388
If your child does not want to go to school: 10 tips for parents
Anxiety often appears for the first time at school age: children are afraid that they will be blamed for the poor performance, lack of diligence, worried that they will not want to be friends and much more. As a result, they don't want to go to school, but the lessons can't concentrate, snap or start to misbehave.
How adults can help a worrying child?
Trust
Convince them that they can talk to you about anything. Children don't have to know where to start and how best to present it. Just let them know that you are willing to listen to them.
Everything can be solved
Children should know what to solve and correct all. They capture your emotions, so make sure that it was quiet vibrations, even if you have to pretend.
Reassure your children this: that they told you no, you won't be mad, not upset and not be disappointed in them. Of course, you actually can experience all these emotions, but do not show them in a moment of revelation.
Children are revealed, trust you let into your world, let them think that this moment of trust was worth it to share it with you. Someday you'll be thankful for it.
Time to talk
Make time on regular calls, let the child has the opportunity to finish this "conversation", when you want. It is not easy to understand complex issues, but if you have a tradition of regular communication, it will be easier. A favorable time for conversation may come soon.
Without judgment and criticism
Perhaps children are not as correctly, as well as they can in this moment. Do not rush to criticize and scold for it. When children know that they are accepted, they become more confident. Condemnation and criticism, on the contrary, make them even more insecure and take away from you.
Don't rationalize
Absolutely useless to tell the child experiencing anxiety, the phrase "fear not". At this point he is faced with a choice to "run or fight", and rational persuasion fails, the child simply can not perceive. Here you can help if you calmly and gently say that you understand now how bad he is: "I'd really like to make it easier on you, I see you're upset about having to go to school."
Do not give your child any reason to fight you or escape from you. So the rational part of his brain switches on again, and that means that the child will calm down and be able to make the relevant decision.
Find the words
Help them find words to Express the emotions and find their meaning. Call it what they, in your opinion, can experience — so children will be easier to choose the definition of: "You look angry/confused/sad." Then tell them that these feelings are possible to test, "all happens". And you can be. You understand this reaction.
Where anxiety is, there is courage
Brave people do what they do, not out of fear. In fact, any of us, leaving the comfort zone, experiencing it. So explain the following: anxiety means that soon they will have to do something bold, otherwise they wouldn't worry about it.
Every different overcomes their borders, someone some things are easy, some hard. All are, but children think that only they were in such a situation. Tell them how many times and what was worrying you, and then all was well and it was necessary not to be afraid, and to act boldly.
Wait time
Talk about anxiety when children are calm and happy — then they will perceive your words. Ask what helps the child to calm down, that you and other adults are doing right and what — no. Try not to perceive the answers from the offense.
Attention to detail
Children who have anxiety associated with the school, usually very well-behaved and really want it to be done correctly. Your approval means everything to them. When they do something that in the light of their anxiety is important — notice it, praise it, even if it's something — to eat Breakfast or braid pigtail.
Austerity will not help
You have probably already tried this, but it doesn't work. Anxiety is a result of the brain, who believes that the child is in danger. Therefore his behavior in this moment is pure physiology. It's not because you spoiled them. Anxious kids want to be the same as other children for whom there is no problem to go to school. They don't want to feel what I feel, so to punish is useless to say "enough already, time to grow up" — too.
Their brain thinks it's a matter of life and death, their behavior is a manifestation of the strong instinct. If you yell or punish, your child will feel even more alone and misunderstood. But you will condemn people, advising "how to teach a lesson to this child"! Don't listen to these people. Just proceed right and you will succeed.
Also interesting: the fears of Childhood — what parents need to know
Children's fears: to understand where and that means
Anxiety does not appear suddenly, as she will not go away overnight. But gradually things will change for the better. Will improve and steps back and then steps forward will be more.published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: womo.ua/ne-poydu-v-shkolu-i-kak-s-etim-borotsya-10-sovetov-dlya-roditeley/
How adults can help a worrying child?
Trust
Convince them that they can talk to you about anything. Children don't have to know where to start and how best to present it. Just let them know that you are willing to listen to them.
Everything can be solved
Children should know what to solve and correct all. They capture your emotions, so make sure that it was quiet vibrations, even if you have to pretend.
Reassure your children this: that they told you no, you won't be mad, not upset and not be disappointed in them. Of course, you actually can experience all these emotions, but do not show them in a moment of revelation.
Children are revealed, trust you let into your world, let them think that this moment of trust was worth it to share it with you. Someday you'll be thankful for it.
Time to talk
Make time on regular calls, let the child has the opportunity to finish this "conversation", when you want. It is not easy to understand complex issues, but if you have a tradition of regular communication, it will be easier. A favorable time for conversation may come soon.
Without judgment and criticism
Perhaps children are not as correctly, as well as they can in this moment. Do not rush to criticize and scold for it. When children know that they are accepted, they become more confident. Condemnation and criticism, on the contrary, make them even more insecure and take away from you.
Don't rationalize
Absolutely useless to tell the child experiencing anxiety, the phrase "fear not". At this point he is faced with a choice to "run or fight", and rational persuasion fails, the child simply can not perceive. Here you can help if you calmly and gently say that you understand now how bad he is: "I'd really like to make it easier on you, I see you're upset about having to go to school."
Do not give your child any reason to fight you or escape from you. So the rational part of his brain switches on again, and that means that the child will calm down and be able to make the relevant decision.
Find the words
Help them find words to Express the emotions and find their meaning. Call it what they, in your opinion, can experience — so children will be easier to choose the definition of: "You look angry/confused/sad." Then tell them that these feelings are possible to test, "all happens". And you can be. You understand this reaction.
Where anxiety is, there is courage
Brave people do what they do, not out of fear. In fact, any of us, leaving the comfort zone, experiencing it. So explain the following: anxiety means that soon they will have to do something bold, otherwise they wouldn't worry about it.
Every different overcomes their borders, someone some things are easy, some hard. All are, but children think that only they were in such a situation. Tell them how many times and what was worrying you, and then all was well and it was necessary not to be afraid, and to act boldly.
Wait time
Talk about anxiety when children are calm and happy — then they will perceive your words. Ask what helps the child to calm down, that you and other adults are doing right and what — no. Try not to perceive the answers from the offense.
Attention to detail
Children who have anxiety associated with the school, usually very well-behaved and really want it to be done correctly. Your approval means everything to them. When they do something that in the light of their anxiety is important — notice it, praise it, even if it's something — to eat Breakfast or braid pigtail.
Austerity will not help
You have probably already tried this, but it doesn't work. Anxiety is a result of the brain, who believes that the child is in danger. Therefore his behavior in this moment is pure physiology. It's not because you spoiled them. Anxious kids want to be the same as other children for whom there is no problem to go to school. They don't want to feel what I feel, so to punish is useless to say "enough already, time to grow up" — too.
Their brain thinks it's a matter of life and death, their behavior is a manifestation of the strong instinct. If you yell or punish, your child will feel even more alone and misunderstood. But you will condemn people, advising "how to teach a lesson to this child"! Don't listen to these people. Just proceed right and you will succeed.
Also interesting: the fears of Childhood — what parents need to know
Children's fears: to understand where and that means
Anxiety does not appear suddenly, as she will not go away overnight. But gradually things will change for the better. Will improve and steps back and then steps forward will be more.published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: womo.ua/ne-poydu-v-shkolu-i-kak-s-etim-borotsya-10-sovetov-dlya-roditeley/
