Emotional blackmail: not a crook from the street is a "native, close, favorite" people

Very often receive in a completely depressed, exhausted with guilt, "squeezed" by life. The consultation process revealed that the client is in the grip of a blackmailer. Let's see if this happens to You?

Emotional blackmail is that You are forced to do what You want. Under pressure from a blackmailer You are doing it to the detriment of themselves and their interests.

And this is not rogue from the street is a "native, close, favourite". After all, only they can manipulate You.



Because:

• You fear the wrath of a blackmailer or anger at all;
• You need the approval of the blackmailer;
• You depend on blackmailer;
• You doubt yourself and criticize yourself unnecessarily;
• You blame yourself for the emotions of another person.

Running in a circle

Reasons transform Your life running in circles:

First, it is trifling requirements: "Wear a hat! Take an umbrella!" You think: "it's nothing, okay, not to argue – do, I'm not difficult." BUT the blackmailer gets used to the fact that You unquestioningly obey, then You can lead.

Following achievement of the blackmailer become important things for You that violate Your rights as a person. He intermeddle in Your personal life, reglamentary with whom to communicate and with whom not, what You can and cannot do.

Rates rise and You face serious life change that can be harmful or even dangerous for other people close to You: "Choose me or your son"

A wolf in sheep's clothing

Emotional blackmail always presented under the guise of a plausible pretext. But You:

• Feel crushed or humiliated. Self-esteem is reduced.
• You need myself to explain, justify or rationalize the action.
• Despite the fact that You fulfill the requirements of the blackmailer in hopes of improving or maintaining relationships, they continue to remain precarious or even worsen.
• Worsens Your physical and psychological well-being. There is a feeling that "there are no forces".
• You can bring other people succumbing to the blackmail...

The main role of the blackmailer:

Nakazael.

• To be more precise about what he wants and clearly defines the consequences of Your failure to comply with its requirements. "If you... then I will leave you and throw acid in her face, disinherit, I'm not going to talk to you about sex"
• Uses anger and threats.
• Punishes severely.

Somoncapital.

• Around itself creates a sense of drama hanging in the air a sense of crisis or scandal.
• Does not show direct aggression. And shows their dependence on your behavior. "If you... then I'll hang myself, slit my wrists, out of the window".
• If necessary, defiantly fulfills threat in the hope that it will save time. In the case of teenage suicides "'ll kill myself, let you will be worse you will regret that way I was treated"

Sufferer.

• Master charges! His weapon is the ability to make You feel guilty.
• Never say directly what he wants. Waiting when You can guess. "For me it's humiliating to ask you about that man (the son) makes the definition of"
• Your inability to read the mind of the blackmailer, takes a dislike to her, accusing You that You are not anxious, really, to take care of him. "You'd feel what I need", "If you loved me really, it would already would have done what I need".

Tormentor.

• Allows You to pass through a series of tests and trials, promising You that if You prove worthy, You shall obtain mercy and You will be happy and love. "If you get married, will give you a car".
• Even if You meet all the conditions and fulfill all the requirements, happiness comes.
• There is a new test and need again and again to prove that You deserve compensation.

The basis of emotional blackmail

Fear.

The blackmailer about You know something "such" in that you can poke your nose. No matter how much time has passed since that time. For blackmailer, there is no Statute of limitations.

For this purpose he collects information about You, at the right moment to remember "EVERYTHING!" blatantly destroying the trust in your relationship. For example, the wife regularly wrote a letter to the DAEC on the husband-the businessman, accusing him that he evaded paying taxes.

Obligation.

A blackmailer is playing on Your sense of duty and commitments, disrupting the balance between obligations to ourselves and other people. You are forced for the sake of obligations to the blackmailer to refuse to perform obligations to other people.

Brings you "under the monastery" the fear of destroying family ties, low self-esteem and personal boundaries blurred.

Wine.

Neutron bomb blackmailer – formation guilt. Outwardly relations remained, and sincerity, trust and intimacy are burned constant accusations and reproaches.

Whatever You do, whatever You try, ALWAYS there is what You can blame.

The usual methods of blackmail, "to finish off the victim"

In order to break Your resistance Blackmailers use additional techniques.

Gain.

In order to obtain the desired blackmailer attracts other people. He come to the aid of friends, parents, children, and even psychologists... for Example, a woman has led to the appointment of her husband to force him to abandon the divorce and family life to continue.

Pathological.

They will show You and highlight Your pathology: "you're selfish, hysterical, you need to the nuthouse". Once I came to accept the man lascivious wife sent to be treated from jealousy.

They form in You false memories in the right perspective. "That's when you were little, you were such a good, obedient. Now as a substitute..."

A negative comparison.

The blackmailer is a kind of ideal, which You do not meet. "Look, what a wonderful Petya, a straight-a student, and even in sports. And who are you, you're a nobody..."

Vulnerability.

Hurting those qualities that You appreciate in yourself. If You consider yourself responsible: "you're completely irresponsible to me!". If You're a caring: "you only care about other people and about me no!"

What should I do?

Stop blame yourself.

You're right, the blackmailer just need someone (easiest for You) to bend under him for their own self-affirmation.

The blackmailer:

• Life is not implemented.
• In his life there is no situation in which he is in control and has real power over other people.
• He doesn't like to lose, never going to compromise, unable to admit his mistake and apologize.
• The blackmailer always "right" and it is easier to be offended to make You feel guilty.

Methods of conflict

Stop. In any case do not respond to demand immediately. Tell the blackmailer: "this is a surprise to me. I need to think and all to weigh"

Check. Ask probing questions: "What is it you really want?"

Barter. Try to negotiate with him on the principle of "win-win".
Their problems. Involve the bully in the solution of their problems. Make him feel important and needed.

Consent. Allowing the blackmailer to carry out his threat, ask a clarifying question "by doing this you really will get what you want?". "You want me new smartfon? And if I don't get – you out of the window? Great! Just tell me, please, you dead why a new phone?". published

Author: Maria Kudryavtseva

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: maria-kudryavtseva.ru/%D1%8D%D0%BC%D0%BE%D1%86%D0%B8%D0%BE%D0%BD%D0%B0%D0%BB%D1%8C%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B9-%D1%88%D0%B0%D0%BD%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%B6%D0%B8%D1%81%D1%82/