8 Signs That People Are Not Who They Say They Are

Description: This article will tell you how to understand that a person is not what he tries to seem. Here are eight main signs that will help you recognize hidden lies and deception in time. See more details in the first comment.




In today’s society, we encounter a huge number of people, and not all of them are frank and sincere. Some try to appear better or more influential than they really are. Others skillfully use others’ trust, building whole illusions to cover up their true intentions. The question of how to notice the “mask” in time does not lose its relevance. From the perspective of popular science, the ability to detect lies and insincerity is based on a combination of psychological knowledge and observation skills. It’s not just about body language, it’s also about styles of speech, actions, and contradictions between words and actions.


According to various studies (see social psychology), people often resort to image simulation, especially if they want to make a strong impression. But the art of recognizing the discrepancy between reality and the facade being created can also be developed, even without professional training. It is enough to carefully monitor the nuances of behavior and evaluate human actions in dynamics. Below, we will discuss the eight most common signs that will help you suspect that you are not the one he (or she) claims to be.


Why it is so important to be able to recognize deception

The ability to distinguish truth from lies is not only a tool for self-preservation, but also a basic component of a healthy relationship. When we let the cheater manipulate us, we risk losing resources, time, and psychological stability. Some people tend to embellish their personality for the sake of social approval, while others cynically use the trust of the interlocutor for selfish purposes. In the first case, we are talking about attempts to increase their attractiveness, and in the second – about systematic abuse of trust and possible fraud. It is not always easy to understand what motivates a person, but there are a set of signs that allow you to draw reasonable conclusions.


Main article: 8 signs of hidden insincerity

1. Inconsistency between words and actions

One of the most important indicators is the gap between what a person says and what they do. For example, someone may claim to value honesty and openness, but constantly shy away from answers or withhold important details. Or reassuring his friendship and loyalty, but disappearing at times when he should have been helped. If you notice that words are not supported by real actions, this is a reason to be wary. Sometimes people unconsciously contradict themselves, but the systematic inconsistency suggests that they may be trying to create a false image of a “sincere and friendly” person.


2. Excessive desire to like

The next sign is when a person seems to “cease to be himself”, trying in every possible way to please. In psychology, this phenomenon is sometimes described by the concept of “adjustment to the interlocutor”. Of course, in a moderate form, such flexibility indicates high communication skills, but if the adjustment becomes excessive, then there is an impression of falsehood. For example, a person suddenly shares all your interests, even those you’ve never heard of before. Or overly praises you in every detail, clearly trying to earn quick credit. Such behavior often hides the need for profit. In this case, smiles and compliments are just a way to open the door to your location.


3. Constant inconsistencies in the biography

If a person is really not who he claims to be, he may be confused about the simplest facts of his life. Starting to talk about studying at one prestigious university, after some time he will indicate a completely different specialty or terms of study. Or he may have different versions of where and who he worked in the past. Skillful liars can be good at details, but rare but meaningful "punctures" are always possible. Pay attention to how the interlocutor reacts if you ask to clarify the inconsistencies. If he changes the subject abruptly, defends aggressively or gives incoherent explanations again, this is a sign that you are in front of a “role” and not a genuine person.


4. Overreaction to ordinary questions

Imagine: you accidentally ask about some simple facts - where a person comes from, how long he lived in a particular place, which he especially loved as a child. In response, he suddenly becomes nervous, snaps or shifts the conversation to another topic. Overreaction can also manifest itself in the form of excessive, “too detailed” stories, in which there are many unnecessary details and excuses. This often happens when a person tries to patch up inconsistencies in their legend. From the point of view of social psychology, such behavior reflects internal tension, as a person is afraid of “failing” if his untruths are revealed. Of course, any of us can have painful topics that we don’t want to discuss. But if even simple questions cause obvious discomfort, you should think about why.




5. Mirror copying your style

People trying to gain someone else’s trust can “mirror” not only the words, but also the manner of behavior. This is manifested in the repetition of gestures, the mention of the same books or movies, as well as copying elements of the image, whether it is clothes or a way of speaking. A small mirror adjustment is a natural element of empathy that promotes harmonious communication. However, when it comes to the grotesque, it feels like you are talking to yourself. Sometimes such copying occurs with funny inconsistencies: a person may accidentally confuse a fact from your life with a “your” memory. Such a “capture” of someone else’s story is another alarming sign that you are facing an insincere personality who is not sure of her own inner self and is looking for external supports for manipulation.


6. Lack of real friends or witnesses of the past

This feature is important for understanding whether a person really has the social and biographical basis he is talking about. If every time he mentions friends or colleagues, he responds with general phrases, never mentions specific names, and his “close friends” miraculously remain in the shadows, this is a reason to think. Especially if you’ve been communicating long enough but haven’t seen a single person you know. Of course, some people have a narrow social circle, but complete absence or complete secrecy about the past may indicate an attempt to hide their true history or occupation.


7. Contradictory attitude towards different people

Often, a person trying to create the appearance of a “perfect friend” for you may be harsh or even hostile toward others. It can be casual acquaintances, waiters in a cafe or family members. If you see one person in a conversation with you — polite, considerate, and full of praise, and in a situation with someone else — suddenly showing rudeness or arrogance, there is a risk that you, too, are “participant in the play.” You should also be wary when a person emphasizes that he is special with you, and everyone else in his life is not worth attention. This contrast in behavior often indicates a desire to manipulate relationships for short-term gain.


8. Constant attempts to manage the situation

If you regularly try to control where you’re going, what you’re going to discuss, who you’re going to meet, and how you’re going to spend your time, you’re probably a person with manipulative tendencies. Often, such management is designed to prevent your “communication with the outside world” from revealing inconsistencies. For example, he may discourage you from introducing him to your friends or relatives for various reasons: “I’m too tired,” “I don’t like unfamiliar companies,” “We don’t have common interests.” In reality, there may be a fear of being exposed. People who are “not who they say they are” often look for ways to minimize their “victim’s” contact with others to avoid fact-checking.


How to behave if you notice warning signs

So we looked at eight signs of possible insincerity. Of course, the presence of one or two points does not always indicate maliciousness. A person may be withdrawn, shy, or simply have a difficult past that they don’t want to talk about. But the combination of these factors should be a signal for more cautious and thoughtful behavior. In case of doubt, you should ask direct questions, observe the reaction, and, if necessary, consult with loved ones whom you trust.


Communication is always a complex fabric of words, emotions, subconscious reactions and social conventions. There is no universal “scanner” that accurately defines honesty. However, if you are attentive to detail, do not hesitate to clarify doubts and at the same time maintain a healthy skepticism, the chances of becoming a victim of cheating are reduced. Remember that close relationships are built on trust and sincerity, and if you notice systematic contradictions, this is a reason to reconsider the interaction.






Glossary

Social psychology is a science that studies the patterns of behavior and activities of people due to their inclusion in social groups and communities.


Adjustment to the interlocutor is a communication strategy in which a person partially copies the gestures, manner of speaking and communication style of another to establish rapport or evoke sympathy.


Gestures are nonverbal body movements that can express emotions, intentions, and attitudes toward the other person.


An overreaction is an inadequately strong response to a minor stimulus or question, most often indicating an internal conflict or an attempt to hide the truth.


Manipulation is a hidden influence on a person (or group) aimed at making him act in a certain way that is beneficial to the manipulator, often to the detriment of the interests of the “victim”.