Hedda Bolgar: I'm too busy to die Bashny.Net

Hedda Bolgar is unique. She lived to be 103 years and almost to the last day of seeing patients, being the oldest member of the American psychological Association.

Patients did not rebound. And not just because her clinic took those who could not get help anywhere else – too expensive. And not only because Hedda was last lived on Earth therapist who attended the lectures of the founder of this discipline – Sigmund Freud. Hedda, the memories of those who knew her, was "imbued with optimism, literally oozed joy of life – and conveyed it to others." She was able to relieve people from the fear of death, loneliness, suffering.

Forty seven million three hundred eighty four thousand fifty four

"I sell old age»

"I don't know why people are so afraid of growing old, said of the Bulgarians. — I think that they see age only loss, illness or other disadvantages. But they don't see that in old age there are a lot of acquisitions. Old age is freedom, experience and a deep confidence that you'll be able to cope".

Clients of Dr. Bulgarians were mostly elderly, lonely, fearful of death. Many simply could not find a therapist older than themselves, and young people they have their own problems to trust did not dare – do not understand. In addition Dr. Hedda so painted the advantages the "Mature" age, that old men and old women themselves begin to envy and one journalist entitled his interview with psihoterapevta: "When I grow up I want to be Hedda Bolgar".

Bulgarians laughed and compared himself to a traveling salesman who is able to beautifully present the most popular product. She "sold" the old age.

 

"What is the point to retire?!»

On the threshold of centenary of the Hedda Bolgar said, "I lived a happy life. And the happiest was the last 10 years." What a pity that most of us can't test this on my own experience…

But here is another quote: "so many things I discovered after 65". This recipe can be useful to almost everyone, because so often we fear and believe that life is over, stalled, wait for changes is pointless – other, having exchanged fifth ten, and someone already on the fourth.

One of the secrets to a long and happy life Hedda Bolgar is a permanent action activity. She lived to be 103 years and almost to the last day of seeing patients. Friends tried to calm her, convince them to be age appropriate, lots of rest, but she just waved. Her mind remained sharp, the thirst for work is insatiable. She wondered why people retire. In the morning, Hedda woke up with joy – because there are many more useful and enjoyable things! The main thing – to choose the job you want.

 

As Hedda became a psychologist

In the history of psychology Hedda Bolgar will remain as one of the developers of the test for the recognition of human motivation, choice and creative behavior. After all, she is his vocation chose quite by accident, at the age of six years and remained faithful to him all his life.

To them on lesson led repeaters. The kid asked a question, answer it couldn't, and energetic Hedda immediately gave the correct answer. The house boasted mother. But that is the praise, and said, "did it ever occur to you how much pain you've caused this boy?". The girl was thinking. For the first time, she realized, what is the value of the other's feelings. "I never forgot that day, said Hedda. — You could say it defined my future path in life."

Of course, to learn she went to a psychologist. Went to Vienna – the cradle of psychotherapy, went to University, graduating in 1934 together with members of the famous Vienna circle.

Seventy nine million three hundred nine thousand seven hundred fifty seven



"Tell her how you feel and we will cancel revolution!»

When Hedda Bolgar asked about the secret of longevity, she usually answered: "genes." Indeed, her mother died at the age of 96 years. But apart from genes, parents gave her an excellent education. But they were example of sophisticated, active and fearless life (though not all of their political beliefs, we seem commendable).

Hedda Bolgar was born in 1909 in Switzerland. Father Elek Bolgar – soldier, diplomat, historian, one of the people who "helped the Russians to make their revolution." Mother Elsa stern was the first female journalist in Switzerland during the First world war, was a war correspondent in Budapest. There the family moved in 1918, just before the birthday of Hedda. In the heart of Europe has been brewing tumultuous events – the ones that will go down in history as "the revolution of the autumn roses." But the girl pouted, she wanted guests and gifts. The father said, "it was Necessary to say in advance that this would upset you. We would have canceled the revolution for your birthday."

Severely? Partly. But then Hedda, long before the beginning of lectures of Freud, got the second and the most important lesson in mental health: always talk about your feelings, especially loved ones. This it will be too late to teach their patients: speak, speak to each other, this is the most important! Because we never know when we may be too late to have this conversation… Looking ahead, we say that the Hedda was very sorry that many did not tell his future father-in-law. Those died in Auschwitz.

 

"Do not be afraid of their fears — so I was brought up»

Living in Vienna, she wrote articles against Nazism, he was involved in politics and knew very well what will be its fate, when Austria comes the Nazis. But, as parents, Hedda was afraid of nothing made her that way. To escape from the country she was in no hurry: why rush things?

"They came on Sunday, recalled the Bulgarians — and I decided that it was a good day to escape, because from Monday they will start to work. And very quickly find someone who wrote about them, those horrible Wikipedia – that is me." It happened: a psychologist-writer had to leave the dangerous city at the time.

Fear was one of the main problems with which she worked throughout her life. And one of the main rules of life (and the secret of longevity) – never worrying about what hasn't happened yet. Because anxiety go hand.

Until the last days of the Hedda Bolgar took a proactive stance. Was dissatisfied with the aggressive policy of the American government – that was not concealed. Encouraged colleagues to explore the psychological consequences of such a political course for the people. At a conference on psychoanalysis Dr. Bolgar was saying ... about the nuclear arms race. One of the participants said that the bombing of Hiroshima was right, she might have saved his life. Hedda in response ... start immediately in the hall with a colleague to conduct psychotherapy. "It was hard for him to make his own anxiety and fear, to look at the situation impartially, "she said," and I began to talk with him about the denial as a psychological defence."

