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3 emotions that keep a woman from termination of the relationship
Married couples are unhappy. Especially unhappy are those couples in which there is a manifestation of violence. Psychologist Lenore Walker in her book "the Battered woman" says that violence has certain laws. And, worst of all, there is cycle of violence meaning that it will be repeated again and again.
Most surprising is the fact that the wife after beating her husband not filing for divorce, and after some time see them happy with each other. There are dozens of issues but the main one — why is a woman so emotionally attached to her husband after being beaten?
Seventeen million seven hundred eighty five thousand six hundred seventy three
There are three emotions that keep a woman from termination of the relationship. And love is not on this list:
For a rapist, violence is a way to raise their self-esteem and self-assertion. It is also a method of obtaining extract of love (e.g., in the presence of jealousy). But the most important thing — a man is run through with many psychological problems. And their internal problems he takes out on another person who tolerate such attitude. Such people are not able to even talk about their own feelings, they are helpless and unable to cause a feeling of happiness for your partner. So all this is replaced by violence and given for love.
And the rapist and the victim are dependent on violence. They both pass through the stages, different from each other, but the violence itself is its own phase.
1. The increasing voltage. During this period, possible flashpoints in the form of emotional outbursts, insults, NIT-picking. A rapist all this time trying to justify fatigue, problems at work, behavior of the victim. He's trying to blame the victim that she is to blame for his condition, while the victim tries to make excuses and placate the abuser.
2. Violent incident. There's a flash of cruelty and violence. In addition to physical contact are the rage, the threats, intimidation and accusations.
3. Reconciliation. The rapist feels a semblance of guilt and promises that this will never happen again. The aggressor is not sincere, he can apologize for his behavior, but only because he knows that the perfect action is a criminal offense, and the fear that the victim will report to friends or relatives. The abuser may even blame the victim of the incident, and that, to extinguish the conflict, agrees, and again blames himself.
4. Honeymoon. The incident forgotten, the offender is forgiven. At this stage, the aggressor may behave considerately and tenderly, emotionally their relationship as it returned to the original. This stage is the most dangerous for the victim, as she forgets about violence and begins to think that the cycle will not be repeated.
Eighty three million eight hundred forty seven thousand four hundred forty one
It should be said that many rapists use tobacco and alcohol, in some cases, stimulants can be even harder. However, this is never a cause, but merely an attempt to stifle his own inferiority. Many of the perpetrators continue to beat up their victims even after they stop abusing substances.
The cycle of violence is repeated time and time again, and between "honeymoon" and the growing tension is becoming shorter, beating all the more brutal (the aggressor is necessary to increase power to obtain a discharge). We won't talk about what assistance is required for tyrant, but the victim must first contact the police and a psychologist, and possibly in the reverse order. Because even if the victim attempted to get away from the aggressor, it is necessary first of all to understand themselves, to understand what the cycle of violence and to get rid of fear, guilt and hope.
Therefore at first stage most important to victims is the revelation that no aggressor her life will be much better.
Also importantlyto raise the self-esteem of the victim in this case, she can understand that is not worthy of such a relationship, without the emotional pain to disappear from the life of the rapist.
If the aggressor does not leave attempts to return the victim to life, it just needs a second stage — recourse to the police. In this case, the former victim will not feel remorse, because I realized what the trap was, as he was unhappy and that her life will now become much better.
Also read: Personal psychological boundary: the point where violence starts
Aggression and boundaries: 3 criteria that distinguish violence from aggression
Increase self-esteem and confidence in their own abilities, and you will always get what you deserve. published
Author: Gregory Krzeminski
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: 4brain.ru/blog/%D1%86%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%BB-%D0%BD%D0%B0%D1%81%D0%B8%D0%BB%D0%B8%D1%8F/
Most surprising is the fact that the wife after beating her husband not filing for divorce, and after some time see them happy with each other. There are dozens of issues but the main one — why is a woman so emotionally attached to her husband after being beaten?
Seventeen million seven hundred eighty five thousand six hundred seventy three
There are three emotions that keep a woman from termination of the relationship. And love is not on this list:
- Fear. Violence breeds learned helplessness. The woman feels powerless and helpless, she begins to seem that the breakup will not bring it out of the ground would get.
- Guilt. The woman herself is accused of the events. And if you go away from the partner will begin to experience incredible remorse, so can not leave the person who lives for it.
- Hope. And hope not only that the abuser will change. She hopes that she will change, become better, and will meet the high demands of the rapist.
For a rapist, violence is a way to raise their self-esteem and self-assertion. It is also a method of obtaining extract of love (e.g., in the presence of jealousy). But the most important thing — a man is run through with many psychological problems. And their internal problems he takes out on another person who tolerate such attitude. Such people are not able to even talk about their own feelings, they are helpless and unable to cause a feeling of happiness for your partner. So all this is replaced by violence and given for love.
And the rapist and the victim are dependent on violence. They both pass through the stages, different from each other, but the violence itself is its own phase.
1. The increasing voltage. During this period, possible flashpoints in the form of emotional outbursts, insults, NIT-picking. A rapist all this time trying to justify fatigue, problems at work, behavior of the victim. He's trying to blame the victim that she is to blame for his condition, while the victim tries to make excuses and placate the abuser.
2. Violent incident. There's a flash of cruelty and violence. In addition to physical contact are the rage, the threats, intimidation and accusations.
3. Reconciliation. The rapist feels a semblance of guilt and promises that this will never happen again. The aggressor is not sincere, he can apologize for his behavior, but only because he knows that the perfect action is a criminal offense, and the fear that the victim will report to friends or relatives. The abuser may even blame the victim of the incident, and that, to extinguish the conflict, agrees, and again blames himself.
4. Honeymoon. The incident forgotten, the offender is forgiven. At this stage, the aggressor may behave considerately and tenderly, emotionally their relationship as it returned to the original. This stage is the most dangerous for the victim, as she forgets about violence and begins to think that the cycle will not be repeated.
Eighty three million eight hundred forty seven thousand four hundred forty one
It should be said that many rapists use tobacco and alcohol, in some cases, stimulants can be even harder. However, this is never a cause, but merely an attempt to stifle his own inferiority. Many of the perpetrators continue to beat up their victims even after they stop abusing substances.
The cycle of violence is repeated time and time again, and between "honeymoon" and the growing tension is becoming shorter, beating all the more brutal (the aggressor is necessary to increase power to obtain a discharge). We won't talk about what assistance is required for tyrant, but the victim must first contact the police and a psychologist, and possibly in the reverse order. Because even if the victim attempted to get away from the aggressor, it is necessary first of all to understand themselves, to understand what the cycle of violence and to get rid of fear, guilt and hope.
Therefore at first stage most important to victims is the revelation that no aggressor her life will be much better.
Also importantlyto raise the self-esteem of the victim in this case, she can understand that is not worthy of such a relationship, without the emotional pain to disappear from the life of the rapist.
If the aggressor does not leave attempts to return the victim to life, it just needs a second stage — recourse to the police. In this case, the former victim will not feel remorse, because I realized what the trap was, as he was unhappy and that her life will now become much better.
Also read: Personal psychological boundary: the point where violence starts
Aggression and boundaries: 3 criteria that distinguish violence from aggression
Increase self-esteem and confidence in their own abilities, and you will always get what you deserve. published
Author: Gregory Krzeminski
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: 4brain.ru/blog/%D1%86%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%BB-%D0%BD%D0%B0%D1%81%D0%B8%D0%BB%D0%B8%D1%8F/
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