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Directness — the shortest path to the fulfillment of desires
One of the hallmarks of a healthy balanced personality is the ability to speak and act directly, simply and openly. Without false modesty, without being shocking, without a hint of ambiguity — the shortest way to the goal and with the least emotional cost. However, many people get stuck in those patterns of behavior that are inherent in the child rather than an adult.
Children have very few levers to control the world around you. They can enforce their desires and requests are fulfilled is not always. Therefore, children copying their parents, learn to manipulate to get what you want, acting in a roundabout way and using the weaknesses of other people. So there are tears, resentment, tantrums and whims in all possible manifestations.
In the same way children do, doing anything inappropriate, that can fly from their parents. Instead admit your wrongdoing or mistake, the kids are looking for opportunities to escape responsibility. Here, the course is a lie, the picture of guilt, the simulation of diseases and other psychological games of hide and seek.
Children are too weak and dependent to directly confront or cooperate with the outside world. This is largely the responsibility of parents who, due to the peculiarities of his psyche (read: neurosis), are unable to create in their children a sense of solid ground under my feet.
But "who is guilty" — it doesn't matter because now we are talking about people whose childhood is far behind us, but which continue to rely on children's survival strategies.
Where the child's manipulation and avoidance of responsibility is the only or simplest way to achieve your goals in the adult, there are plenty of opportunities to act directly and far more effectively.
The adult can ask, because he can now be useful.
Adult can demand and impose conditions, because now he is more independent and he's strong enough to stand up for themselves.
The adult can recognize the error, because no one now will drive him into guilt, and the analysis and correction of a mistake brings a new learning experience.
A grown man is his own master, and his whole life spread out before him.
And yet, how many people, adults in years but infantile in their actions...
Adults continue to fear of parental reprisal, but only now shifting old emotions to their superiors. You made a mistake in the line of duty, they are shaking from fear and looking for opportunities to blame someone else. They are afraid of those painful experiences that had to endure listening to the curses of parents. But the chief's not a parent! — He is doing his job, just like everyone else. What's so scary can he do?
If we ignore the emotional component, the error is just a mistake.
It is possible to correct or compensate, and in it there is nothing what would be worth losing my temper, upset or afraid.
You need to take responsibility, but this does not necessarily fear or guilt. Will deprive of the award, deducted from wages, will be reprimanded — if that's the price of a mistake, so what?
You have to pay the bills and live on.
Psychologically, the desire to avoid liability where it would be easy to take and carry is a very energy-consuming behavior. Yes, it is the responsibility frequently slip away, but each maneuver creates in the soul a small hole, through which the flow of forces and good mood. The feeling of guilt that made me squirm and evade responsibility does not disappear, continuing to sharpen the inside.
Same thing with the ability or inability to directly Express their wishes and realize their plans. Why beat around the Bush when you can play in the open? Why be shy, if no one else threatens with a finger and hits the ruler's hands?
And yet, adults often hesitate to demand money for their services — instead they do charity work and then get offended that they are being used.
Too shy to ask for a salary increase, instead, publicly complaining of his financial difficulties.
I hesitate to search for and use of opportunities for advancement, softly and hopelessly, hoping that somebody someday will notice.
And it was the honesty and directness in achieving their goals is a matter of respect. Living life in fear of responsibility or expecting someone good will hear our prayers and fulfill our desires is not the most fun way to live.
To act directly and calmly accept their errors are not so difficult. Someone this is easier (maybe they were lucky with their parents), but if this pattern of behavior causes you fear, that doesn't mean you are doomed. The lesson some are in early childhood, you have to learn today, right now.
Try it, next time, purposefully to admit his mistake in front of a boss, client or whoever is above you. Admit it, even if you have the opportunity to avoid this unpleasant procedure without any consequences. No need to feel guilt and to sprinkle ashes on his head.
Error — not a reason for guilt, it is only a neutral circumstance requiring any action, that's all.
No need to mix here his old childhood emotions.Simply say — "I made a mistake and want to correct it".
Ortry to set the record straight about his desire. No hints, no pressure on the pity, without grimaces, grunts and winks. And if you want you can do without saying a word, try to do it silently. Let yourself or make it recognize the right to desires and their fulfillment. Why not?
In both cases, to prevent will be only fear. But if you don't wipe on any exception, using this fear can always be overcome. Moreover, such fears are rarely justified. The recognition errors, usually, does not cause those effects which frightened and straightness in the fulfillment of desires is the shortest path to the fulfillment of desires (who would have thought?)