 

"War, famine and other things in the same spirit»

"There was a war, and for lunch I only had vanilla ice cream," — you might think that these are the words grown in the greenhouse of the Palace of the Princess, not knowing of adversity. But no, Hedda Bolgar well knew that such grief. "I experienced revolution, famine, war and other things in the same spirit," she grinned in his declining years. A great set for a psychologist.

Not only to the future but to the past she was able to relate easily and taught others. Let the terrible memories will only have vanilla ice cream for lunch and unfamiliar kind people who allowed her to stay when she came to America early in the war. Let them remain good. Hedda knew how to value it.

I lived Hedda is always in the present and that this was the secret of her youth. "She's not grumbling, as is characteristic of many elderly people that the past is fine, and this stuff, remembers her students. – Hedda is in this found joy and had no fear of the future. And it is unique".

In more than 90 doctor of Bulgarians actively used the Internet, taught on Skype. The only thing that did not recognize the – e-readers, the rustle of paper pages could not replace nothing.

Hedda Bolgar always looked great – hair, light makeup, the obligatory earrings and necklace in the color of the suit. Even some all-female secrets preserve youth? Yes, unlikely she had it. "In the last 80 years, I do little sport," she joked. However, in 60-something began to do stretching exercises similar to yoga. Was a vegetarian – but solely out of love for animals since childhood. And yet – he loved to sleep.

Fifty million three hundred eighty one thousand three hundred sixty six



Test

"The only disadvantage of old age, said Hedda Bolgar, is the loss of someone you love".

In Nazi-occupied Vienna remained friends and relatives, many of whom died. In 1938, she miraculously managed to make us visa parents. Fortunately, managed to escape her future husband – the love of your life Hedda Bolgar. They lived together, like a fairy tale, 30 years and three years. And then another 40 she lived alone. So, at least, it seemed at first. "When he died, life really stopped," Hedda confessed. That was the only time she fell into despair. "My mourning was endless. More precisely, it seemed endless, until one day I decided to continue to live."

For a start, she took the kitten from a shelter. And then another one. Now the cats and the flowers become her inseparable companions. The next step was more ambitious. A year after her husband's death she founded in Los Angeles, where she lived, the Wright Institute, a nonprofit organization dedicated to training professionals in mental health. And clinic its name.

Los Angeles is a difficult city. Psychotherapists per capita there than dentists. But the available psychological aid for ordinary people virtually no. In the Clinic, Hedda Bolgar people of modest means offer individual, family and group therapy. For 40 years, the clinic received more than 10 thousand patients.

Hedda Bolgar she continued to work until his death. In 95 years she has organized a conference on the theme "How to live in a dangerous world". 102 — four days a week took patients. 103 — conducted a workshop on psychological trauma, already at home.

Later she says: "I'm not afraid of death, I hope that my life will not end with death. What's really hard for me is to survive the death of their loved ones. But then the relationship with them does not end there: for the past forty years my husband died and I keep in the shower to talk to him."

 

"I love to understand people»

I'm too busy to die, thought Hedda. A close friend Hedda Bolgar remembered that I was supposed to sign up for lunch with her for a month (!) — so filled was her calendar.

One of the main fears associated with old age – the fear of loneliness – obviously bypassed this amazing woman side. For birthdays she was visited by dozens of people. She didn't have children, but it seemed like she was surrounded by loving family. However, many of those guests actually looked at Hedda as a mother because she helped them be born anew, out of the depths of despair, hopelessness and fear.

And she, in turn, truly loved their patients:

"I love working with people. Love to hear them. I like to understand them — even when they haven't told me anything." She kept thinking about the patients even in their free time, not forget about them as they slammed the door behind him. "The most interesting thing in the world to observe how people change, how it improves their lives as they begin to feel free."

The only regret of the Films associated with age, was that she no longer can write to your acquisition of new customers – except on a short-term therapy.

Sensing that the end of earthly life is nigh, the Hedda Bolgar asked a friend to call patients to those appointed additional advice from someone else. The last session she had scheduled for the day of death — may 14, 2013. Hedda perceived the transition to the other world not as a tragedy but as a journey into the unknown. She believed that there it is waiting for something very good. "I lived a happy life, because you were always the right people," she said.

 

As to age?

Hedda Bolgar always tried to help my patients not to just accept your age and love it. These are some of her recommendations, which she at different times gave to its customers:

— Work as much as my health will allow. Take your time to retire.

— Do not dwell on the past, it makes it difficult to live in the present.

— Do not worry about the future, it can bring pleasant surprises.

— Not to withdraw into themselves. Not all the time talking about diseases and drugs. Go for walks, it happens at concerts, in parks, meet with friends.

— Do not ask attention and care from others. Themselves show interest and compassion for people.

— Do not nag at young people and try to make friends with her!

— Engaged in all possible sports.

— Do not overeat, get enough sleep enough.

— Try to find joy in the simple everyday things.

— Be grateful for each day.published 

 

Author: Catherine Savostyanova

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: www.miloserdie.ru/article/hedda-bolgar-starost-eto-svoboda-2/