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10 tips Travis Bradberry: How to cope with difficult people
Difficult people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact they have on others, and others seem to enjoy creating chaos and bringing people out. Anyway, they provoke unnecessary complexity, strife, and severe stress.
A recent study conducted by the Department of biological and clinical psychology at the University. Friedrich Schiller in Germany, showed that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions — the same effect that you feel from communicating with difficult people — causes the brain of the participants to give a massive stress response. Due to the negative feelings, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just act crazy difficult people lead your brain into a state of stress that should be avoided at all costs.The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure is directly connected with your work. TalentSmart has conducted research over a million people, and we found that 90% of the most efficient workers know how to manage their emotions in times of stress, remain calm and retain control.One of their greatest talents is the ability to neutralize difficult people. There is a well established strategy to overcome difficulties, which they use to keep difficult people at arm's length.
1. They are able to distance themselves
People who love to complain, and negative people is not a gift, because they revel in their problems and can't focus on solutions. They want a shoulder to cry on, to feel better. People often can be difficult to hear complaints, because they don't want to be thought rude or insensitive, but there's a fine line between sympathy and enters the vortex of other people's negative emotions.
You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing himself in case of need. Think of it this way: if the complaining smoked, you would sit with him all day, inhaling cigarette smoke? You would be distanced, and the same must be done with the Complainants. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to solve the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
2. They rise aboveDifficult people drive you crazy because their behavior is irrational. No mistake, their behavior truly goes against reason. So why do you allow yourself to respond emotionally to them and to get involved in a showdown? The more irrational and crazy it seems to someone, the easier it is to get out of the trap. Don't try to beat them at their own game. Separate yourself from them emotionally and treat your interactions as well as to research projects (or if you were their shrink, if you want). You do not need to respond to emotional turmoil — just the facts.
3. They are aware of their emotionsMaintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can't ban someone pulled your strings, if you don't know when it happens. Sometimes there are situations when you need to pull yourself together and choose the best way forward. This is normal and you should not be afraid to buy yourself some time to do it.
Think of it this way: if a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and says he is John F. Kennedy, you are unlikely to fix it. When you find yourself with a colleague who also thinks it is strange, sometimes it's best just to smile and nod. If you are going to correct it, give yourself some time to plan the best way to do it.
4. They establish boundariesThis is an area where most people tend to underestimate ourselves. They believe that they have no way to control this chaos, because they work or live with someone. This is far from the truth. Once you find a way to look at the big picture, the behavior of the difficult person will become more predictable and understandable. This will allow you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with him, and when not. For example, even if you are working with someone in the project team, this does not mean that you should interact with that person one on one as with the other members of the team.
You can set a boundary, but you'll have to do it consciously and actively. If you let things take their course, will find themselves embroiled in difficult conversations.If you set boundaries and decide when and where you will interact with a difficult person, you will be able to control most of the chaos. The only trick is to stand your ground and keep boundaries in place when your opponent tries to attack them, and he will do it.
5. They are fighting to the lastIntelligent people know how important it is to survive today to fight tomorrow, especially when your opponent is a negative person. In the conflict uncontrolled emotions cause you to stretch your hands and legs and fight the battle, which can inflict serious damage. When you read your emotions and react to them, you can wisely choose where to fight, and stand your ground only when necessary.
6. They don't focus on problems — only solutions toYour emotional state depends on what you focus your attention. When you concentrate on the problems faced by you give rise to negative emotions and stress. When you focus on actions that will help you to do better than you and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and reduces stress.
When it comes to negative people, focus on how crazy and difficult they are gives them power over you. Stop thinking about how you are concerned about the difficult people, and focus on ways to cope with it. It will make you more efficient and reduce the stress you experience when interacting with them.
7. They don't forgetEmotionally developed people are quick to forgive, but that doesn't mean they forget.To forgive means to let go of what happened so you can move on. That doesn't mean you give the abuser another chance. Smart people don't want to get caught up in other people's junk errors, so they quickly let go, and resolutely protect themselves from future harm.
8. They suppress negative self-talkSometimes you absorb the negativity of other people. It is normal that you feel bad from how someone treats you, but your internal dialogue (the thoughts that you have about your feelings) can either intensify the negativity or help you to pass him. Negative internal dialogue detached from reality, inappropriate and doomed to failure. It sends you into an emotional maelstrom from which it is difficult to get out. You should avoid it at all costs.
9. They sleep wellI for this reason for life and death for many years, not enough words to Express the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and manage stress levels.When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, so you Wake up refreshed and with a clear head. Your self-control, attention and memory worsen when you are little — or wrong — asleep. Lack of sleep alone increases the level of stress hormones, even without the presence of the trigger. A good night's sleep makes you more positive, creative and active in relation to negative people giving you attitude necessary for daily interaction with them.
10. They use their support systemit's Tempting, but completely ineffective to try to solve everything on their own. To deal with negative people, you need to identify the weaknesses in your approach to them. This means that you need to use your support system to determine its position in relation to a complex human being. Everyone has people at work and/or outside of it who are willing to help to make the best of a difficult situation.Find these people in your life and make an effort to obtain their understanding and help when you need it. Such a simple thing as the explanation of the situation may lead to a new look. Often other people see the solution you can't see because they are not emotionally involved in the situation.
