Why many couples are unable to keep the family together, despite a strong desire to live a happy family life? Why in Russia almost 80% of families break up? I will try to summarize some ideas about relationships that prevent this.
After analyzing myself, my mental setup (myths), nurtured in us by our parents, the society in which we live, You will be able to take the first step towards saving your family, writes Alexander Krasnov specifically for econet.ru. In fact, in itself, understanding the reasons for the destruction of the family has the opportunity to take some action to preserve it.
The first myth.
Family is such a pleasant place, where everything has to be good and harmonious. My family should give me the energy for life, and the husband or wife to meet almost all my expectations. In fact:
The family is the place where is good, nice and quiet, and sometimes Vice versa – it is hard and unbearable. Sometimes spouses inflict upon each other more emotional pain, than all the people around them combined.What to do?
To understand that family relationships, like everything else in our physical world, develop a loop that climbs give way to recessions and so on.
A second myth.
A good family is when husband and wife are perfect for each other. When the husband responds to the needs of his wife, and the wife the husband. If not, it means that you are not compatible and happiness in such a family will not.In fact:
The husband and wife are perfect for each other, first and foremost, to ensure that all negative qualities of character partners become manifest. What to do?
Stop listening to friends, parents and convince yourself that Your spouse doesn't fit You and need to find someone else.
The third myth.
Strong families are created only when spouses consciously looking for a partner. Long look, analyze, suited or not. And if the family was created "accidentally", without selecting and analyzing candidate for marriage, then it is likely that the relationship will not develop, and there will be a divorce. In fact:
People meet and create a family "no accident", anyway. You can say man and woman unconsciously "attracted" to each other. As a rule, when choosing a partner we are driven by our subconscious. This means that there are always objective reasons for these relationships, even if they are not visible.What to do?
Stop thinking "what if ......", "If I better think(a)...", "If I hadn't been so stupid...". There are many options to devalue existing relationships. Don't do this! Otherwise, Your family life would be empty and meaningless routine.The fourth myth.
There are clear rules how to build family relationships described in the Domostroi, the Bible and other Scriptures. Recently, some lecturers and educators of the very actively taught how to build relationships in the family.As a matter of fact:
There are certain regularities of development of relations in the family. Indeed, adherence to the rules and guidelines is very desirable for a good relationship in the family. But these rules should not be a dogma or a weapon to coerce one spouse to another, to fulfill what he categorically does not want to do.What to do?
Learn to accept another as he is to develop unconditional (Mature) love. First, love and acceptance, and then the rules.
A myth toefirst.
I decide how I decide – so be it. Each person is the Creator of their relationship in the family. Often man thinks that he himself wants to change his wife, and the wife thinks that because of her character she's throwing tantrums.As a matter of fact:
Our behavior, thoughts, desires, largely our parents, grandmothers and grandfathers. We are the flesh and blood of their ancestors, our behavioral patterns they formed.What to do?
It is important to know their ancestors, their relationships, and lifestyle. To have a family album. This can give us a deeper understanding of yourself, your negative qualities of nature, whence they originate, which will give an opportunity to consciously correct the causes of their own behavior.
Myth number six.
Family happiness can be achieved by buying a good apartment, house, car, clothes, traveling regularly. As a matter of fact:
Recent psychological research suggests that it is impossible to be happy constantly running after happiness. As soon as the pursuit of happiness become the main idea of life, so once life becomes a little more miserable. Even by purchasing all of the attributes of happiness, fulfilling your material dreams, man could not become happier, but only to be disappointed in life.What to do?
You need to stop to pursue happiness and learn to happy with what you have now. Work on yourself, work together to overcome crises, to put into practice their talents. Then happiness might happen as a result of a life filled with meaning.
Myth of the seventh.
Any family difficulties can be overcome by education, bring to the ideal of the second half through conversation, manipulation, claims, threats of scandals.That actually:
Any protracted explanation of the relationship reduce the level of confidence. With a low level of confidence any accusations and morals are perceived by others as a hostile act against which he is protected. Therefore, to speak about the changes required only in situations where one spouse may manipulate the behavior of another. For example, a man manipulates his wife with money, a woman manipulates a man with access to his body or using the attitude of children towards the father.What to do?
These changes in family are possible when at least one of the spouses begins to work on himself and does not require it from another. When a person is growing awareness, he begins to see the deeper reasons of the current situation and accordingly gets the opportunity to change them.
I hope this article will help You to keep the family together. And, more importantly, to make the relationship more warm and close.
Author: Alexander Krasnov, especially for
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: Alexander Krasnov