This article is not for those who believe that they have no crisis and it was not that they were healthy! And in General – it's all fiction greedy psychologists. For these people we are happy, fingers crossed and fingers crossed. This is the article for others who by mid-life dizzy with success gradually turned into nausea from domestic whirlwind, and for those who have corn from small troubles turned into the powerful biceps of the subversive problem. And the middle is the age which is around 37-45 years.
To call a dragon namedI.
"In the life of every decent person sometimes there comes one not so fine morning, when the body in General and, in particular, suddenly there is a feeling that is light and airy glider teenage enthusiasm suddenly begins to rapidly lose altitude. And the most frightening part of this is understanding that he loses for a long time, and I noticed it only now. And here, it would seem, somewhere near the flow of warm air on which I confidently relied the wing a couple of years ago. But no, now the flow has dried up, whether I'm up. And though heavy – looking in the mirror photos from 10 years ago and grumble to myself something about to sleep longer and to go on vacation to a warm sea."
Interestingly, the concept of middle age are the ones perceived with a fair aroma of condescension, and the other with a bitter taste of oblivion. For some, there is still so much time, you'll get a flourishing family life or career, develop their creative abilities, but for others it becomes a swamp of everyday life and gray horizon, past the sun.
However, there will be a mid-life crisis to transition to a productive stage of my development or spiritual and social dead end, depends on self-understanding, opportunities to hear yourself. "Breath of the age is the fog of fears and anxieties that covers me the sky. To call this dragon's name means to submit to his will."
"All the crisis! This is normal. Here's another gallon of coffee."For some it may be normal, but for others it may be horrible and unbearable experience.
Yes, many psychologists believe age crises are the norm, this essential element of our existence in society. Dry theory say about personal development and the need to resolve internal contradictions. And the completion of this stage amounts to change in value priorities and the semantic content of individual human values. But this is all in theory, but in practice...II.
"Look, I think I have everything already written on my forehead! I am a normal woman, I do not require to buy me anything, I have everything – car, apartment, job. I used to think that men are afraid that need to take care of my material needs, but now I do understand – why the hell did they lack?"
We have to admit that the sudden sadness-sadness that falls on us after about 37-40 years, women have expressed not so obvious to others. This is a deeply personal experience reflected in a complex inner feelings. ... And externally and externally? Still fun, still ready to light madness. Only now with a slight undercurrent of a hint of pain or mistrust in the corners of the eyes.III.
Well, the crisis of crisis, and somehow you have to resolve and deal with your emotions – do not cook in them! Through trial and error, as well as the unique female ability to find your own adventure on one place, they have women find some comfort in one of the ways of dealing with the outside world. How this method helps delicious dieticheskie to live or to exist – we will talk about this further. In the meantime, let's see what's on the menu:
-"Look, I'm doing just fine I'm driving your Department/ family/ child is constantly in business trips/ in the home/ with friends, I look younger than my years/ the good/ the men cling to. Well, with kids/ work/ husband did not work". Pause, gaze jerks to the side and immediately returned. "Well, maybe it would be different if I were a child/ like/ able to discuss and fix. And on the other hand, I don't know if I succeeded, if children/ with work/ with that shit. In General, I believe that my life is good. A six-figure salary/ five children/ personal freedom and travel – any will envy me!".
Confidence in the fact that much in my region I'm fine and others are just jealous – that often manifests itself as overcompensation. Holders of this method of protection from anxiety tend to commend itself from the point of view of external socio-normative criteria (morality, success, willpower, commitment, etc.).Attentive interlocutor may notice a pronounced tendency to the denial of our own feelings in difficult situations and transferring responsibility to others.
And then this position speaks to the internal disorientation. And in difficult life period (a recession is a period and is) such behavior is defensive in nature – as a reaction to internal "disorder".
"I have already on anything had no forces. No strength to go to that stupid job, no strength to do household chores, no strength to meet friends, and in this sense do not see. All kind of grey and dreary."
I know these women. Lowering his hands, hanging his head, they become a shadow of itself. It is unclear at what point this happened, but beginning to happen many years ago. Quietly fleeting, blaming fatigue and melancholy: "I will Sleep and all will pass!". Then this tadpole tension rose in nasty toad daily depression. Yes, the crisis, Yes, internal personal changes. But this is not simply added, and resting the heavy stone with a high level of personal responsibility and guilt for what is happening with the woman and around her.
Phenomenological questionnaire was a convenient method for the study of mid-life crisis in women. The most important thing in human life? His feelings and experiences. What could be subjektivna? Nothing.
The entire volume reactions to a complex period of "mid-life" managed to generalize and to reduce to four basic schemes
:Scheme 1. Compensation in the activity.
