I gained 40 pounds after giving birth and my husband proposed a divorce, I don’t know what to do now.

In psychology there is such a thing asrelationship? This is when one of the partners literally depends on the other and cannot imagine his life without him. For example, a husband who does not know how to earn or at all, does not imagine himself in everyday life as a man. So for a normal existence, he needs a woman to replace his mother. Or an ATM or both. Or a woman who has not had sex with men all her life in terms of relationships, and then she found one “the one” and internally decided not to let him go, whatever it cost her. And there are plenty of examples.



Dependent relationships, like codependent relationships, do not bring anything good in the long run. They work only if there are no external factors at all. No problems with work, friends, acquaintances, parents, health. It's fine and perfect. But even then, people can just burn out at each other. Because an initially abnormal partnership can only lead to further disappointments. And who wants to spend a huge amount of time and effort just to ruin their relationship, but in the future?

In general, I am getting divorced, probably. Because she's fat. I can't control myself. That's what my husband says, at least. And I can at least swear I don't overeat, I don't attack the fridge at night. Just such my body, does not want to give extra pounds, especially after childbirth. This is the problem I was afraid of as a schoolgirl. But years later, she finally caught up with me. To my deep regret.



Peels and Igor we married, being really in love with each other young people. Even my mother praised him, for the first time in her life she liked the guy, so I was just in seventh heaven with happiness. He has good parents, his own apartment, finished theater and great prospects. The fact is that, whether by acquaintance, or really because of his talents, Igor was taken to the place of a TV presenter of our local news. We're certainly not the capital. But on the street my husband was recognized even then, and even more so now, when we have a local celebrity.

Four years ago, when I was just getting ready for marriage, my appearance was... Perfect. At least I think so. I was thin, slim and beautiful. I loved sports and was not lazy to waste extra calories. I also had a secret that only my mother knew. It's a genetic predisposition to fullness -- my personal scourge. If I kept my body under stress and only ate the right foods, I could still hold on. But step left or right... Finish.

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Peels and Igor seemed completely oblivious to my appearance. We talked a lot, understood each other half-heartedly. My parents also got to know each other pretty soon. So I didn't think I was chosen just because of my looks. And the internal complexes did not even allow me to dream in this direction. Does that mean what? It's all about my inner world. This is the foundation of a happy family. Turns out I was wrong. I know that now.

After the birth of Katya, I felt like a different person. "I'm sick," as some people say. Before, when I had something like abs, I was hoping it would give me a head start after giving birth. "Of course I will," I thought. But I won't swim in fat. After all, we saw these perfect bodies of actresses after giving birth. A couple of months to get away, then a little more time to clean up and here she is, a beautiful mom and her happy family. But I didn't.



All my methods, all the efforts that I followed with such perseverance and a huge amount - everything went to dust. There was cellulite, folds, even the skin became somehow inelastic like a sponge. Although before the birth, in late pregnancy, I asked Igor how I looked. It was clear that he did not try to lie, but said what he thought. "It's okay, don't worry, you're beautiful." And I was hoping that would continue.

I gained 40 kilograms and now, more than six months have passed, and I failed to throw anything off. There are folds, shortness of breath. Shoulders rounded, cheeks. And I myself somehow changed, I mean, even the facial features floated and the skin got a puntz hue. It was like drinking, even though I hadn't had a drink long before I was born. I wake up and don’t even want to go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I feel like I've been replaced. And it affects literally every level of my life.



Of course, I stay at home. Babysitting my daughter. But my husband, as you can see, is not looking at me like he used to. We haven’t been intimacy for a long time, he doesn’t invite me for walks, although it’s mine that his mother would love to sit with her granddaughter, even for a whole week. But why? I am 100% in the apartment. I don't know if you can call it depression, but sometimes I don't want to see the baby as a reminder, an association with who I am now. A completely unattractive mattress in a human shell.

My husband even limited me to our mutual friends. He doesn't say it, but I know what's going on. He doesn't want to be seen around him or me. After all, against the background of the local macho, I become even more ugly than I really am. What matters to him is how he looks and who he is with in public. The cost of the profession, what can you do? But at the same time, if a friend comes to me, which happens very often, he still makes a dissatisfied face and goes to his office. Although before, any guest at our house was received with maximum cordiality and cordiality.



After talking to my husband about it, I told him I couldn’t help it. Because of my sitting at home, of course, I'll keep dialing. Going outside for a run is hard for me morally. Especially going to a crowded gym. And he supported me. I donated some of the money that I was saving for a new car and gave it to me. I'll do liposuction. I understand that some unkind people are unlikely to support or understand me. Some would even say it’s a relationship. This is my life and I have to make decisions.

Wish me luck or something. It’s scary, but something has to be done. Do not destroy your family life and your own psyche, albeit for such a reason. I'll unsubscribe when I see the result. Anyway, I hope everything goes well! I'm scared the hell out of it, but I'm even more afraid of divorce!