Lyudmila Petranovskaya: If the child is in hysterics – leave him alone

Renowned psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya rasskazyvaet on how to survive the crisis three years old and gave the advice that you need parents to do to their ride.

Children grow unevenly. Sometimes you change clothes three times in six months because it becomes small, and sometimes bought some pants, and he in them three years go. The same can be said about the development: for example, the child does not start reading, and then three days later have read. For three years old these leaps are very characteristic.

What a child can in three years:

  • to imitate;

  • to speak;

  • to distinguish friend from foe;

  • to move: to walk, to crawl, to jump, to master the space;

  • to dress;

  • to realize their desires;

  • is;

  • to use the toilet;

  • to manipulate objects;

  • to be greedy.

To understand the importance for a person (even an adult!) this is the list of abilities, imagine the following situation.

For example, after clicking the magic man has forgotten everything, what he studied after high school. In principle, the tragedy will not happen. Many do not work in the profession or not use the skills that have been gained over the years.

Now imagine that you click once again — and you forgot everything you ever learned after 5-6 years. This means you now can neither read nor write. How to change the quality of your life? Significantly! In today's world to live is hard, especially when you can't calculate change at the store or read the ad. But actually you can live.

And universal literacy is a relatively recent invention. And still there are countries where the vast majority of the population is illiterate. And they live normally. Our ancestors were not literate polls: they could have a farm, a house, raise children to be respectable members of society and worthy to live your life.

But if you forget what you studied up to three years (same list above), we will see that this is a real disaster! Skills that we acquire 1 year to 3 are the most important skills that determine the quality of all our lives.

Breakthrough to independence

We do not believe children at this age students, but in fact right now they absorb all the knowledge. The child builds a tower in the sense that it makes the five-year period, that is, as part of the game, and building it in order to recognize all the properties of these objects.

If you imagine that we live in a world without man-made hazards, the three-year child can be Autonomous. What we see in archaic cultures: he wanted to drink and went and drank, he wanted to have — went and got a piece of cold — approached closer to the hearth, and so on. We, of course, can't afford, as I live in a big city with all its dangers. But most importantly, we can conclude that the child at this age of popular culture.

However, with this autonomy comes the dizziness from success. The kid can behave so, as if to say, "there is Nothing there to limit me, I already know myself!".

Where it comes from crisis

A crisis is a breakthrough separation. The baby is around 9-10 months off the handles the parents and begins to increase autonomy. And if the baby could only cry, came to him, now he discovers that the mercy of the parents already can not wait, but better to act.

Such a child lives the future, he sees himself as ahead of the curve. Psychologists have conducted the following experiment: they asked the children the question "are You big or small?".

Three year olds responded, "I'm great!". A five-year plan said "I am small". This is because criticality is strongly behind the push to autonomy.

When the three-year sits and twists the lid of the pot, imagining that it is the wheel from the machine, he truly believes that he can drive a car is not worse than his father. A five-year plan understands that cover-it spins, but the machine is quite another matter.

And this push for autonomy pushes the child to feel that he was reckless. Hysteria during the crisis the three-year period — it's the Apocalypse. It occurs by itself, and sometimes the child finds himself rolling around in a puddle and he doesn't remember how he got there, as it still does not work the section of the brain responsible for self-control and inhibition of impulses.

Why crises three years old are different

Some children tantrums happen a couple of times during the period from two to three years. And other crisis begins by 1.9 — and 3.5 years parents live on a volcano. It is an innate quality of the nervous system. Children are not designers, they are born with their own features, and our task is to learn to cope with weaknesses of character.

What should parents do

To prevent. If you want the three-year led so good, it will have to do for you: to entertain, to give the cookies stand on the ears and so on. But if you won't do, he can't control themselves. All this is because he is not able to inhibit unnecessary operation, so as to be impulsive much easier than to filter the necessary from the unnecessary. Call to order the three-year period is meaningless.

Remember that this behavior is a learning process, rather than a desire to poison your life. Teacher is not a fiasco, but just the period of development. Situations in which the child begins to hysteria, are different, but for 2-3 yrs it's not obvious. To explain the reason for the ban or concessions will never be superfluous: for example, "I wanted you to wear this new shirt when we on Saturday we will go to grandma's, but since you insist, let's go right now".

To wait. If the baby is hysterical, you will not be able to do anything. What you need to do is yourself and a spouse, if he/she is nearby. Hugs, patting on the head, breathing deeply. Just wait out the storm and save the patient. After the release of hysteria the baby will need your care, as if nothing had happened.

Off to one side. If you are in a place where it is not customary to make noise then you can take the baby in his arms and move somewhere far away.

 The significance of the crisis three years old

A crisis is a period of learning and adjustment. Children at this age are engaged in training: they learn to produce different strategies. And if the parents begin to beat the child for his disobedience, he will never learn the important rules. Conversely, when the child is allowed and parents are only able to give in, the child will not be able to develop subtle complex system of reactions.


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Author: Lyudmila Petranovskaya




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