How can we learn to distinguish your real help from another person do not need imposed on services, which ultimately harms the one who gave it and the person for whom it was intended?
One of my good friend recently wrote that her client, a homeless 19-year-old girl with a child, which she had built through volunteers, but so well that even she managed to rent an apartment to keep her suddenly backpedaled and decided to take 8 month of their baby through the care at the orphanage in hopes to take him when she has "things will get better"... Why? What for? How so when everything is already decided, suddenly this turn of events? Everyone was in shock…
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Sometimes we want the best, look at the person through the prism of their expectations and give it our best qualities and love him for that… But it's a completely different person with her "cockroaches", which he hides from us... He was pleased that we were "tinkering", and he doesn't mind pretending to get into character and maintain our scenario of events in time.
And then the truth begins... Because "tiptoe" him to stay long and hard to crumble.
The whole reason that you do not need anyone to make happy violently, dragging in Paradise with an iron fist.After all, for every category of people your heaven. For someone maybe it's sitting in the negative and mix it with a spoon indefinitely. And your way must pass each. To let go, to be swallowed in full and maybe then people will be willing to change something.
First of all, you should understand that by depriving people of the opportunity to endeavour to make the right decision and exit from a problem situation, we do not allow it to go through your way to the end to the right to build in their lives the scale of priorities and to realize what and why he lives.
Secondly, you should never try to imagine themselves from the Almighty Savior, taking responsibility and answering for the actions and destinies of other people. We are just the same people with their tasks and life program even if we sincerely want to help them and see their "right path" for him.
Thirdly, there is a wonderful parable:
"The poor came to the rich man and asked him for food, but he brought him a fishing rod. The poor man was indignant: "Why do I need a fishing rod when I need food?". The rich man smiled and said to him: "If I give you a meal, you will soon die of hunger, because food is not eternal, and if you teach to fish, then you can always eat".
To teach people how to use certain techniques that he himself has restored, filled with energy and felt how to do the right thing is much more important than it is to solve its pressing short-term problems.
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And finally,fourthly, learn to help need to start with ourselves. Not for nothing is said of the Holy Wonderworker Seraphim of Sarov: "First save yourself, and around you thousands will be saved».
Sound like another person, we are investing our precious energy, taking it from himself and his family. Becoming de-energized it is hard replacing their energy and time loss, becoming irritable, which affects our relationships with loved ones. Observing, analyzing and making conclusions, what we've invested in the "alien project" does not produce a result, their forces, time and other resources.
Therefore, I sincerely wish all of us a thoughtful approach to helping others, i.e. to learn to distinguish the truly required the aid of another unnecessary imposed services, which ultimately harms the one who gave it and the person for whom it was intended.