A woman who chooses such a strategy resorts to compensate for a lack in one sphere of his own activity to another. Of course, such compensation may be both positive and negative. And, in fact, this behavior has much in common with normal psychological defenses – targets and the mechanisms they are very similar and are implemented "the path of least resistance." Such a person starts to vigorously pursue the remaining strength and energy in the area, which for her is closest, which can quickly bring satisfaction to relieve or reduce doubts or, God forbid, alarm. And a vague feeling that "I missed something, somehow I didn't quite succeed in life" unconsciously manifested anywhere near the way the emotional and physical discharge. And here we meet 40-year-old Mature woman on the "red" ski slopes, rifle clubs, bars and discos with alcohol or stronger... than Scheme 2. Social activity.
"Of course, of friends becomes smaller, and there is no time to socialize. It calms me to sit at home, watch TV. And I have two cats and I can't leave them".
Yes, many of my friends feel alone, say that communication is not enough. What happens to the volume of communication and social contacts? Basically, they are reduced. Contacts smoothly flow in the social network. There was even a sign – "friended, then don't meet again". However, there are those who increases and expands the circle of communication, rushing, both in the pool with his head, new friends and Hobbies. It may be thus "alone in the crowd", but it may fill your life with bright colors and emotions, and what could be more important for women? Scheme 3. Volitional self-regulation.
"The more I smile the better you feel." Tone of facial muscles responsible for smiling bolsters physiology, and now hormones is tightened to the facade of a good mood.
"The hardest part for me was to rebuild your daily routine. Now my daughter and I get up in the morning together, have Breakfast and go out for a run."
Irina's 42 and she still gets embarrassed that no one gives you more 35: "Age-related changes I can't hide, but I try to pay more attention to the positive stuff in my life, in the world. I am open to everything that happens around and always try to find positive or useful way, whatever happens".
Willpower, will – here's the leading element in this scheme, responding to their own experiences. I always remember an expression that I heard twenty years ago: "function trains the body". And without load and muscle atrophy, and reduced intellect and the will is weakening, filling all his spare time fatigue from the senseless flow of daily routine. And then comes... Scheme 4. Passivity, inactivity.
Emotional regression and activity — the swamp of apathy. For some time psyche continues to resist. We are so constituted that everything that happens must be explained, otherwise there is nothing impossible to do, and the fact that we can't explain, comes great anxiety and fear of the unknown. Yesterday's vigorous and athletic young beauty, happily rejecting schemes 1, 2 and 3 uses the most simple psychic protection, allowing:
- to carry the problems of the external field (projection, projective identification),
- do not pay attention to it (repression, denial),
- step back from experiences (dissociation, fantasy protective or insulation).
However, doctors and psychologists very well relate to this choice, because it brings them a significant part of patients and clients. The neuroses and psychosomatic disorders, a close companion of passivity and renunciation of activity. Not only does a woman becomes irritable, experiencing anger and aggression, and even amplifies the crisis, for example, when feelings of guilt for their actions.
V. Five. This Roman tick is supposed to symbolize the victory of common sense over the unconscious errors. Come on, it's just – choose an effective scheme, and follow her on the path to their own, if not happiness, then peace of mind! But we know, friends, that the human mind is cunning and resourceful in seeking to avoid these straining. For example, that will put his life under threat of loss of meaning. "This, it turns out, I'm doing it wrong?" — one of the worst issues that can occur in women. To avoid this doubt it is necessary at almost any cost.I'm talking about the fallacy of positive strategies.
And that can be (and can of course not be, but still) traps:
-by increasing the volume of communication gives the possibility of support, and on the other hand feels really strong and unconscious anxiety to be suddenly rejected. "We're not teenagers, everyone can not be. And if he/she will be stale or boring, but overall, not my? Why should I again experience pain from what I don't need?"
-inability or failure to hear their true desires
leads to the substitution of meanings. Fantasies about what the perfect body or a fancy car will definitely lead to significant changes in life, faced with loneliness and whitened fingers on expensive leather steering heated.
-the way to salvation of the soul: experiencing own loneliness and emptiness, women turn to traditional religion or, "I'm the highest spiritual practices". But in the absence of its internal points of support, finding and using external is only a veiled refusal from finding its own source of power.
We are experiencing unexplained anxiety and excitement that, that's, like, about nothing and everything at once – about meaning, about understanding.But knowing the name of the dragon, it can drive away, can be used to your benefit, you can call and leave their lives. In General, to manage it.
Well, when I have the opportunity to choose and realize their choice. published
Author: Anton Kartamyshev
P. S. And remember, just changing your poznanie - together we change the world! ©