Funny patents. Really enjoyed it, although it may not be a new

Device and method for breathing fresh air (US Patent number 4,320,756)
A large number of fires in high rise buildings and hotels has necessitated the development of systems for breathing people in buildings covered by fire before the arrival of rescue or fire.
As can be seen from the figure, you can breathe through a hose inserted into the toilet.
About the freshness of air is hard to say, but to breathe, apparently you can.

Protection system for motorcyclists (US Patent number 5,781,936)
In case of accidental separation of the rider from sitting motorcycle, triggered inflation compressed gas system of special bags, which reduces fall onto the ground. How many times the driver bounces on these cushions with such a fall is not specified.

Clock showing the "real" return of the animal (US Patent number 5,023,850)
Device and special clock to count the age allow any pet, correlated with an average term of life of the people. For example, for a dog one year of her life is about 7 years in the life of its owner. Thus, the presence of this device will accurately determine how much your dog years and days in terms of human life. Convenient for the calculation of the retirement age at "dog" life.

Device for entertainment kicks (US Patent number 6,293,874)
The apparatus allows the user to have fun by getting kicks, and the frequency of "samopinaniya" defines himself depending on how fast it spins manual transmission.
It should be noted that the shoes that he receives said kicks, in accordance with the claims made of a flexible material. The aim of the invention is formulated in general terms: entertainment.

Wet suit with protection from sharks (US Patent number 4,833,729)
Is a rubber suit with a helmet and having a plurality of studs, which should protect swimmers from shark attacks. Remains virtually unprotected, only the lower rear part of the body.
Design development, apparently, and can protect against attacks by women.

Bra with built-in capacity for storing drinks (US Patent number 6,241,575)
Pioneering invention now enables the ladies always carry a certain amount of drinks, including spirits, which not only allows them to forget the feeling of thirst, but also makes the owner of bras more attractive depending on the number stored in the heart of drinking. The number of different devices related to pumping beverages in special built tanks and their subsequent use is amazing.

Simulator for teeth (US Patent number 1,466,559)
In view of the fact that modern food requires less effort to chew it, the proposed device allows you to keep in the form of the teeth, gums and facial muscles. You can train and one, but the company probably more interesting.

Deodorant with swelling (US Patent number 6,313,371)
The patented design of seals for persons suffering from floor heaving stomach contains carbon filtration multistage system that allows others more comfortable to carry the burdens caused by such problems. Easy to use and does not interfere with the user to wear, which is achieved by a well-designed system of back fastening. On the acoustic device is no information.

Bird trap cats for food (US Patent number 4,150,505)
The device allows you to catch all the birds flying in a birdhouse, but cat food intended only sparrows. Smaller birds are able to get away in time. According to calculations by the inventors have enough food not only your cat, but cats and neighbors.

Fork with a warning device (US patent number 5, 421, 089)
Fork this design, which contains a signaling device helps not rush while eating. Chewing food thoroughly, you are helping the American public. Until the green light.

Stroller SUV (US Patent number 2, 224, 452)
First SUV for children, allowing to overcome all obstacles. There is a hand brake. Our pedestrian ways, probably better.

Flying Bed (US patent number 4, 888, 836)
Filled with an inert gas inflatable bed allows you to increase the day even small apartment. Easy to use.

Advanced skater (US Patent number 5, 926, 857)
The presence of 26 rollers located in almost all parts of the body can be successfully ride in all sorts of poses as one, and in the company.

Ankle skiing (US Patent №3, 689, 092)
These skis can not only prevent falls during the descent from the mountain, but more acutely feel the sliding velocity, being a person in the vicinity of the snow.

Vaterklozetny timer (US patent number 5, 281, 823)
Built-in timer allows you to significantly speed up all morning. According to the author, the timer in this place is most effective for men. Probably remember other kitchen appliances for cooking breakfast.

Manual toothbrush (US Patent number 5, 875, 513)
Allows you to brush your teeth, feeling every one of them with his finger. For one thing they can be counted and.

Carry cot (US patent number 6, 433, 277)

Headphones for dogs (US Patent №4, 233, 942)
Allow dogs with long ears not to spoil them with a walk. Like dogs because they do not realize how silly they look in them.

Apparatus for injection terrorist (U.S. Patent number 3, 481, 328)
In a chair mounted "device" with a needle, through which loins terrorist team commander should do or sleeping pills or poison - despite what charge capsule. Completely bloodless way to free the hostages and aircraft.
As conceived by the inventor, when a suicide vorvёtsya the cockpit or in a conversation with the flight attendant will start to make their claims, it should gently ask to sit in the chair, which, in fact, it and defused.
According to sarcastic Vankliva, the inventor did not realize that the terrorist may refuse to sit in a chair or have time to hide, for example, in the toilet.
In addition, not reported at all if the crew members will have access to the coveted key, which will regulate the supply of sleeping pills.

