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Gratitude is the cure for neurotic guilt
Guilt can be directly related to the responsibility of the person who is experiencing guilt, or it can be something that does not belong to the current experience. Karen Horney, I first met the concept of "neurotic" guilt- like feelings, which is experiencing a person, taking the responsibility, which clearly does not belong to him and is far beyond its activities.
Neurotic to a fault often carry "survivor's guilt" — a condition where a participant or eyewitness to disaster, military actions or natural disasters feels guilty that he lives as if instead of the victims. If the blind case was not quite blind, and "choose" whom to leave alive, now, you have to meet certain criteria, always uncertain and always too high. Experts began to study the reflections of their patients and clients more closely, when they began to meet with post-traumatic stress disorder. But sometimes "survivor's guilt" felt in quite peaceful circumstances, for example, relatives of the deceased person from the so-called natural causes.
"He died and I live. Why? He was better than me, than me. Why didn't I go instead?" — such thoughts creep very much grieving. The last goodbye to a loved one is often colored by guilt.
"I did enough, if I tried, he would have lived."
"I sometimes do not think about it, maybe he knew about those thoughts and it led him to death"
"Maybe in the more expensive a clinic they'd set foot here, why we never found the opportunity to take out another loan?"
With that guilt part. And it is part of grief when you experience a heavy loss.
But in a postindustrial society where hard work is mainly complex mechanisms, and the level of comfort of the average citizen is quite high, there is another form of blame. The wine is prosperous.
-"My mother was raised in the village of five children, alone, with no washing machines and disposable diapers, and I'm crying from helplessness with one child - what kind of mother am I?!"
-"Every time I get on a luxurious feast, I have a bad mood. I remember stories of my grandfather about how starved his children one after the other, when the family was dispossessed. The piece is not in the throat!"
"Why am I going to talk about their problems? My roommate treats his son from cancer, lived for years in the hospital, all have black. When I think about what my biggest problem — fear of the boss, I want to disappear"
Almost every responsible person with a strong sense of conscience will remember, ran in my head like thoughts. Is the mother of one child responsible for the suffering of his own mother in hard times? No way. So there were circumstances, that the past was arduini. Does the young mother in comparison with his mother in order to be more effective and powerful? It did not help. Moreover — draining and demoralizing. However, in our culture it is still the best supporting means consider moral kick. "Falling — push". Understanding that someone in the past had it harder than us in the present is a good understanding. But if you put it in a difficult situation as a "magic pendal" impotent, or disordered person, it does not lead to good consequences.
How to be moral and responsible people who meet with some difficult challenges, while internal and external voices haunting advice: "get yourself together, look, your grandmother after surgery on the third day in the garden, dug potatoes, because there was nothing to eat, and then you from the banal sinusitis third week at the hospital"?
There is one way that sometimes helps breath:
Often "neurotic" guilt is gratitude, which in time failed to Express or even to feel. And any sense if it fails to handle a certain way, may evolve into something unrecognizable. Rejected love — hate. Unexpressed gratitude in guilt.
Worth a look for that we are thankful for those with whom you compare yourself, and much will fall into place. Instead of "What kind of mother am I?" you can once again call the one that raised five and tell her "thank you." But if it is impossible to say personally, it is possible to tell about their blagodarnosti to mother their children. Not to edification, and with respect to those who lived in difficult times, but without the canonization — all are living beings, they all had problems, and the mother of five children could not have met with those tasks that have a mother of an only child in the modern world.
The grandson of the grandfather of the dispossessed can be thankful that he managed to keep alive his father. Gratitude is a pleasant feeling. Experiencing it, we are not compacted, and become "more" and "warmer". Check out the feeling, when you think about gratitude. Even members of scary stories to thank for the fact that they are an example of love and courage, of human aslimasti and strength at the same time. And, in my experience, gratitude is a feeling much more socially useful than wine.
From neurotic guilt is often is born depression, which gives nothing to the outside world, or obsessive Hyper most of those "offended" or "accidents" that often okazyvatsya awkward, redundant, or inappropriate. Unlike guilt, gratitude retains and increases mental energy, helps to tie social contacts and to create something useful, including for those who currently and in the foreseeable space is experiencing difficulties or suffering.
In the case of real guilt, of gratitude also has a place. It occurs where people took their responsibility, apologized, paid the damage and it was accepted, and the perpetrator of the incident is forgiven. And where wine has no basis in reality, gratitude can be a good antidote against self-incrimination.
