Drama stuck in the psychological development of the child

In one of his lectures G. Nutellamania why conventional techniques impact on children do not work, but on the contrary, harm is stuck in the psychological development of children:

The main characteristic of a stuck child is that one emotion he overshadows all the rest. He may have the best intentions, he promised you not to do it, but in a critical situation, the intention is lost, and he is simply not able to control it.





We can't demand maturity from the child. Or rather to demand, we can, but the result will be. A child who lost your tears of futility, instead of learning from their own experience. No adaptation, no sense of futility. If you don't see evidence of sadness, it is a sign for you. The baby got stuck. He never learns lessons from the incident. Very often the parents continue their futile attempts and if not, they only further persist in their.

Pressure. It's instinct is to apply pressure: "I say!". If the parent is not getting what it requires, it increases the pressure. But here's the catch – you have stuck of the child to any pressure switches on resistance. If only first take possession of them. A parent raises his voice, puts pressure, but stuck with it not working.

So is “drama stuck child”, a tragedy in three acts. (Similar to a book, Allis Miller "drama of the gifted child")

Step 1

When children “get stuck”, i.e. they do not move under the action of those natural forces which is designed to teach them how to learn, we automatically begin to push them, push them.

Step 2

When children feel that they are under pressure, they automatically begin to slip in response. Make a reverse action, hinder, oppose. Perhaps they do not move anywhere, but they still work the brakes. The opposition will not go away.

Step 3

When children get stuck in their rebellion against adults stuck in your blood pressure.
They repeat the same thing over and over again, even though it is not working. Einstein said that the human crazy is that people are doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. We call it tenacity. So stuck children beget stuck parents. We need to understand what is not working. Applying pressure is not working.

To expect from children that they will learn from their mistakes, to put pressure on the children and expect a result, such behavior of the parents, quite instinctively and intuitively. But it works with children who have access to the tears of futility, which are securely tied.

However, it's not working with stuck kids. Here adults need to learn, to change, to adapt.published

 

Author: Gordon Neufeld, translation Yulia Tverdohlebova

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: alpha-parenting.ru