The key question asked the children: "Why?"Favorite children later can become loving adults; dear children are able to grow people, values human dignity...
And the one who in one degree or another been deprived of it in childhood, all my "adult" life anyway vyslushivaesh love, or takes power from others, of course, until then, until you realize that this way is impossible to find happiness and start to LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF!
Honestly, I've never found middle-aged people and older is completely free from this problem (the same can be said about yourself). Someone "wants to be good" and inadvertently provokes people to "borrow" my goodness, someone, on the contrary, is afraid to show his emotional vulnerability and hides it harsh or aggressive behavior, and someone successfully plays easy to communicate the role of testing in the soul of emptiness and fatigue. And all because in childhood loved ones are not valued and not respected confusing for their children's lives.
And very often it was a caring, loving loved ones! Just in society at that time was a common stereotype that childhood is merely a preparation for adult life, not separate, in the full sense of the FUNDAMENTAL period in a person's life!Amazing the difference a new children from the former in that they are not just the object of influence of parental love or irritation, and almost from the first days of life THEMSELVES REQUIRE a certain level of respect and care!
And they rapidly demonstrate discontent with intervention of the adults in their lives, regardless of age.
In families where it is accepted to talk about their feelings, these children have 2-3 years in response to parental banter can seriously say: "Never speak to me such words! It's very unpleasant!" Or, for example, might say, "Leave the room everything! I want to be one!".With this child it is easy to negotiate if you show him respect and to find arguments that he understands.
For example, do not say "eat well – grown great" and "unfortunately tonight we will not have to eat, so you decide: either stay hungry until dinner, or eat now."
In families, where people treat each other mostly in the imperative: "get away, do so, buy it, bring it" — kids in the case of dissatisfaction throw things, slap the parents, scream and spit. Moreover, the use of physical force by an adult only leads to more aggressiveness of the child. And before you "negotiate" such a child should be taught to Express their protest in the appropriate form: "I'm angry!", "I don't like so-and-so," "Depart from me." The problem is that in such families parents themselves do not know how to call a spade a spade, and even more — to realize their feelings!
However, when the child becomes completely unmanageable (in the background of normal intellectual development), adults were forced to learn to behave reasonably and not to suppress each other. The family is really changing the climate, and it is enough to realize and change one parent as the whole family system of relations is transformed.Although it is impossible to deny that a slow but steady movement of human society towards respect for individual rights, children have only recently ceased to be perceived as "under-people".
Just as in the eighteenth century "enlightened aristocracy" it was strange to expect from the serfs of the vulnerability of the senses, today's parents often don't even come to mind that a two year old child can offend!
"Look! often they exclaim the older members of the family, from a pot two inches, and offended, just like an adult!"
The reason for the "injured dignity" can serve as, for example, "harmless" behavior grandmother, who wakes up in the morning three year old child with the words: "beep, beep! Time to get up!" and he presses the tip of the nose.
When I asked my grandmother a question: "How would You like this behavior, for example, by Your spouse in that moment, when You inspect your sweet dreams? And if such action was made by the giant in 7 times more than You weight?" she paused.
How would you feel if you would be forcibly stuffed in a suit? Or, seizing the moment, slipped you a spoon with nasty food in your mouth? Or forcibly seated on the toilet when you want? Or would publicly wipe your snot?Try to imagine those actions that are perfectly normal most adult exercises to children!
"Well, it's for their own good!" – exclaim many. Alas! As it turned out in recent years, much of what is normally to do with the children is good for them! Starting with "the pack" and "feeding," and ending with "early development".
Everyone is responsible for himself.But now I do not know. I, on the other.That New Children are growing for a New Life in a society where everyone is responsible for himself.
For a long time throughout history, people have been hostage to a kind of, then its class, then its social layer, some ideology, some religion that required it to comply with its standards and in return gave a sense of stability and step left, step right severely punished!
Meanwhile, all these class and ideological values created by other people — those who considered themselves entitled to create them. The "masses" have handed over responsibility for their lives to leaders, and they regularly put people in disasters.The apotheosis of this are the authoritarian regimes of the twentieth century.
Today, we do not particularly believe in the infallibility of our rulers and clear to understand — really you can only rely on yourself! On their talents, on their ability to interact successfully with people, your ability to quickly "rebuild" with new life challenges. People gradually begin to take your power in influencing the government and politicians. Harder to hide the truth to those for whom it is not profitable. More and more events lose "polar" interpretation. In the world is obvious many divergent "truths". There is no 100% right and 100% wrong...
Probably, the Nature has taken care that the people of the New Time, the current children grew up independent and don't trust blindly in authorities. The key question asked the children: "Why?"
A key parental response of the past: "that's right!" — does is not an argument for today's children. "Who should?" — they want to know.And as soon as parents begin to HONESTLY seek an answer to this magical question: "WHO SHOULD?" — they are waiting for amazing discoveries!
It turns out that we have so much to do in life is useless and even harmful just because "it is accepted". I think everyone will be able to determine a couple of meaningless actions that he commits just because everybody is DOING IT.
And the kids would love!
And, I tell you — do not want!
You can fight against them, to bring themselves and to psychosomatic diseases, defending the usual, common "must"!
And you can hear the stubborn opposition of the children a clue and look at changing in the XXI century by Smirnovym look. Look, based on your true needs and not on the generally accepted "standard".
Author: Svetlana Dobrovolskaya
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©