TotalBefore you will learn how to brilliantly use this system, you have to pass several tests. Most of the time it will be the offensive interactions with problem people. Fortunately, brain plasticity allows it to evolve and change when you try a new behaviour, even in case of failure. The introduction of these healthy ways of communicating with difficult people will teach your brain to more effectively cope with stress and reduce the likelihood of adverse consequences." published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: //ideanomics.ru/articles/9052
A recent study conducted by the Department of biological and clinical psychology at the University. Friedrich Schiller in Germany, showed that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions — the same effect that you feel from communicating with difficult people — causes the brain of the participants to give a massive stress response. Due to the negative feelings, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just act crazy difficult people lead your brain into a state of stress that should be avoided at all costs.The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure is directly connected with your work. TalentSmart has conducted research over a million people, and we found that 90% of the most efficient workers know how to manage their emotions in times of stress, remain calm and retain control.One of their greatest talents is the ability to neutralize difficult people. There is a well established strategy to overcome difficulties, which they use to keep difficult people at arm's length.
1. They are able to distance themselves
People who love to complain, and negative people is not a gift, because they revel in their problems and can't focus on solutions. They want a shoulder to cry on, to feel better. People often can be difficult to hear complaints, because they don't want to be thought rude or insensitive, but there's a fine line between sympathy and enters the vortex of other people's negative emotions.
You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing himself in case of need. Think of it this way: if the complaining smoked, you would sit with him all day, inhaling cigarette smoke? You would be distanced, and the same must be done with the Complainants. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to solve the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
2. They rise aboveDifficult people drive you crazy because their behavior is irrational. No mistake, their behavior truly goes against reason. So why do you allow yourself to respond emotionally to them and to get involved in a showdown? The more irrational and crazy it seems to someone, the easier it is to get out of the trap. Don't try to beat them at their own game. Separate yourself from them emotionally and treat your interactions as well as to research projects (or if you were their shrink, if you want). You do not need to respond to emotional turmoil — just the facts.
3. They are aware of their emotionsMaintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can't ban someone pulled your strings, if you don't know when it happens. Sometimes there are situations when you need to pull yourself together and choose the best way forward. This is normal and you should not be afraid to buy yourself some time to do it.
Think of it this way: if a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and says he is John F. Kennedy, you are unlikely to fix it. When you find yourself with a colleague who also thinks it is strange, sometimes it's best just to smile and nod. If you are going to correct it, give yourself some time to plan the best way to do it.
4. They establish boundariesThis is an area where most people tend to underestimate ourselves. They believe that they have no way to control this chaos, because they work or live with someone. This is far from the truth. Once you find a way to look at the big picture, the behavior of the difficult person will become more predictable and understandable. This will allow you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with him, and when not. For example, even if you are working with someone in the project team, this does not mean that you should interact with that person one on one as with the other members of the team.
You can set a boundary, but you'll have to do it consciously and actively. If you let things take their course, will find themselves embroiled in difficult conversations.If you set boundaries and decide when and where you will interact with a difficult person, you will be able to control most of the chaos. The only trick is to stand your ground and keep boundaries in place when your opponent tries to attack them, and he will do it.
5. They are fighting to the lastIntelligent people know how important it is to survive today to fight tomorrow, especially when your opponent is a negative person. In the conflict uncontrolled emotions cause you to stretch your hands and legs and fight the battle, which can inflict serious damage. When you read your emotions and react to them, you can wisely choose where to fight, and stand your ground only when necessary.
6. They don't focus on problems — only solutions toYour emotional state depends on what you focus your attention. When you concentrate on the problems faced by you give rise to negative emotions and stress. When you focus on actions that will help you to do better than you and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and reduces stress.
When it comes to negative people, focus on how crazy and difficult they are gives them power over you. Stop thinking about how you are concerned about the difficult people, and focus on ways to cope with it. It will make you more efficient and reduce the stress you experience when interacting with them.
7. They don't forgetEmotionally developed people are quick to forgive, but that doesn't mean they forget.To forgive means to let go of what happened so you can move on. That doesn't mean you give the abuser another chance. Smart people don't want to get caught up in other people's junk errors, so they quickly let go, and resolutely protect themselves from future harm.
8. They suppress negative self-talkSometimes you absorb the negativity of other people. It is normal that you feel bad from how someone treats you, but your internal dialogue (the thoughts that you have about your feelings) can either intensify the negativity or help you to pass him. Negative internal dialogue detached from reality, inappropriate and doomed to failure. It sends you into an emotional maelstrom from which it is difficult to get out. You should avoid it at all costs.
9. They sleep wellI for this reason for life and death for many years, not enough words to Express the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and manage stress levels.When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, so you Wake up refreshed and with a clear head. Your self-control, attention and memory worsen when you are little — or wrong — asleep. Lack of sleep alone increases the level of stress hormones, even without the presence of the trigger. A good night's sleep makes you more positive, creative and active in relation to negative people giving you attitude necessary for daily interaction with them.
10. They use their support systemit's Tempting, but completely ineffective to try to solve everything on their own. To deal with negative people, you need to identify the weaknesses in your approach to them. This means that you need to use your support system to determine its position in relation to a complex human being. Everyone has people at work and/or outside of it who are willing to help to make the best of a difficult situation.Find these people in your life and make an effort to obtain their understanding and help when you need it. Such a simple thing as the explanation of the situation may lead to a new look. Often other people see the solution you can't see because they are not emotionally involved in the situation.
TotalBefore you will learn how to brilliantly use this system, you have to pass several tests. Most of the time it will be the offensive interactions with problem people. Fortunately, brain plasticity allows it to evolve and change when you try a new behaviour, even in case of failure. The introduction of these healthy ways of communicating with difficult people will teach your brain to more effectively cope with stress and reduce the likelihood of adverse consequences." published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: //ideanomics.ru/articles/9052
