July, I caught my eye internal letter "Euroset" in which the horror which sounded terrible statement about the quality of service, the company Samsung, there is still a lot of things. "Huyase!" - Said in our provincial town (population 40,000) - "not really something and we soon come to a civilization in the face of" Euroset ", and will be super-duper service, almost Freestuff phones and other goodies and nishtyaki ?! ". But how threatening it was said in a little letter, I quote: "Stick your enthusiasm in the ass and go to the village."
 Clearly follow the instructions manual, valiant workers of "Euroset" pathos stuck in the ass, and with it the service, but the service is, for some reason, much deeper. Again, whether the pathos been looking for, whether long to decide in whose ass his stick, but rough finishing shop building in the center of the city, only began in early December, in total secrecy, so that has not yet hung the sign, nobody I did not know that for such a monumental structure built accelerated pace.
 Justices in three weeks. Staff have begun to recruit, gave classified. The salary, by the standards of our city, promised such that the nation was in full confidence: boys will be at least the leading experts in the field of cellular phones and communications, and the girls to brighten up the stay the customer in the store will wear mini skirts and do blowjob right and left.
 And it's not just to be witty. I depart from the topic. Middle hunky our town, a 40-hour working week in the factory, of which we have 6 pieces, receives, on average, 4 - 6000 "wooden". And working conditions, to put it mildly, not Hawaii. Who has ever been to the big "sovkovski" enterprises - will understand. Engineer, college-educated, gets 7 - 10 thousand again, "wooden".
And then, Eptyt - just for anything, nor about that - 300 "regular American rubles!" And neither you specialty or scabs, or work experience. School barely finished, pulled his finger from his nose, wiped the snot out of the leg - and oars shovel grandmother. Heat, light and flies do not bite.
 By the way, about "heat" - a separate song, but this further.
 Opened right before the new year, people crowded the shaft, but fuck, it's interesting then! Everything is wonderful. I myself do not go back, there was no need. But recently I had to visit this institution as much as three times. Hopefully I will not have to, but first things first.

Visit number one.
 Purpose of visit. Buy phone credit (one asked me only credit is made).
 We call, ask that the same is needed for the loan. The answer is brief and concise, like a shot in the head - "Passport!" Yeah ... Well, fuck, people are busy with work, no time to everyone there on the phone all the chew.
 We arrive. A beautiful shop, all little yellow on the background of slush and mud - a solid and glamor krasotischa. Shop windows, walls, floor, ceiling, tables - all yellow and sellers in yellow T-shirts, harmoniously complement the furniture ... eyes unaccustomed to come, lost and stubbornly refuse to look in one direction.
 Oh! .. The guard, a rarity for our city. Ooh! The uniform that rare double, not only for our city.
 Hmm ... It looks like the work of little yellow boys and girls only and is in addition to the furniture, so for half an hour in the windows sticking to us no one came. Or maybe they have a marketing ploy - mimic furniture, scaring customers and vtyuhivat them pricey mobile phones while they are not recovered from the shock? Well, God bless them, we the people "Prastio" not proud, chosen one modelku and came to the girl: "Like, do not think for insolence, but would not it be kind enough to respect ... and so on." Hmm ... IT, 17 years old, looking up from a minute to write SMS-ki, get the phone, crawls to the nearest table and silently drops into a chair. The person with whom all these actions are performed, would do honor to elite schools Gestapo.
 And now, about the "light and warmth ...". Everyone remembers the slogan "Euroset" "We soar its suppliers." Hover - an understatement, but bl #, for some reason, customers, and in the truest sense of the word! The street was exactly -30, ebstestvenno, people do not come in shorts and sellers in sleeveless T-shirts, complaining of the heat, poor guy. And the fact that customers in fur coats and hats, after 5 minutes in the store, slowly drain into boots, shoes, boots and other insulation they never occurred. Ventilate the room is not destiny? Or at least slow down heating ...
 The girl unpacked the phone, we see: "Yeah ... I do not tell you, Hon, how it differs from models that UNV?»
 From this view, I wanted to die and never again here not to appear, but once promised to help the person remain. Next quote 'I know how, see the catalog. " Well, it at least apologize for asking.
 Go credited. Here finally a separate song. The loan does not provide, at any time, as is customary in local stores. Ask, what? Well, not so simple. This sacrament they depend on the phase of the moon, and the stars in the sky, weather conditions, political situation in Uruguay and even from some, I do not know the factors. As a result, they do not know when it sobsno give. Those. In practice, it is necessary to come to the store and ask, "How much Sedna will give loans?" We were lucky, got into a good time. But there were people in the queue, that the third day comes. Average service time per customer - 35 minutes.
 Hooray! When I had begun to boil and the heat sink, and came to us all! 3 14zdyk! Apotheosis, bl #, and the culmination of ... It turns out that in addition to the passport nuzhon yshcho one document. A call was not destined to be said? The result - a half hour spent in vain.
 Came the next day.
 "Total" two hours in a queue and we begin to make out the loan. In the design of sitting girl, apparently the only one in the store at least something thinks. And because at the same time on the phone advising someone else, constantly runs off to the checkout, as it sits for IT, which is afraid to press the button at the same time advises the sellers in the hall and the paperwork for the loan customers. Accordingly, the expression in his eyes, like a horse from a joke, "Bl # where am I'll die?!?" Pearls staff finally defy logical explanation. The woman bought the machine. Boy draws purchase. Next dialogue:
 M. - Connect will,
 G. - Yes.
 M. indignant - What you broke today?
 In fact, for what Pipelet phone, from the standpoint of 17? In igrulki play, listen to music, pofotkatsya before povyё familiar ... and here also have decided to connect! Huyase! Maybe even talk on it going?!?
 In general, formed a lasting impression that I had a big favor by selling the phone in just 2 days, that is 4, 5:00 pure time.

