Divorce isOne of the most frequent client requests from a psychologist: "I don't know what I want, or to divorce, or to keep the family together". According to statistics, in Russia breaks up seven marriages out of ten.
Frankly, so-so stats. Reason: little money, little attention, little care, little love, a little support. But a lot of anger, resentment and fear. At which point the tension becomes so strong that it is easier to disperse to their corners, than to fix. And whether it is necessary to fix what was never whole?
And no matter how much stupid curve had not married, in a situation when everything went down, to make mistakes even more. Immediately begin to look for ways to bond with your partner, instead of calmly analyze the situation. And well, if we are talking about modeling or paired dance, and not about the birth of a child.
Pretend that all is well, that there is no problem that it's just a phase and it must be endured.
Some couples were separated for a while, and it turned out that forever, it turned out that living alone is easier, more convenient and safer. More money becomes available, the apartment is cleaner and sexier life more diverse.
If your marriage is on the edge of the abyss, then the first thing you should do is to recognize that there are only two possible ways: to give him to shatter into small pieces or to break the fall. The second is to get rid of illusions.
Sometimes I get the feeling that people live in parallel realities. Here is the reality in which I live. In this reality I'm alone, even when in a relationship I have a boring job with no career and financial prospects, conflicts in the family and no hope of change.
And somewhere there is another life. In this other life I live in a happy marriage in a beautiful private house, I have the perfect smart kids, supportive parents and a great job more like a hobby that brings moral and material satisfaction. And how to make those two parallel life match? The answer is no. It is necessary to understand not with the illusory life, but with this.
With its true partners, with their real grievances and complaints. It is hard, very hard to separate fantasy from reality and very hard to take responsibility for what is happening.
I always to save the marriage, if you have something to save. But the only person who can save your marriage is you. You and your partner. If you both want. If the marriage you need. If you mean to each other for real.
And it also helps the understanding that love is not enough, you also need the acceptance of others as individuals, with their dreams, desires, ideas about happiness. That relations, in addition to the verbs "should and ought" there is still a place of gratitude, respect, mutual interest, respect and dialogue, even if the partner is annoying enough that I want to kill him.
Author: Elena Pasternak
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©