Hated the work, hopeless relationship, the dull routine, depression on it every day complaining about the thousands of people contrary to logic is not going to change anything. About how it works, and whether to help those who want to bring into your life changes, deal with a practicing therapist Larisa Pisarenko.According to official who statistics, one quarter of the world population is depressed. According to the head physician of the Clinic for treatment of depression and phobias Dmitry Kovpak, the number of cases in Russia could be higher — the inaccuracy of the numbers is that we have not carried out regular quality research on this topic.
It is noteworthy that few, suffering from such a serious illness, such as depression, consult a doctor or try to change your life. Practice shows that tens of thousands of years people are in despair. While most of their problems do not seem insurmountable: the unloved work to leave an unhappy marriage to dissolve, laziness is overcome and the destructive social circle — just change. What prevents to begin to move?
Paradoxically, the stubborn reluctance to change may be due to banal habit, and the so-called "comfort zone".
Larisa Pisarenko:"Every change is a risk. For the attempted changes will have to pay the loss of the familiar, familiar, and therefore safe (even if boring as hell) way of life, meet the unknown, fear of "but what if it gets worse, and suddenly fail, and all will see my shame".
You will have to pay the realization thatthe world does not guarantee
, and therefore, the future really can't plan. You will have to pay personal growth is simply the direction of the "here and now" and not "there and then". Hard? Scary? It is the same. Its something familiar with the swamp, all frogs and leeches are very few and in the face recognizable. Only in him there is no life. But nothing was used."
Thus, it is not surprising why people whose suffering has passed into the habit, aggressively respond to any tips about real change. Comfort zone, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, causes a person to cling to her, gradually subjecting its rules and accustomed to a particular role.
In addition, the cause of voluntary suffering may be a codependent relationship.
Larisa Pisarenko: "for Example, one partner lives his precious life, to put it mildly polluting. And another complains, cries, hurts and does not go away. Why is this happening? If the person is unconscious, due to their life scenario accustomed to the role of Victim, then it all makes sense, he is in his place. The misfortune for the Victim — a necessary sense of her life's journey.
There is another option — the merger. This is when it so happened that the person feels alive, present only at someone or with someone.
And without that magical Other if not our man — his life is meaningless, of no value to him, in General, to be honest, life is absent. And desire to know what life is and why it is him, this man not much noticeable. He disappeared into the other, but happiness is not felt. Because of the depths of the psyche with every passing year increasingly heard questions: "Why am I here? What do I want? What is my path?"
There are people who successfully ignore these questions, but the mind does not forgive treachery and makes a person to refer to themselves, sometimes with the help of crisis, depression or any other disease."
It is noteworthy that the people who are in codependent relationships, usually deny it. Nobody likes to admit that suffering is often a private choice.
The social situation is complicated, not always constructive scenario, which dictates the rules almost on a subconscious level. Taking not the best decision for themselves, many believe that doing the right thing, fulfilling "its duty". The collective unconscious often puts on blinders, because of what he thinks to be truly happy and live the way he, wrong, wrong and even criminal.
Erich Fromm: "Watching people make decisions, we have to marvel at how wrong they were for taking your own decision is the result of obedience to the customs, conventions, sense of duty, or overt pressure. Starting to think that its own decision is a rare phenomenon".
Meanwhile, the severe process of breaking the stereotype is the first step to liberation: to be happy only when he lives his own, nobody imposed on life.
Sometimes, in the role of whipping boy is the one who is dear to us. Many people spend years trying to get close to the person from a destructive relationship, hopeless reality and hopeless depression. Empathy and a sense of responsibility prevents us to ignore the simple fact that suffering is not going to change anything. In addition, the "Savior" often does not see that he was embroiled in a kind of game in which will never be a positive outcome. Often the "sufferer" needed people, regularly confirming the status of his experiences, one who is endlessly willing to sympathize and to discuss the same problem for many months, and sometimes years.
Larisa Pisarenko: "I called only two reasons, which lie on the surface, but their much more to say about this for a very long time. But it will not bring us closer to change, because you can help only those who want changes, not in words, and the allotment. It's a truism, and to say it even somehow uncomfortable.
If you can help and whether to help those who are whining, not changing anything one iota, and remains indifferent to their fate? Why? Can it be that helping comrades "to make" aid more important than a nagging companions to come to realize the necessity of change? Pull fortunately, tearing off the ears? Then we have to treat such help, because this is some kind of neurosis. Leave the people alone. Who wants – let him sit in the swamp. Take care of yourself and don't waste your life for his complaints".
It is obvious that crises happen in everyone's life. But it is very important to distinguish
, when laced, the problem is a string of real difficulties, and when a part of the manipulation. After all, the one who suffers from its often far-fetched or serious, but solvable problems, trying to draw all those around him.published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©