Not to carry within me a poisoned feelings

Met the other day a very good idea: if you're offended, but actually going to forgive the man sometime in the future, do it now. Otherwise you'll protasel a few days the poisoned feelings.

We like to do usually, when offended: either erupt like volcano, then give me emotions and plaiting to trifling moment everything that had accumulated before, or battened down the hatches and go under water. Introverts, by the way, close second, I do: can't articulate what touched me here and now, but I feel that was hurt badly, and you have some time to ride on the inside of the submarine to find out why it's so painful.

Each response has its pros and cons:

  • in the first life – saving ability to cool down quickly, but a very large risk to say the wrong thing;
  • second – I'll get to the bottom of grievances, but three or four days – out of life.

Personally, I prefer to withdraw into himself, there is slowly dying and cry, qualitatively, to live the whole cycle of emotions (as a program in the washing machine – from soaking to the violent rotation of the drum on the spin cycle, rinse bones abuser worth in the process and a relaxing stop at the end) and return to a world of soothing.

It's probably not the best option, but it is checked: so the resentment is not perepletaetsya else and guilt for retaliation in a fit of anger, plus in the end you come to some very important for you insights.

For example, that still love and "I want to kill, but to get a divorce for nothing." Or suddenly realize that they grew out of children's selfless attachment and dependence on another and is able to think objectively and sensibly: to call a coward a coward, a traitor – a traitor to get out of the role of the eternal victim or mommy and ride off into the sunset.

You "explain yourself important" and begin to see not only himself wronged, but also the context in which it happened (fatigue, problems at work, long winter, poor living conditions, side effects from medications). About context is always somehow forgotten, as if a conflict occurs in a vacuum, but necessarily "evil", when one is bored, quiet, well-fed and peaceful life and there is an urgent need to smash everything to hell. If the relationship in a state of turbulence has some charm.

And then "wins" the one who the first will manage to call the second "hysterical". Or "drama queen". Or even determine what is happening as "psychosis" and wash their hands.

And you can at least obgovorili, insisting that the conflicts you need to resolve here and now, but I don't believe that this will work until emotions had calmed down. "In our river drowned early in the morning two sheep", and if you're anything like me, better to give yourself time to switch off and cool down, but in any case not to aggravate and not to make any sudden movements, holding drag to slight the story of the Roman cavalry and two elephants.

When my cozy little world was shaking with rage, I understand that I may be worth it if I'm going to let this get out, showing the "naturalness and spontaneity". So I run and been hitting the iron in the room – I don't leave myself one on one with the offense, but help yourself deal with it without unnecessary casualties among the civilian population.

So – so it is important to have a friend to write: I'm furious, I don't need advice, I just need to vent, not to break, and it will be you. Knowing that everything said will go nowhere and will have no impact, but will allow you to obtain much-needed relief to blow off steam.

Sometimes I sit and scribble letters that are not sent.

Or rattling pots.

Or go and cry in the bathroom, from the heart feeling sorry for himself, bringing along with tears of sadness, bitterly complaining of the water and so confident lamenting that in the end do not stand up and start laughing herself off.

The most important thing in all of these situations – the lack of nearby one who caused the offense. To it in any case was not ostentatious, "evil" and the audience, they say, look what you made me, how I suffer.

Let it spill and will be defended. Later this will find a huge resource – a clear understanding of what the fuss is about. And you will come to the man with a hundred disparate claims and evidence why he is a fool, and with one well-thought and formulated the idea of the real reason of your resentment.

"Because it reminded me of the situation of childhood, when I was really scared and no one helped."

"Because at some point I thought you were going to hit me, and I have never and will not allow anyone to raise a hand to me".

"Because I suddenly realized that perhaps wasn't necessary anymore, and the only thing holding us together is the children."

"Because... I don't need you".


We have no idea what lies in the vaults of the unconscious of other people. What kind of strength despair or fear can cause a completely harmless, in our opinion, a remark, a bad joke, as accurately and deeply you will enter the needle of reproach in the most vulnerable place – we don't even understand what happened, and the person will literally be petrified in pain, twist in three deaths, smashed into thousands of pieces.

If you're lucky (and then you are really lucky), he will let you know that you have offended him, and then you will have a chance to return back, remove a stake that you drove, kisses to heal the wound, to reach tenderness. Worse, if you leave unspoken, and will not be able to even realize what you've done, –

and the other, she shuffles off to die
dragged ugryzenye leg.

So truly, if you're offended, but actually going to forgive the man sometime in the future, do it now. Tease, porpoise, turn the whole emotional cycle machine, pograme pots and cry, but not cut from the shoulder, never say never man "go away, I don't need you to see you can't live without you, no big deal" even the most savage argument if deep down they know that you're really not leaving, and so, for the sake of deterrence.

Because there's nothing worse these words and this feeling: when the earth from under his feet, and again, you three, and it turns out that the affection and love we must win, no one likes you just like that, of course, so – not in this world of peace and protection, and no one can trust to the end, to the inside below –
look, here is my heart,
and then not just not –
any longer...

Because he like you, only not you.

Its not kill.
Losses are shared.


Author: Olga Primachenko


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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