To my great surprise, and psychotherapy – this big, serious science – is honed to the person has learned to understand their desires and to carry them out. Wanted – went and did. And still managed to be adequate to the surrounding reality and their own needs.how hard can it be?
Want. And who told you that you have the right to want?
That your desires will be so terrible that you will not activename from this horror? After all, you might want to do something terrible. And then even scary to imagine what will happen.
Don't even try to find their desires. There is always the desire of the majority is correct, verified by generations, endorsed by literate, intelligent people. And who are you?
What if you want something so... shameful... and then what? Vvek not wash. Be ashamed to all.
But if what you want is at odds with the interests of people close to you? You are ready with them to do so?
What stops a person from even recognizing their own desires? the unwillingness to experience severe feelings of terror, shame, guilt. Any movement in life is the movement something important, you need.
If what you are moving, meets your true desires, it satisfies your needs and gives you what you need, you have the satisfaction and fullness of a man who got what he wanted. You feel the pleasure of life.
If you are not moving there, we even meet socially important positions, do not get pleasure. It's always "by cash". Your needs are not satisfied. If you don't feed that need, satiety does not occur. For example, you can eat chocolate, but if you want sex, it won't help. Or the great sex doesn't replace love and relationship. Or sex with the wrong person does not bring happiness, even, it would seem, hungry needs. Like chicken Kiev, and ate borsch with donuts. Like the food there, but the satisfaction did not come.
Why suddenly the horror, the shame and fault? what causes such feelings? The conflict of our desires with the plants, imbibed from childhood. Often completely unconscious to us.
That was inspired directly or indirectly a mother, grandmother, aunt, a school teacher, a neighbor on the porch, a camp counselor or aunt from the TV. The significant female figure, who perceived our malleable children's minds almost as a mother. She said, "how to live" how to behave "good girl", "real men", "best friends", "good mother" ... add the))
And these units continue to live in our thirty, forty and fifty head in a unchanged original form.
It is they that we orientirueshsya when making decisions, "you want it or not", "to go or not to go", "to do or not to do." That said aunt Zina when you were 5 years old.
And this "reconciliation of hours" occurs unconsciously and instantaneously. We would like to compare today's desires with a previously installed program. And if the desire system is not skipped, we can enjoy these feelings at a time – one after the other.
the horror of the First instant reaction. "And what right, I a trembling creature, generally have to want something?"Sit and blather. The mouth is closed. You do your activity to the grave will bring. Are you shitting me? Will bring the mother, bring. I'll go to the grave with you ahead of time. None of these phrases does not POPs up in my head. To learn, hear, have yet to get. We hold our desires unconsciously, and if there is a risk that they will cause fear, then abandon them instantly. Often even the right to want something. And then the man behind him is not. But if you are able to have time to be afraid his desire to want something and even survive the horror of the discovery of oneself and their desires, it is possible to move on.
Have you no shame! And there's that dog! No shame you have no conscience! Yes, to my eyes, shameless, not seen! Look at yourself – you're a mother?! Another girl called! There is nothing here to turn tail! More of this in our family was not! Raised his head!
Shame we have specialists at all times. The art is passed with minor amendments by the kindergarten teachers, as the pennant. To embarrass to death – this seems to be the task of all teachers, and to this day the shame is considered the school the best motivation.
For many mothers, even very young, shame – the best regulator of behavior of their child. Look how I'm ashamed of you. Here you will... then will be over you boys (girls) laugh. Are not you ashamed?
Sessions with a therapist is a lot of personal, revealed, shameful, often completely absurd that causes a person to reject their own desires and goals.
If you are able and shame to survive and to live, to experience this feeling and to make their own choices – to understand what I want, and accept it, then manages to move on.
To the ability to not only think about their desires, but to perform actions. To do something to implement them.
And then, sorry, meets wine.
wine This feeling accompanies every choice. Choosing something, we refuse the other. And feel guilty. Choosing to go out with a boy, instead of helping the mother, choosing to go together with her husband on vacation, instead of spending time with children, choosing a book, instead of watching her husband film, choosing work instead of school with your child or stay with your child instead of working, we always feel guilty. Just because there is an option which must be abandoned.
And the question is how this wine we can. Are we able to live and survive. And make an adult, informed decision to go for your choice to take actions or "stay right".
But if the block system is so great that does not come close to this third step, the fantasies remain fantasies – the man knows what he wants, but does not go further. Not taking any action.
And here, as elsewhere, has its own position, thanks to which unconsciously committed in the rejection of their desires and intentions.
Good people do not do that. A real mother would never do that. A good wife will tolerate. A good daughter will remain with her mother. Your cross carry it to the end. Once destined For... someone else's misfortune of the happiness can not be built. In our family accepted that.
Mental health is the ability to live the feelings of horror, shame, and guilt, and to make an informed choice.Lock own desires and needs directly affects physical health. The energy activated in the body for the satisfaction of needs and not spent on purpose and returned to the body, creating painful physical symptoms.
All sharp, sudden pain is the body's response to dissatisfaction with the needs arising.
For example, sudden headache or a wish for no reason at all to sleep when it seems to be necessary to act are two the body's reaction to the reluctance even to detect their needs. Unwillingness to meet with the terror of discovery of themselves and their needs.
Psychotherapists allocate a whole list of psychosomatic diseases, the cause of which is the refusal of the individual to meet their needs and to follow him. And every year this list grows. Such a terrible and deadly disease, like cancer, is also one of them.
Depending on at what stage there was a refusal of the individual to their needs and desires on the stage only the discovery of oneself as individuals, with needs, at the stage of awareness – and what I really want, or at the stage of action - a certain symptom, which is stationed in the particular body and in long-term repetition develops into psychosomatic disease.
Examples of psychosomatic disorders: migraine, thyroid disease, respiratory, a dyskinesia of a biliary tract, pancreatic disease, diseases of the joints and muscles musculoskeletal system, skin diseases, eczema.
The person pays dearly for the abandonment of their own needs and desires. man pays with his body. The human inability to survive the painful feelings of terror, shame, guilt associated with any process of discovery of their desires and actions to implement them, blocking their sensitivity, the rejection of personal choice in favor of attitudes, ingrained since childhood, leads to mental dissatisfaction with themselves and their lives, and to specific physical diseases.
It is human nature to alienate their needs, because for the survival of the population as a whole, it is important that society has a set of rules of behavior that are transmitted from generation to generation and provide a certain "order." But for the survival of the individual, for her mental and physical health it is important to listen to yourself. And this "itself" very often is at odds with installations, creating inner conflict and causing a feeling of horror, shame and guilt. Unwillingness to meet these heavy feelings makes a person instantly, and often quite unconsciously, to make choices in the direction of rejection of their desires. Hence the frustration with yourself and your life and lack the motivation to go to seems to be very important and necessary goals. published