Sometimes I even want to shout about it – look carefully and think when you want to have a baby with a man. Not because there are bad men and bad fathers. Rather, because you will need to learn to love this man. You want to or not.
The child will forever connect you. You will see in it the features of this man – his eyes, his hair, sometimes his habits. You will see it every day, for twenty years in a row – and then during your meetings with older children. Can you? Would be nice if such a meeting?
I don't like the letters from women who despise the words of the father of their children. Calling him various epithets, hate. They certainly have a right to these feelings. But it concerns children. And therefore it should be treated with caution. I'm such a child. It touched me, and I understand that children feel. Despite the fact that I was forcibly divided and a huge angry rants every day I didn't listen. Even a simple mention of the fact that my father was not a very nice person, and I like him, was very painful.
When you're in love and you are all right, you want the baby with his eyes. And then, when you suddenly see him for what he really is," these eyes hurt you. And you can't love a child in an open and full heart. And the child suffers. There was no reason. Did you choose one day his father, you willingly went into bed with him, you wanted his baby, it was from him. Now what?
Imagine this absurd situation is when the little boy hears from his mom that men are goats and reptiles. It is so common that it's frightening. It is still love, yet it is good. But who will he grow up? Do we really think that children do not understand and do not feel? He has two options – to become someone that my mom hates to behave the same way and cause pain. Or not to grow, never to stay forty-year boy. Under her mother's skirt.
Children become victims of what we do and do not want to build relationships, do not know how to forgive and love. They become hostage to our resentments and selfishness. It seems to us that they don't understand. Although many mothers are recognized as unbearable pain to see the child of his father. And the child feels it.
Women say that my husband was good, but became so-so. But it you choose one. You loved him for something. More precisely, to say, were in love. You consciously made the decision to have a baby. And now your task – to learn to love. Love this man to be your common child.
Is it a simple task? You need to clear your heart from all grudges, to forgive, to accept. Allow it to be so. And accept that the child is not only mine, but his. Our overall. It's insanely hard, if your relationship is difficult and traumatic. So I am asking you to carefully choose the father of your children. Husband and you can divorce (although it is unfavorable for both), but to remove from your kids ' father you can never.
Make your decision consciously, knowing the consequences. Even if something happens to him or the relationship – you won't regret. Not just will not regret about having children. And you will not regret about what he has become their father. Once and for all.You make life easier for your children if they will be able to be solid in their tribal strength and not feel guilty. The blame for that like the one who hurt you, destroyed your entire life, and so on. The blame for the fact that they generally have with you.
We are forever joined with the men in our children. This is a story which does not detract from, not thrown away. Even if you change the child's first name and surname, even if he was adopted by your new husband. Still his father will be forever etched in his facial features, his blood. And most importantly – his heart.
The child initially certainly loves both parents. It gives him integrity and harmony. If it is half mom and half dad, the adoption of both gives an acceptance of oneself. But if we reject half of our child, he does the same thing. With yourself. He deprives himself of the tribal forces of energy. Deprive themselves of male support in the family plan. He'll do it for the love of the mother, if the mother asks (quietly or very loudly) to take her side. But at what price!
No mother wants her child to suffer. But more than half of children grow up without fathers. And what the father is absent physically – it's not so bad. Mother trying to snatch fathers from children's hearts, their souls and DNA, by any means.
I understand why we do it. I understand the pain we feel at the same time. That is why I appeal to women – please, think very seriously to the choice of the father. You will have to learn to love this man and accept it. You have to see it in your children, even if one day you hate it. No one is immune from divorce and separation. But if we understand how important it is to choose not just for myself, husband, and father to future children – the situation would have been still better and more harmonious. published
Author: Olga Valyaeva
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