What to talk to your son about

Again, we have a question from the audience. Editorial "Site" I love these things because we disagree and we can’t come to a consensus. There's no consensus. Often our dispute is resolved by a psychologist, not without him this time. But what was the subject of a heated debate?





Here. How to know if you are being used? You're like that on the wings of love, and someone just skillfully supports your feelings because you're young and inexperienced. I am ready to do literally anything: give money, and let it into the house, and what recklessness to commit. Not far from the truth, it happened to me too. But is that so bad? Let's get this together and start with an interesting letter.





How to support a child “My eldest son is 20 years old” He lives separately in a rented apartment, works, barely makes ends meet. Sometimes you have to help, even though he doesn’t ask for it. He recently had a girlfriend. Long-awaited first relationship. He is in love, happy and sincerely believes in reciprocity. There are less than six months, every two weeks or even less, the rest of the time “hangs” on the phone. She is from another city”.





“The son thinks it is serious, refuses to meet with friends. I am worried about this relationship: my son began to send money to the girl, and he lives on pasta. I don't believe in love like that. How do you explain that you need to think about yourself first? I am afraid that this will not end well: she will abandon him and find a better one. How do you support your son?

Psychologist's response

1. It is common for every mother to worry about her children, even when they have grown up and left. stepfather. It is clear that the maternal feeling will not go away, but the fait accompli must be accepted as inevitable. The son has grown up, lives his life and is now quite difficult to call a child.
   
   
   
   
2. An adult. He chooses how to act in a given situation. You can absolutely not share some views, but no one is ever immune from mistakes. Especially in romantic relationships, where the experience of others is not applicable. In this case, you need to fill your cones yourself.
   
   
   
   
3. In fact, the mother has something to be proud of, because she raised an independent guy, who at the age of twenty has already decided to live separately, builds his own destiny and does not require any help. Even if it sits at the same time on pasta, this is life, it is worth eating from different sides.
   
   
   
   
4. It is possible that the mother is right and the girl is really using the guy. But you can also look at it from the other side. Relationships are important to the son, he recognizes their priority, even friends are left out. The guy takes financial responsibility, ready to show it to the girl.
   
   
   
   
5. Time will tell, put everything in its place. Regardless of who is right, the child will be priceless experience. Even if his best feelings are fooled. In any case, he will draw useful conclusions. Most importantly, he will be responsible for all his decisions.
   
   
   
   
6. What can I advise in this case? Only accept that the son has finally grown up and lives his life. It makes sense to just tell him that his mother will love him anyway, and his stepfather’s house is a place where they will always accept him. No matter how many mistakes and mistakes have been made.
   
   
   
   

There is a grain in the words of a psychologist, but not everyone likes such a verdict. I understand what the mother thinks. How to Support a GuyThere is no one to protect the girl. But she is also someone’s child, who in turn needs support. And it's great that there's a guy here who's willing to do that. Write about your feelings in the comments, and the article shared with friends. I wonder what their opinion will be.