Sharon olds: 3 ways to collect himself again after a breakup Bashny.Net

A wonderful poet Sharon olds had to go through a dark period of loneliness after the divorce. After 30 years of marriage husband left her for another woman. Olds wrote about his experience of separation in the book of poems Stag's Leap ("deer Leap"),for which he received two prestigious awards: the Pulitzer award of a name of T. S. Eliot.

It has a lot of amazing poems that shed new insights into the relationship. Olds has published a collection in 2012, 15 years after the divorce — since she met a new love and released another book of poetry is also striking about the relationship with body and sexuality.

 





Three extraordinary Council Sharon olds about how to survive loneliness:

1. Carry a handkerchief of power

I've always had a weakness for certain varieties handkerchiefs – no lace, and drawings. My favorite design is "California" printed on the handkerchief map "the Golden state" with illustrations and a sea of Golden poppies. In addition, I have kept the stack of others, a variety of handkerchiefs, some of them I made with my hands.

When I was a kid, this little piece of cloth seemed to me to be a symbol of female power, feeling and beauty. Mom always kept them handy as well as elegant adult lady who still wore stockings and gloves. It seemed, handkerchiefs keep luck and maybe some magic. What will the magician pull out from under the handkerchief in the next moment? Easter eggs? Kids?

I still perceive them – as your talisman of power. During the divorce I was sure that in her purse always had a few scarves. Even now, years later, I still rely on their strength... In the grey, gloomy days when I go by train to work in new York University, choose a minute and get it out of her purse, shining colorful handkerchief: dark gold, crimson, Indigo, light cherry and green!

2. Write what you really think

I believe that if you let go and trust the thoughts of the paper, we learn amazing things about your inner world. Efforts to look normal, in that whatever was to meet the expectations and stereotypes of the surrounding world come to naught in the face of our weird "I" on the page. Since that day, my husband told me that he was leaving, I started to write — a lot. I wanted to do something with his suddenly altered life, to burst into song, to Express your grief on paper. I reminded myself that no one will see it written... it helped to be bolder and win inner censor. Later I decided to publish if written; to find readers in this case did not seem to me the most important.

Keep a journal or create something else – poetry, feeder for bird, chocolate cake — this shows self-respect. You make an effort. You're trying on. You do not lie prostrate on the ground, surrendering and dropping his hands. In writing there is another, very dear to me the property that through him we can say with missing, dead, alienated, and those for whom we yearn, with all the people from whom we are separated. We are able to see them again, it is better to understand, even to say goodbye.

3. Stand your ground, even if I have to grab the chair for bravery

Slowly and gradually, over the years, heartache, feeling like I was torn into pieces, collapsed when my marriage died down. But, once alone, I realized that, as a person, still have a pretty strong emotional dependence on partner, desire to have someone close by for peace of mind. Yes, I stood on my own two feet, but not firmly. I was still afraid of people and — except for those moments when he wrote, – were not confident. When in University, I met with other teachers and they expressed views with which I disagreed, I would say, "That's interesting" or "Yes, I know what you mean" instead of directly to engage them in discussion.

So I spurred myself. To tell a colleague "I disagree with you", I had to sink my hands into the chair, shaking my knees. But I did it. Forcing yourself to be assertive, I felt that it would be able to defend their point of view in a new relationship — and believe that it will be capable of it. published

 

@Sharon Olds

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © econet

Source: smart-cookie.ru/relationships/kak-perezhit-rasstavanie-3-sposoba-sobrat-sebya-zanovo/