Rules of upbringing of children Elena Chekalova and Leonid Parfenova

As children become adults and you can look proudly at the end result of your parental labors, many of them are not. parenting They don't see each other. TV presenter Leonid Parfenov and his wife Elena Chekalova have two adult children – 25-year-old red-haired Maria and 30-year-old Ivan.

Looking at their friendly, well-coordinated family, I would like to ask how the Parfenov couple managed to raise decent and happy adults from small and insecure children. There were no mistakes!





"Site" It will be like a famous cook. Elena Chekalova She helped her daughter cope with dyslexia, why a woman believes that today it is very difficult to raise a decent person and what harms the precious child parental ambitions and excessive demands.

Child-rearing methods

1. A good mother understands her child.
   “Every mistake I could make in raising my children, I did. I felt that I had to force them to do what I thought was right, even through “don’t want to.” That you need to sit over their soul “with a stick”, because my mother raised me so. Now I think it was a huge mistake. A good mother is one who tries to understand her child and give him every opportunity to realize his own desires. I was a mom who wanted my kids to be the best in class. Don't want to read the classics? I'll read all the classics to them myself! But they will never enjoy things that have been forced into them. Pushing knowledge often creates only apathy for everything.
   
   .
   
   
   
2. What the child is supposed to take, he will take
   “The task of parents is to have time to do with the child a variety of things: try music, drawing, mathematics. But if the child does not go, if he feels that the piano, for example, is not his, you can not push it. If he wants to play sports, do not tell him that this sport is nonsense, go do math. So we miss what our children were actually born to do. Thank God, my children were pretty tough nuts: they withstood my upbringing and began to look for their way. A lot of people break down on that kind of education.
   
   .
   
   
   
3. Care in moderation
   “When mothers say they have dedicated their whole lives to a child, it scares me. Women quit their jobs, do nothing, devoting themselves to Vasechka. But they become terrible terrorists! And most importantly, the children themselves do not need it at all. It is very important to give the child independence and not to “help” him. A child who sits until retirement and waits for his mother to come to his rescue is terrible.
   
   .
   
   
   
4. You cannot force a child to learn from under the stick.
   The system states that a child should read 140 words per minute, write without errors, and have calligraphic handwriting. When I was teaching literature at school, one of my students was an excellent student and did everything equally conscientiously. Nothing remarkable from her, alas, did not work. Success comes when people do what they love. There may be unsuccessful economists, or there may be talented footballers. World-famous Spanish chef Albert Adria in childhood suffered from severe dyslexia, was a high school student. He was given as an assistant to his brother, the legendary chief Ferrand Adria, just out of despair, they say, nothing worthwhile will come out of this “moron”. Today, Albert in many ways surpassed his brother and owns the best restaurants in Barcelona.
   
   .
   
   
   
5. More praise
   “I have praised my children too little. No reason. I used to come to school and hear moms say, “Oh, my Petya is so smart, and my Natasha is so brilliant!” And I looked at them and I thought, "Why do everyone have such talented kids and I have such ordinary kids?" Because other moms were smarter! And my bar was too high. But you need to defend the interests of your child. Most parents place their love on how their child is being evaluated by others. This leads to the deepest neurosis and failure. Parents should stick their own ambitions in one place. I know people who only found their calling after 30 and there is nothing abnormal about it.
   
   .
   
   
   
6. Being the children of famous parents is not easy.
   “Because they grow up thinking they will never be like their father or mother. That, to put it mildly, doesn't help. Let the child understand the main thing: he was born to find happiness! You don’t have to be an outstanding person.”
   
   
   
7. Studying abroad
   Before my eyes, when Masha and Vanya went to study, the Soviet school collapsed. There was a lot of bad in her, but there was a lot of good. In my school, teachers certainly judged the knowledge and behavior of the child, not the position of his parents. Vanya studied at a very famous school. One day I got a phone call saying he was rushed to the hospital because of an injury during a fight at recess. When I began to investigate, it turned out that he had just been hit for nothing by the son of a high-ranking official, to the point of concussion. And I was told at school that my Vanya was to blame because they didn't want to mess with the official. I realized that I could not defend the truth, and at the same time I decided that I would do everything to prevent my child from studying in Russia. It must be a cowardly decision. Sometimes I regret him.
   
   .
   
   
   
8. Talk about values
   “Today it is very difficult to raise a decent person. When I raised my children (back in the years of perestroika), we did not live in a society where values were so shifted. Today children see lies and corruption. He understands that success is often not due to merit. That the winner is not the one who knows more, but the one who knows how to twist. People only care about one thing: how much money do you have? In this situation, raising children is incredibly difficult. I’m not saying the Soviet era was better – it was terrible. But the fact that all basic values are not put at a penny is just a nightmare. What values should we talk about? Christian, first and foremost. You don’t have to be a believer, but the 10 Commandments haven’t been canceled yet.
   
   .
   
   
   
9. Children should be treated like friends.
   “There are parents who treat their 40-year-olds like little children: they cannot catch and feel the moment when the child is no longer dependent on them. Parents still want to lead! You don’t need to be in charge at 10 years old. Unfortunately, many parents and teachers like to be approved at the expense of children. They have failed in life, so they compensate for everything in children. “He will listen to me for the rest of his life,” “as I said, so it will be,” “he doesn’t understand anything, and I will tell him how it should be” – in these phrases, many relationships were destroyed.
   
   .
   
   
   

Do you share Elena Chekalova’s parental views? Not so long ago, we wrote about how single mothers live and how they really feel. I also wanted to know why you should use a babysitter sometimes.

Mel.