Mogolia? or I can't Bashny.Net

The whole day my head was spinning a joke, I told his family and friends, but to no avail — the disc continued to spin: "Mogolia? Mongolia? Danoline? — And, remember: "Magnolia!" I thought: "which of these issues I'm looking for the answer?" And here surfaced the Dissenters with his "am I a trembling Creature or the right?"



When a person says, "I can't" (saying "no" to stop working for 12-16 hours to change his mind, to ask about something not being "right" to sit on the lawn, travel, etc.) usually behind it:

-do not want
-I'm afraid
I don't know how to do

In a situation of "can't = do not want" I have a secondary benefit that I can see or it may be unconscious.

For example: can't ask = don't want to ask, because the answer and the other might have something to ask or to deny me and then I'll have ( at least appreciation) or experience anger, disappointment, sadness.
And if my "can't" is "do not want", you should ask yourself: "What's good for me, leave it as it is?"

In a situation of "can not = afraid" I am faced with a terrible situation for me.

Here are a few queries which came up during the consultation :

Can't be mad = I'm afraid to show his anger, because in my childhood my grandmother used to say that "mad – bad", mom: "mom to be mad not to," the Pope was punished for screaming and throwing toys. And now me big continues to live a small child who is afraid of rejection and punishment for anger.

Can't drive a car=I'm afraid to drive since the accident, nothing happened, but the fear remained.
And usually when faced with fear we close our eyes, and we need to understand what exactly I'm afraid: to die, to get hurt, not to cover the costs of repair, to cause physical injury to another, to scare mom.

Can't say "I don't know" = I'm afraid to say, because I'm afraid I would be ashamed. At school the teacher ridiculed those who were wrong or did not know the correct answer and now I avoid situations where I can embarrass.

Can't spend on themselves the money = I'm afraid to spend on myself, as I live in a rented apartment and savings creates the illusion of greater financial security, but if you do not spend on myself, no energy to earn more.

In a situation of "can't = don't know how to do" I realize I lack the knowledge, skills, experience, resources, and will have to buy them ( ask others, study books, exercise, go on courses, advice), in General, to tear ass off the couch and change.

For example, you can't say no when the child asks to buy a toy = not know how to refuse, not to reject, not to cry, not to feel guilty in front of the child for failure.
And here, perhaps, that my childhood did not buy the toys and now I don't deny your inner child, buy toys myself ( do not want), perhaps as a child I strictly (rudely) refused and I don't want to deny my child, and on the other can not and choose to buy. And, you can: read articles on child psychology, watch thematic videos, go to counseling, to interview friends as they cope with such situations and start new experiences.

I want to draw attention to the subject of human rights. Can I? And I have the right (to do, to feel, to want)? And who gives these rights?
Those who have read the Constitution? ( lawyers can not answer) I remember about the right to work, leisure, housing and that man and woman have equal rights. Basically the law they are clearly more. Remembered You? That right there, does not mean that it is not necessary to fight, to protect.

Since childhood we absorb messages from family, garden, school:
"Do not be lazy, every minute we have to live good, we must always be busy, work made from the APE man, rest in that light..." And well if such messages are balanced: "without rest and the horse does not jump, all things can not be undone, and the fool knows that Sunday is a holiday". And if the bias on the face and on the face? Then you have to learn how to give yourself right and learn to protect them from internal letters (introjective) and possible condemnation of society.

In the trainings I give a little test on "Mogule?". Carefully read each statement and select one of the options:
"yeah, I can't = do not want (my secondary benefit)"
"yeah, I can't = afraid (of what?)"
"yeah, I can't = don't know how ( how, who, where to find out)"
"What was that?"
"no, can"

So, read carefully, do not hurry, listen to yourself:

I can't pamper yourself just because
I can't ask for help
I can't experiment
I can't be sad just
I can't deny no excuses, no explanations
I can't be alone
I can't be indifferent
I can't get anything without effort
-I can't work a little
-I can't live in pleasure
I can't be vulnerable
I can't change my mind, change my mind
-I can't be wrong
-I can't...(fill in yourself)

What would happen if You all it can?!

And returning to his "Mogule?"— "If I can one go to relax?" Want to know how, I'm afraid (a few points) and no one except me won't let me.

 

Author: Olga Savolainen

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: vk.com/savolainenolga?w=wall-81931539_52