Why you can’t give a child an example

Raising a child is a very broad topic for one article. The main thing is not just to educate, grow and put your child on his feet, but also not to harm him. Everything we see and hear in childhood affects our lives. In this article, we’ll talk about parenting and how to be a model for your children.



Parents often make mistakes in the upbringing of their children. Sometimes they are too strict, or, conversely, can be gentle with the child. Because of this, he can grow, for example, closed in himself or too capricious. Mom and Dad can make too many inappropriate comments. Adults often suppress the true desires and talents of the child, which they consider unpromising.

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Most likely, this is because parents want to realize themselves through children. Dad couldn’t get into the engineering department – now you need to send your son to study there. Of course, there is no bad motive in this. However, the child may be interested in very different things, such as music. And if parents consider the talent of the child an ungrateful occupation, they will do everything to prevent their child from realizing themselves.



Parents often like to use other children as examples. Anya in fifth grade A knows math, but you don't. But the neighbor Vova is the same age, studies well, participates in the Olympics, goes to dances, and you only think about football. There may be many examples, but I think the point is clear. Such remarks can seriously hurt the child and disrupt his relationship with his parents, undermine trust.



The comments of strangers are very different from those of parents. In addition, the content of reproaches can be quite fair. However, it does more harm than good because it affects self-esteem.

In my youth I was fond of drawing, I studied very hard. My grandmother came up to me and watched me paint. And then suddenly she said, “Drawing is not yours.” You have no talent. Not like Lenochka's. I never picked up a pencil again, a friend once told me.

In fact, the child may not become a professional artist. However, it is not necessary for him to forever repel the craving for drawing. Creativity can be done by anyone, just for yourself – let it be a hobby. The same goes for other talents, whether it's music, dance, sports or study.



In addition, such comparisons do not help to get better. They only create negative emotions: embarrassment, awkwardness, irritation and shame. And they, in turn, remove motivation and desire to act. Depreciation of a child’s skills does not help him to become better. In the future, a child may have an inferiority or unrealization complex. He will always feel like he is doing something wrong or not doing it well enough.



In addition, comparing a child with others is a message to be better than others. In this case, the goal of life can be a competition. The child will try to be smarter, better, faster than others and will not enjoy it. In such cases, the content of life is lost, complexes appear.

What's up? Psychologists recommend comparing their children to them in the past. Previously, they could not walk, but learned, could not read, write, but learned, could not swim, but this came with time. Then they will know that they can learn everything. There are no obstacles for such people in the future. They are aware of their strengths and talents and that they can be developed.



Mom and Dad should be the perfect example for their child. Or at least try to live up to it. When a child sees that his parents live a full life, he begins to strive for it. Then the correct formation of a person’s personality is laid in his subconscious.



We are not perfect, we all have our own story and circumstances. Parents should set a better example for their children and never compare them to others. Help children develop, do not limit their talents and opportunities.