Defender crunch (US patent number 4, 986, 334)
The inventor pointed out in an accompanying note that the trivial filtering prevents crispy flakes pads and soak in milk, and therefore with great pleasure that children eat them, which, of course, ultimately solve the problem of the nation's health.
There is nothing to explain - the liquid wets crunchy pieces and drains into the "settler". Crazy hands, in a word.

Syringe Bunny (US Patent number 3, 299, 891)
The comments do not need - children in 1967 were also afraid of injections, as well as modern.
It is striking that the invention was patented at all - it was too simple. It looks like a rip-off - all the same that the patenting of sound "zhzhzh", imitating the sound of a spoon-aircraft that flies into the open mouth of the child.
Commentator sarcastically wrote that the reputation of the Bath was threatened.

Alarm in diapers (US Patent №4, 205, 226)
Principle: in diapers, diapers or pants set humidity sensor, which indicates the proper humidity level ... than "removes psychological problem squeamish young parents." Fu you - well, you.
In fact, nothing in this absurd invention have, as already equipped with new uniform soldiers such sensors, which regulate the humidity and temperature of the clothes, according to the body temperature, ambient temperature, and so on.

Poglazhivatel to Fight pets (US patent number 4, 872, 422)
Ted Vank, Kelbajar (Ted VanCleave), author of the collection, does not go into details, but it seems that they are not important - dog, in principle, suitable for mechanical arm, which begins its pochёsyvat.
The trick is in the right "fit" the angle and direction of scratching to the size of the dog - a complex system of springs should make pochёsyvanie enjoyable and painless "for wool».
It is unclear whether the dog will understand which side approach. It is unclear what "love machine" is preferable to a table leg, for example.

Flushed Away toilet for cats (US patent number 4, 131, 331)
The system works as follows: cat lestnichke rises in its box, which is located on an elevated - perhaps on a conventional toilet.
"Once", the box itself begins to descend. Sensors mounted on the ladder, it is determined that the cat left the "scene».
Next is automatically included flushing, and feces disappear in the crater bowl. Beautiful and elegant. Especially in the part where the cat majestically up and down the stairs.
One problem - cats hate water and harsh sounds, especially around the toilet. It is doubtful that the author was acquainted with cats.

Mouse puppet (US Patent number 4, 327, 688)
The idea is simple and worthy director of any amusement park or The initiator. For cat children can play with mallets instead of the mouse you can make figurines badgers or humans. Accordingly, the game can be renamed to bin Laden Puppet (then the patent would be issued in 2001).
In this case, the author really familiar with cats and with scars that they leave during the game. In explanation, and it is written: "As a result of injuries a person sick to immerse your hands in hot water, which creates a lot of difficulties in everyday life." As you understand, Mouse Puppet lets have fun without the risk of being injured.

Pantyhose x3 (US Patent №5, 713, 081)
If you think that this mutant stockings for pets or for conjoined twins, you're wrong. It Pantyhose x3 (№5, 713, 081, patented in 1997, mind you, a year) for the ordinary and the two-legged women.
The principle of operation is simple to ugliness. When torn pantyhose, you hide the ragged "stocking" in the pocket on his belt and pulled out a whole. It is strange that the author is limited to four "stockings" - would have immediately realized Semynoha tights called "week." In a word, disgusting idiotic invention.

Floating Shadow (US Patent №5, 076, 029)
Where is the umbrella? That's right! On his shoulders. "Umbrella" is a helium pillow in straps with adjustable length threaded through his hands and - go ahead. Robinzonovskaya joy called dull and flat: Floating Shade («floating shadow"). The rain does not help, but from the sun - it is.
Patented in 1991 (№ 5, 076, 029). We put on a Chinese manufacturer - they like umbrellas.

Cooling hat (US Patent №4, 551, 857)
In hot weather, it is recommended to wear "cool hat" solar-powered - Cranium Cooler (№4, 551, 857, No. 1985). The energy collected by "mirrors" works in the cooler installed inside the hat or on the sidelines - you decide where should the wind blow.

Beer kegs on the head (US Patent №5, 966, 374)
According to the author of the patent will be in demand partygoers, and there is nothing that will please the guests, as the host, met them in the Keg Head. Possible. Although, they say, "and this Hochma you are traveling to Odessa?"

