... and why is it needed.
I began to learn to trust their children when born my third child. I was torn between a newborn, three year old daughters-twins, aspiration, in principle, be an ideal mother (to the house in order, doberemosya weight, trusting relationships with her husband and ever-happy expression) and the desire to sleep.
It all almost ended in a disaster, by which, however, I now realized. In order not just to survive but to live happy, I need to learn to trust. Yourself. Children. People. Life.
Without trust their own children, without confidence that they will do everything well (without prompting and sometimes without permission), life with them can be anything perfect — the daily routine, discipline, order, progress, all that — but she will not be happy. It will not be happy to open and know each other. It won't have the luxury of dealing with people who were born my children. Buzz will not. But I want to. And confidence in children is what? It's a lifestyle. Habit that can be produced.
So when my kids come to visit, I'm going to my room, close the door and sit down to work (read a book, draw, spit at the ceiling), taking as norm the cries, the clattering and rumbling from behind the door.
They're children. They are running around and screaming. It is OK. But I know that the wardrobe they feel physically drop can not, and I'm sure in the room there is nothing dangerous like a broken glass, scattered needles, thrown knives. All the rest is nonlethal. In addition, children know that any mess they will clean themselves, so that particularly over the counter don't play.
Of course, I have a couple times come out of his room to suggest to put on the table cookies and to remind you that very loudly shout after all do not need, I actually work in the next room and I need to be taken into account. But to get to them every five minutes and "take them", it's too much. This is their guests, and they better know what they are interesting with each other to play. And it's not apathy, according to some grandmother. This is the trust. They are the children. No need to constantly expect them to be stupid and nasty. They will not do. Is that really an accident. And be very worried then.
What I all this philosophy of trust is? Me, the perfectionist with the complex an excellent pupil and has constantly enabled function hypercontrol? Oh! I can tell you a lot, because the way to begin to trust the children, took me more than one year.
First, while they were young, I was a dictator. I clearly and briefly told what to do. But quickly I find the role boring.
Am I a General, they are my soldiers, all around us a war, and we're all together save ourselves and the country into the bargain? Not at all. Then why order?
Absolutely no reason. And I started with children to negotiate.
It was not easy. It turned out that they for any reason have their own opinion, which, feeling the wind of change, they immediately began to speak. And then the house started continuing for a second discussion. Simply put, the Bazaar. So it was not fit for a large family option. Still, opinions are opinions, but in the winter put a cap it is necessary that you on this subject thought. So choose from five offered, what kind of hat you like and already went for a walk, otherwise the whole day will posporim in the hallway, discussing the cap in minus twenty. Stupid. And time is a pity.
So gradually in the life of our family had rules that balance between trust and security:- there are things that can not be done ever:
to fight on the stairs, make fun of each other, throwing food, rude to elders, etc.- we always dress for the weather,
and most importantly (jacket or sweatshirt, boots or sneakers) I decide, mother, and children can choose the color of shoes, etc.- seven
(i.e., in our case, four) wait for no one:
can't quickly make a decision, then you will solve the others, but no one will stand and bathe in the hallway, waiting for you to understand red or green pompom's more suited to your mood for the day.
For herself I have developed the following rules,
observing that I find it easier to trust their children, that is to be a mother is calm and confident, not nervous and twitched "in-every-barrel-spigot":- I don't check homework and backpacks to school tomorrow
— it is the responsibility of the children, and I deliberately taught them to for their deeds answered for yourself. If you forget to put, you'll get a d for TRYING, and next time recheck all guaranteed themselves a few times;- I do not keep order in the nursery.
They know that if you lie, saying that out, you will be punished and will still have to clean up everything, but not voluntarily, but under duress. And they kids are smart, and choose the lesser of two evils;- I can honestly say that the children that she was tired,
and ask them intelligible and understandable words to leave me alone or help me;- I tell the kids "thank you"
when they help me;- I ask children to apologize
if I am mistaken, shout, make bad decisions;- I allow myself to do nothing
/ to lie with a book on the couch / rebate on the phone / have a glass of wine in cases of extreme fatigue, not to take it out on kids for nothing. Better to let the toys evenly cover the entire floor and dinner will be milk and cookies, not steam cakes than I could yell at kids, Obuasi over the stove;- I have excluded myself from guilt and remorse,
and spared time to spend on drawing and a Bicycle. I ride a bike and draw frequently, because then I'm flying through life, not loving it, sadly dying on a daily large load and their own imperfections.But most importantly I really care about to be with the world with itself, that is, to trust yourself, your desires, intentions, passions, and even fears.
Because I know for sure — just being at peace with yourself you can be happy. The happy women the happy kids, and I sincerely want my children to have had a happy childhood.published
Author: Katerina Antonova
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