Visit number two.
 It was near to the ATM lazy to go (and Th, we though "village", but it is good enough), went to pay for the phone in "Euroset". It was about 10.00, payment enrolled at 16.00 ... the toll on the city, as the fleas in a dog - 2:00 longer anywhere can not expect the rate of 10-15 minutes.

Visit the last number.
 Cover with a simple home phone, DECTovy. Cried his wife, was buried ... We decided to buy a new one. I walked to the local shops, in principle chosen, but still went out of curiosity into the yellow shop. Reaction sellers - read above. Like one models, I turn to the guy saying "Wrap, Daraga!" Yeah, schaz, dreaming ... a decent answer: "We do not know the price, and know only tomorrow." Question: "And on you ... why then finally put on a showcase without a price?»
 Crossed the road, went to the local hardware store immediately approached the boy (the same age as that of "Euroset"), I asked what interested, immediately offered several options, well having painted the advantages and disadvantages of each. Payment, took on everything about everything - 10 minutes. Politely, convenient, fast.
 Again, to quote the above letter. "Can make money in small towns: Low Rent + credit + squalid competitors + best place in town + The best sellers in the city»

Similarity totals. Impression? Well I do not know. Good enough.
 Guidelines "Euroset" would recommend to check out various booklets on the theme "Is there life outside Moscow?" Do not take the example of the "Eldorado", the name of which, even in the province has become a dirty word.
 My dear heads! Yes, you get one! The village - not necessarily "village!". Local "wretched competitors' bytovuhoy and office equipment, to survive, to have every week on time - two dangle item to Moscow, 20 hours behind the wheel. Gnaw volumes and discounts to entice a buyer, because we have not enough of them. By the way, the warranty on the majority of goods, the "poor competitors" - 3 years, rather than a year, as opposed to you. Because, in small towns, "word" radio is faster and effectiveness of any advertising. Lazhaneshsya once - will be laundered annually.
 And loans "village" shops are on more favorable terms and at lower interest rates than in the "Euroset". For men we make crumbs, and count these crumbs are very frugally.
 My dear leaders "Euroset"! In the 15 years since the collapse of the USSR, Moscow live their lives, and all the rest of the country - its. Cool and the sad thing is that Muscovites learned during this time live on the 1, 5 - 3000 "uev" per month, and all the rest - 4 - 6000 "wooden". This is taking into account that the rent, "komunalschina" and grub, we are the same with you.
 Therefore, only a poet, a man far from the office, wanted to make a gift in the form of a mobile phone to his wife, son or daughter, popretsya to you, having bought advertising. Because you have less, though on a dime. Because the difference is 200 rubles for his weight. And it is worth it, the poor fellow, flowing then 3 14zdyulyami from your "service". And it is in the vaunted "Home Credit" with predatory interest. But ...
 But if you really want to make money in small towns, the "Stick your enthusiasm in the ass and go to the village." We are waiting to ... :)

February 2006
 Czar (as amended Motorheada)


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