Author: Svetlana Panina published
Source: svetlana-panina.livejournal.com/553850.html?utm_source=fbsharing&utm_medium=social
Neurotic to a fault often carry "survivor's guilt" — a condition where a participant or eyewitness to disaster, military actions or natural disasters feels guilty that he lives as if instead of the victims. If the blind case was not quite blind, and "choose" whom to leave alive, now, you have to meet certain criteria, always uncertain and always too high. Experts began to study the reflections of their patients and clients more closely, when they began to meet with post-traumatic stress disorder. But sometimes "survivor's guilt" felt in quite peaceful circumstances, for example, relatives of the deceased person from the so-called natural causes.
"He died and I live. Why? He was better than me, than me. Why didn't I go instead?" — such thoughts creep very much grieving. The last goodbye to a loved one is often colored by guilt.
"I did enough, if I tried, he would have lived."
"I sometimes do not think about it, maybe he knew about those thoughts and it led him to death"
"Maybe in the more expensive a clinic they'd set foot here, why we never found the opportunity to take out another loan?"
With that guilt part. And it is part of grief when you experience a heavy loss.
But in a postindustrial society where hard work is mainly complex mechanisms, and the level of comfort of the average citizen is quite high, there is another form of blame. The wine is prosperous.
-"My mother was raised in the village of five children, alone, with no washing machines and disposable diapers, and I'm crying from helplessness with one child - what kind of mother am I?!"
-"Every time I get on a luxurious feast, I have a bad mood. I remember stories of my grandfather about how starved his children one after the other, when the family was dispossessed. The piece is not in the throat!"
"Why am I going to talk about their problems? My roommate treats his son from cancer, lived for years in the hospital, all have black. When I think about what my biggest problem — fear of the boss, I want to disappear"
Almost every responsible person with a strong sense of conscience will remember, ran in my head like thoughts. Is the mother of one child responsible for the suffering of his own mother in hard times? No way. So there were circumstances, that the past was arduini. Does the young mother in comparison with his mother in order to be more effective and powerful? It did not help. Moreover — draining and demoralizing. However, in our culture it is still the best supporting means consider moral kick. "Falling — push". Understanding that someone in the past had it harder than us in the present is a good understanding. But if you put it in a difficult situation as a "magic pendal" impotent, or disordered person, it does not lead to good consequences.
How to be moral and responsible people who meet with some difficult challenges, while internal and external voices haunting advice: "get yourself together, look, your grandmother after surgery on the third day in the garden, dug potatoes, because there was nothing to eat, and then you from the banal sinusitis third week at the hospital"?
There is one way that sometimes helps breath:
Often "neurotic" guilt is gratitude, which in time failed to Express or even to feel. And any sense if it fails to handle a certain way, may evolve into something unrecognizable. Rejected love — hate. Unexpressed gratitude in guilt.
Worth a look for that we are thankful for those with whom you compare yourself, and much will fall into place. Instead of "What kind of mother am I?" you can once again call the one that raised five and tell her "thank you." But if it is impossible to say personally, it is possible to tell about their blagodarnosti to mother their children. Not to edification, and with respect to those who lived in difficult times, but without the canonization — all are living beings, they all had problems, and the mother of five children could not have met with those tasks that have a mother of an only child in the modern world.
The grandson of the grandfather of the dispossessed can be thankful that he managed to keep alive his father. Gratitude is a pleasant feeling. Experiencing it, we are not compacted, and become "more" and "warmer". Check out the feeling, when you think about gratitude. Even members of scary stories to thank for the fact that they are an example of love and courage, of human aslimasti and strength at the same time. And, in my experience, gratitude is a feeling much more socially useful than wine.
From neurotic guilt is often is born depression, which gives nothing to the outside world, or obsessive Hyper most of those "offended" or "accidents" that often okazyvatsya awkward, redundant, or inappropriate. Unlike guilt, gratitude retains and increases mental energy, helps to tie social contacts and to create something useful, including for those who currently and in the foreseeable space is experiencing difficulties or suffering.
In the case of real guilt, of gratitude also has a place. It occurs where people took their responsibility, apologized, paid the damage and it was accepted, and the perpetrator of the incident is forgiven. And where wine has no basis in reality, gratitude can be a good antidote against self-incrimination.
Author: Svetlana Panina published
Source: svetlana-panina.livejournal.com/553850.html?utm_source=fbsharing&utm_medium=social
