1. People can say the wrong things
But you can't blame them. Even when people sympathize with you with all my heart, they are unknowingly hurting you.
After 5 minutes, after my father died, I left his chamber to fetch water, to escape, to pretend that everything is unreal. I was just walking. And that's when I came back to the father, the nurse took me aside and said, "I'm a friend of your aunt. I know how you feel. My grandfather died six months ago. Cancer is a terrible thing".
Well. My father died JUST. 5 metres from where we were talking. His lifeless body still lying there. And someone dares to tell me that he knows how I feel? I don't know what I feel!
I think: "fuck you."
And she said, "Thanks".Everyone has their own experience, and even if you, too, died the native people with exactly the same circumstances, you may not feel the same as me.
You may have a very different relationship with that person, is another of the emotional system. So just keep silent.
2. In your head as if anticipating the film
If you had to get "the" call if you ever say "call all the relatives and to say urgently to come," if you ever get in a situation that couldn't control, and things got worse — then you can understand that feeling.
As daughters, we are brought up, the Pope is our rock and support
. This is the epitome of a real man. This is our hero.
And to see him in the last minutes of his life... It turns everything you think you know about this world.
It wasn't supposed to be. Never. Your dad must be invincible. He tames the monsters under your bed. He holds your hand so that you're not afraid of anything. It protects you from the school bullies. And now he's not in front of you.
And suddenly you feel uncomfortable. Weak. Fragile. Vulnerable.
The picture with him in this state will haunt you for a long time. And it will be played again and again.
3. The sadness of your mother can break your heart
They had old-fashioned relationships that disintegrate in a few years. They had grown up together. They experienced so many new things together. They gave birth to children. They raised them. My parents were together for 42 years.
So when your father is dying, dying and a huge part of your mother. She feels incomplete. She doesn't know how to live without him. She was left without a big part of me that cannot be replaced.
And it will break your heart.
4. You can be mad
You can hate the whole world. You can blame God. You're taking it out on everyone: passersby and friends whose fathers are still alive. You will despise them even more if they don't appreciate their fathers, and will try to instill in them common sense.
You can meet miserable people and think, "Why are you alive and my father?!". You will hate yourself for these thoughts.
5. You may quarrel with your brothers/sisters
Everyone experiences grief in their own way. But do not forget about your connection. Do not let grief break.
Cherish the shared memories.
6. You have to grow up
Everything suddenly becomes real. All the formal moments can pounce on your mom, and your task — to help her.
7. You can destroy the thought "what would happen if"
It does not help. Past — in the past, what happened, happened. Many tend to think: "If I did it...then...". But it will not help to get over the grief. It will only complicate everything if you're to blame yourself.
You can't go back. You did everything you could.
8. You'll be fine
You start to think about the power of a father's love. You can see children on the street and think about how your father played with you when you were little. You realize his dedication and sacrifice. You realize the value of life.
You know that time heals. You begin to appreciate all that you have in this life and try to live so that the father proud.published
photo ©Raquel Chicheri
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©