Roller trainer
Indeed, the most concerned about the beginner skater? Well, of course, to maintain the balance!
The idea of ​​the inventor, the best way to turn heavy and traumatic process of learning in a fun fun - give future athletes just such a "horse" with a playful attractive face, put on a four wheel and is equipped with a bicycle wheel.
Need to be very eccentric millionaire to afford to appear in public riding on this conic. But, unfortunately, eccentric millionaires - people tend to mature, so the market for a brilliant trainer until ripe. In the utility.

Scooter with flywheel
How do you, for example, the idea of ​​an innocent prisobachit scooter heavy flywheel? From the point of view of the author of the patent, the idea more than a genius.
Why spend time and energy on tedious repulsion from the ground if you can do more difficult: to spend half an hour on the promotion of the flywheel, but then to five minutes to reach the nearest Penny Arcade?
The main thing - to understand how the flywheel spins up.

Author guessed connect the unconnected children's tricycle velosipedik and quite adult lawnmower.
It is strange that in the last eighteen years (the patent was obtained in 1984), no one was going to organize mass production of this amazing hybrid: the problem nekoshenyh lawns decided to itself.
Although, such a decision would bring down labor market Lawnmower. Dark History ...

Emergency wing (US Patent №5, 111, 395)
A special topic is a means of providing passive safety of those who have barely learned to control motor vehicles, and if the concrete - motorcycles.
Here palm belongs, of course, the invention with a beautiful name «Crash Wing», that is - "Emergency Wing" (US Patent №5, 111, 395, issued in 1997).
What happens to a motorcyclist collided with, say, track sidecar? He quickly takes off from the saddle, flying a few meters and then gracefully glides over the surface of the earth, like a Boeing-747 emergency landing.
Obviously, a similar association moved and the owner of this patent. However, he came to his idea too literally.
At a time when the hapless rider leaves the seat of his steel horse behind him grow wings white parachute-glider, which is filled with fresh wind blows frustrated victim away from the crash site.

Airbag for motorcycles
Instead of wasting time fighting with unruly parachute lines, biker enough to wear a garment that resembles a cross between a mattress to suit the highest biological protection and properly fasten your seat belt. At a time when the rider leaves the seat leather upholstery, natyanuvshiysya belt will pull the emergency alert and compressed air cylinder instantly (probably) will transform suit anthropomorphic semblance balloon. Then everything is simple: from the motorcycle left a pile of scrap metal, and the biker did not notice anything, jump itself further.

Advertising on the forehead (US Patent number 5, 256, 595)
It is on this part of the face sports fans can burn the name of your favorite team.
To do this, you must use the skin stencil!
Expand his cap with a visor Skin Stencil back, wait as follows under the scorching sun and red lettering on the forehead is guaranteed.

Gas Phone (US Patent number 5, 308, 063)
The invention is made with the best intentions, some children suffer from "breathing" disease and should receive periodic dose aerosol inhalers but do not love, and chatting on the phone, imitating adults. And then comes to the rescue Phone Gas.
Gas hose supplied to the tube a special toy machine. When it comes time to inhalation, the phone gives a pre-recorded message or plays music as an alarm clock.
Pope offers his son to come to the phone. The child picks up the phone and at the moment when he opens his mouth (eg, yawning), caring parent presses the magic button, and from the tube to spew therapeutic gas.
The inventor did not realize that it is able to understand even the cat: poison gas, I just poisoned the other, but for the third time to this phone and I will not come close.

Children's Prison (US Patent №4, 205)
The inventor, who apparently had too much to change baby diapers, found the council on small aquatic creatures - is a children's prison.
Junior thoroughly blocked on the changing table, his stomach presses a massive arc, and feet shackled Velcro - anywhere it is now not going to go away, do with it what you want. It is strange that this device does not provide for a mouth gag.

Helmet with a greenhouse (US Patent №4, 605, 000)
Helmet with a greenhouse, insulating you from all over the world.
True, there is a possibility of contact with the public via the microphone and speakers, but the air in the helmet will not penetrate. And how to breathe?
Oh, no problem: a pair of cacti installed on small shelves in your ears will provide you with a certain amount of oxygen. Whether it will be enough for normal life, the inventor does not report.

Brain siren (US Patent №34666)
Designed for those who sleep in the wrong place at the wrong time, but wants to wake up quickly.
To bring yourself to an active state, it is necessary to bite the tip of a thin vibrating wand.
Vibrations are transmitted brain, you wake up safely. Gorgeous Gear and mozgodrobilka.

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