My mother said that I was ungrateful and offered to immediately choose what to do, but there was no choice

In relationships with your own children, it is important to understand that you become an authority for them. They can look up to you and your decisions in life will serve as an example for them. So at some point you will need to turn into an improved version of yourself, and there is no other way. In general, an adult should give more to a child than the child owes to an adult. It is we who bring them into this world without asking, and not they who bring us.



Peels It is especially sad to see parents who use their own children as a shield, as another reason to sympathize with them. Single mother with three children who has never been married. Or a father yelling at his own daughter when no one is looking. And quickly turns into a saint when one of the guests comes home. All this is very wrong, but when you depend on your elders, you essentially have no choice. It’s even worse when adults continue to pull the burden for ungrateful parents, failing to say anything to them in their defense.

An adult owes a child Even now, when I am already 27 years old, I am still very morally dependent on my parents. But recently I had a very important event in my life, which made me reconsider some points in my life, look at myself from the outside and realize something. But what motivates me most is the fact that now I am not alone in this world, which means I can finally start moving forward. Without looking back and without regrets.

I am a French teacher by training. Why I chose this particular path, I don’t know. It would be better to speak English, honestly. Besides, even Paris no longer evokes a feeling of euphoria for me. I must admit, I have never been there before. But I always dreamed of visiting this city and even planned where I would go first. But one day, at my parents’ house, I came across a report on TV. There they showed how dirty and smelly the capital of France is today. Filled with rats and all sorts of tramps. Romance seems to have disappeared from this city forever.



Then I was visiting my parents, and I myself lived in an apartment that I inherited from my grandmother. Mom and dad offered me to stay with them. But at my age, such cohabitation feels extremely uncomfortable. And I don’t see anything good in it: cramped conditions, constant conflicts with one of the parents, running errands. I'm the youngest. No, it’s better to live alone, but with a healthy psyche. If not for one thing.

Although my parents’ apartment has three rooms, it is already quite old and well-worn. Accordingly, it needs repairs. Which, by the way, is already underway. A long time ago, probably 10 years or so. Some families, especially those who live in private homes, know what I'm talking about. But this is an apartment. Spacious, with high ceilings, but still an apartment. For the last 5 years I have given a considerable part of my salary to repair it. At first there were some pennies, then the amount increased to half the salary. Why, I live separately, my parents need help. Everything is fair.



M-dec And here's another thing: my mother was always very unhappy with my choice of profession and constantly advised me to quit my job and go to my uncle. Although there was work in production, he always had a separate office reserved for me, in which all I needed was to fill out forms and all sorts of sheets. Nothing special, any student can do it. But then what about my profession, what about development? Mom always didn’t care about this, as long as there was money. That’s why she retired early and waited for her father. After him, I would be their only source of “normal” income. I didn’t even want to think about it, to be honest.

Since I only had a few friends, my main communication was with my parents. Maybe someone will recognize themselves, but in the vast majority of cases it was like this: for the first 5 minutes everything is fine. Then an inattentively thrown word on my part, insults - and off we go. An hour or more, a quarrel. And then everything starts all over again. If earlier I could just hang up and give up, then over time my mother could start calling me back, and she was not too lazy to come. And one day it happened.



“You, my dear, are shameless and ungrateful. We are your parents. It doesn’t matter how old you are, for us you will always be a child and we will never advise you anything bad. So, choose. Either you go to work for your uncle, or we sell grandma’s apartment and give half the money to you. Don't forget, you were her granddaughter, and I was her only daughter. Decide what we will do with you. We will agree on the salary with your uncle, don’t worry. You definitely won’t get less than you do now.”

What do you think I could do? Essentially, I had no choice as such. I agreed to go to work with my uncle in order to preserve my favorite corner in this life. Otherwise, I would have to work only for a rented apartment or live with my parents. I chose the lesser of two evils, but something told me: this wouldn’t last long. My father really liked the idea of selling the apartment. I couldn’t influence this in any way, so the lump stubbornly stuck in my throat hinted at my foreseeable future.



But here’s what’s strange: it was my uncle’s job that brought me the long-awaited good news. Uncle turned out to be a normal person. Although I always remembered him as somehow sad and gloomy. He allowed me to walk around the workshop and come whenever I wanted. But on the condition that I will do my job properly. However, it turned out to be quite interesting. But there was so much of it that one could only dream of coming to work late. I used to spend less time even on tutoring and checking homework.

I met Pavlik while at work; the guy invited me to go for coffee with him. For now we are taking a closer look at each other, we are more just communicating as friends. But who knows, maybe this will lead to something more someday. Nevertheless, he supports me, and I hear sincerity in his words. None of my friends have yet inquired about my relationship with my parents. But Pavel immediately realized that it was like a cat had run between us.



Since I show myself well at work, my uncle won’t hurt me, I’m sure. In the sense that he will not succumb to the manipulations of his parents and will not kick me out if they suddenly want it. Which means I'm safe. At least financially. But I still mentally cannot completely distance myself from my mom and dad. But some of my classmates already have children... It’s a pity to admit it, but time is really lost. On the other hand, there is still hope that I will not make such mistakes again. It seems to me that parents should help their children, and not put a spoke in their wheels. Otherwise, why do we need such relationships at all?!