Lyudmila Petranovskaya: recipes parenting teenagers

Psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya responsible for the burning questions of the parents about the problems of adolescence.

Adolescents and lack of motivation

Question: Son is 14 years old, he studies in 9th grade. It is a complete rejection of school – not interested, do not want, truancy and so on. He was not interested in anything other than a computer and walks with friends. He can't even say what he will do after the 9th grade. How to be?

Answer: 14? No way. 9 not you and the child. We need to decide where to go next? Necessary. Ask him this question. The question asked – parental duty fulfilled. Let him think he still has time. The more you think you are up for it, the less will think it. Tell him: "Honey, you're 14, as you decide, so we'll do that." Later for him to resolve these issues.

Question: My oldest daughter is 13 years old. She did not want to do anything, no lessons, nothing. Any motivation she had no.

Answer: Well, who at the age of 13 wants to do homework? The child has a right not to want to. Honest conversation begins when we recognize a child's right. Not wanting to do homework, not wanting to go to boring school – this is normal. Do not try to motivate it all. Necessary to join him to say – I understand how you don't want to. And then we can help the child learn "swallow the frog". How to help? For example, tell us how you deal with things that don't want to do. Or give something nice to sweeten the pill.

Question: My teenage daughter as if nothing. Here we were going to go somewhere, I say, "Go on, take lessons and go on." It takes five hours, nothing has been done. Daughter calmly says: "Well, don't go on." Even the threat to take away the phone is, "Well OK, fine, take it".

Answer: a Waiver of all claims and desires is the most extreme form of protest for the child. This often suggests that the child feels too under control, too much is expected of him. And then you just need to step back, to say: "This is your life, you live it how you want, if you scream".

©Magdalena Berny

Question: Child 12 years of age. It seems that now only interested in computer games. What to do – to limit, restrict or remove entirely?

Answer: the question, as it seems to me that whether it communicates with peers in real life or not. Does he have buddies in the yard? If he plays football? If not, I would have thought to add to his life a living communion. Think of a situation where he will have the opportunity to play with peers. To the village to take away, for example. He realized that in life something happens that you can just play football. To expand his vision.

Question: Child only wants to lie on the couch with the phone. And that's all. How to print it from this vegetable state?

Answer: this is the refusal to live by your rules. When you active one, you are the source of all motivations, desires, and decisions.The more you jump around him, the more he shuts down. Leave him, let him know that you're not going there to pick out. You know, I am often asked how to survive the adolescence of the child. Now, I have three tips for parents – sex, work, alcohol. Take care of yourself, your business.

Question: But you understand, we are afraid that the child will be a lifetime on the couch.

Answer: I understand your fear. But the more you fear, the more they lie. This is the mechanism of codependency. When a person feels that someone is living his life and too worried about him, he starts to defend its subjectivity. Well, if active, when he says, "fuck you!" And when the resistance forces there, he starts to defend himself passively. The hinging and closing.

Question: If we leave the kid alone, let's not pester him with unpleasant, will not happen so that it will increase people who will not be able to deal with difficulties? In what situations it is necessary to insist, to overcome, and where you can relax and say forget it?

Answer: In life there is always something that needs to be overcome – to walk to the house when tired, go out when it's cold, wait for mom from work. That is, greenhouse conditions still will not work. So it is strange to create them artificially. Life consists of difficulties is not going anywhere. If he is able to overcome – back it up. If not – leave me alone. published


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©



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