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Invisible scars: How Childhood Shame Shapes Adult Personality
"You're bad": How childhood shame becomes a prison for the adult soul
They perform projects perfectly, but are afraid of mistakes. They build relationships, but unconsciously expect betrayal. According to the American Psychological Association, 68 percent of adults with chronic feelings of inferiority experienced systematic humiliation in childhood. We understand how to recognize the “broken trust syndrome” and restore emotional immunity.
Psychological Labels of Shame: 6 Signs
Dr. Brene Brown, in his book The Gifts of Imperfection, calls shame “the silent killer of identity.” What are the traits of an adult who was shamed in childhood?
★ Emotional patterns
- Perfectionism as Armour The fear of judgment is transformed into an obsessive desire for perfection.
- Emotional anesthesia Inability to recognize and express feelings (alexithymia)
- Impostor syndrome Even with objective success, a person considers himself “unworthy.”
★ Social strategies
- Hypercontrol of relationships A subconscious search for “proof” of future betrayal.
- Fear of authority The boss or teacher is perceived as a threat (the “fight-run-freeze” reaction).
- Inability to accept compliments Praise causes discomfort (“I didn’t deserve it”)
3 steps to healing: strategies from therapists
- Rewrite the internal dialogue. Two Chairs: Imagine your inner child and tell them what you would like to hear as a child.
- Create a “trigger map”. Write down situations that cause irrational shame and analyze their relationship to past experiences.
- Practice “conscious vulnerability”. Start small by sharing an imperfect story on social media or admitting a mistake at work.
Glossary
Alexithymia
The inability to identify and verbalize emotions is often a consequence of trauma.
Toxic shame
A deep belief in one’s own “viciousness,” as opposed to a healthy shame for a particular act.
Emotional regulation
The ability to manage the intensity of emotional reactions.
Important: If the injury affects the quality of life, consult a specialist. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and schema therapy show 89% effectiveness in dealing with the effects of childhood shame (NCBI data).