Try it — you will like the result...posted
Author: Oleg Satov
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: satway.ru/blog/talk-and-act-straight/
Children have very few levers to control the world around you. They can enforce their desires and requests are fulfilled is not always. Therefore, children copying their parents, learn to manipulate to get what you want, acting in a roundabout way and using the weaknesses of other people. So there are tears, resentment, tantrums and whims in all possible manifestations.
In the same way children do, doing anything inappropriate, that can fly from their parents. Instead admit your wrongdoing or mistake, the kids are looking for opportunities to escape responsibility. Here, the course is a lie, the picture of guilt, the simulation of diseases and other psychological games of hide and seek.
Children are too weak and dependent to directly confront or cooperate with the outside world. This is largely the responsibility of parents who, due to the peculiarities of his psyche (read: neurosis), are unable to create in their children a sense of solid ground under my feet.
But "who is guilty" — it doesn't matter because now we are talking about people whose childhood is far behind us, but which continue to rely on children's survival strategies.
Where the child's manipulation and avoidance of responsibility is the only or simplest way to achieve your goals in the adult, there are plenty of opportunities to act directly and far more effectively.
The adult can ask, because he can now be useful.
Adult can demand and impose conditions, because now he is more independent and he's strong enough to stand up for themselves.
The adult can recognize the error, because no one now will drive him into guilt, and the analysis and correction of a mistake brings a new learning experience.
A grown man is his own master, and his whole life spread out before him.
And yet, how many people, adults in years but infantile in their actions...
Adults continue to fear of parental reprisal, but only now shifting old emotions to their superiors. You made a mistake in the line of duty, they are shaking from fear and looking for opportunities to blame someone else. They are afraid of those painful experiences that had to endure listening to the curses of parents. But the chief's not a parent! — He is doing his job, just like everyone else. What's so scary can he do?
If we ignore the emotional component, the error is just a mistake.
It is possible to correct or compensate, and in it there is nothing what would be worth losing my temper, upset or afraid.
You need to take responsibility, but this does not necessarily fear or guilt. Will deprive of the award, deducted from wages, will be reprimanded — if that's the price of a mistake, so what?
You have to pay the bills and live on.
Psychologically, the desire to avoid liability where it would be easy to take and carry is a very energy-consuming behavior. Yes, it is the responsibility frequently slip away, but each maneuver creates in the soul a small hole, through which the flow of forces and good mood. The feeling of guilt that made me squirm and evade responsibility does not disappear, continuing to sharpen the inside.
Same thing with the ability or inability to directly Express their wishes and realize their plans. Why beat around the Bush when you can play in the open? Why be shy, if no one else threatens with a finger and hits the ruler's hands?
And yet, adults often hesitate to demand money for their services — instead they do charity work and then get offended that they are being used.
Too shy to ask for a salary increase, instead, publicly complaining of his financial difficulties.
I hesitate to search for and use of opportunities for advancement, softly and hopelessly, hoping that somebody someday will notice.
And it was the honesty and directness in achieving their goals is a matter of respect. Living life in fear of responsibility or expecting someone good will hear our prayers and fulfill our desires is not the most fun way to live.
To act directly and calmly accept their errors are not so difficult. Someone this is easier (maybe they were lucky with their parents), but if this pattern of behavior causes you fear, that doesn't mean you are doomed. The lesson some are in early childhood, you have to learn today, right now.
Try it, next time, purposefully to admit his mistake in front of a boss, client or whoever is above you. Admit it, even if you have the opportunity to avoid this unpleasant procedure without any consequences. No need to feel guilt and to sprinkle ashes on his head.
Error — not a reason for guilt, it is only a neutral circumstance requiring any action, that's all.
No need to mix here his old childhood emotions.Simply say — "I made a mistake and want to correct it".
Ortry to set the record straight about his desire. No hints, no pressure on the pity, without grimaces, grunts and winks. And if you want you can do without saying a word, try to do it silently. Let yourself or make it recognize the right to desires and their fulfillment. Why not?
In both cases, to prevent will be only fear. But if you don't wipe on any exception, using this fear can always be overcome. Moreover, such fears are rarely justified. The recognition errors, usually, does not cause those effects which frightened and straightness in the fulfillment of desires is the shortest path to the fulfillment of desires (who would have thought?)
Try it — you will like the result...posted
Author: Oleg Satov
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: satway.ru/blog/talk-and-act-straight/
