Julia simultaneously: do Not live FOR your child!

How to rid children of fears? What mistakes to avoid? How to stop too much to fear for the children? The conversation with the famous psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, author of "Communicate with your child: how?"

– To what extent to allow the consciousness of a child is terrible, hard or even cruel things?

– I think no one will come to mind to keep the child in horror movies all the time. But to isolate a child from all negativity was wrong. It happens that children experience acute and terrible things I see in my dreams monsters are chasing after them. You have to nurture them carefully, gently.

© Monika Koclajda I was in the house of a woman year-old girl all the time woke up and cried out in fear at night. I said, "Show me the books you are considering and read". And mother shows different animals: a butterfly is a ladybug, and dinosaur (sharply slams down the page) we miss because she gets scared and screams. And then, it turns out, and the truck rumbles outside the window – the girl is frightened, panicked screams, and her mother, it distracts attention, tempt. What to do in this situation? I advised her to listen to the child and at least tell her: "You're scared". She says to me, why, why amplify? But it is not an increase and adjustment to the child the message that you heard him. And she doesn't trust his mother! Mother all the time something is hiding, the girl is peeping, sees that the world is scary, and the mom says, "it's okay. Don't be scared!"

Mom tried to do and got the result. "You know, says, my daughter is in the crib, outside, the tractor earned, she sank... And I said to her: "Tractor R-R-R, and you're scared!" I showed her sounds like a tractor, and she now roars along with him and he's not afraid."

Watch: mom admitted her fear and announced it, but in my mom's transmission is "R-R-R" is not so scary.

We are not going to raise children in fear, but you can't hide them from life. The frightening circumstances of life need to learn together with them! Children need to experience fear, and they are even drawn to these experiences!


– Because it is inherent in the nature of emotions. We intuitively begin to help children with one year of age: "there Is a goat horned for small children!" The child becomes tense, afraid, and at the same time watching you – dangerous or not? Are you keeping him on the verge of "scary – not scary". It is the archetypes, the phylogenetic sense of danger, and children learn with our help them to learn and overcome.

In General, the short answer to your question is: dose, but do not exclude.

– Whether it is necessary to acquaint the child with such terrible artificially?

– A tale, and "Tom thumb and the Ogre"? And Baba Yaga? It is inherent in our culture. It is necessary to differentiate: there are manufacturers that for profit doing horror films and multiply them, guided by the "market entry". They exploit the desire of the child to the ugly and often overdo. This is beneficial – to capitalize on the thirst of the child is not only fluffy, delicate, soft, but scary.

The manufacturer plays on two things. First, the closer the distance, which is already scary, but can still suffer. It is an invitation, a challenge... a So-called challenge! Secondly, the dreaded helps you Express yourself, and aggression, embarrassment, and discomfort. The child may not only be afraid of monsters, but to play it, "become a monster" and growl to scare.

If a child reaches out to the artificial horror movies, you need to look in what condition it is in. Maybe he needs to be able to Express their aggression. However, at the same time it is necessary to talk and to listen sympathetically.

– We are trying to raise a child, idealistic, kind, helpful, sacrificial, and because the world is very different. And often that is open and responsive people are very hard to find himself and his place in life.

– We probably need to clarify that such an idealistic upbringing. First of all, the laying of high values, beliefs, spirituality above materiality. It is also a holistic education of man, that he felt his personal power, believed in her. And this very power creates a psychological comfort, while selfish people often depressed and generally be unhappy in life. Famous psychologist Maslow described psychologically happy people, calling them SamAccountName, that is, people who aktualizowane inner resources, inherent in man.

The game's that way! describe pure spiritual source in the child – his "self". It is important to preserve self until adulthood, when you're looking for the integrity of his personality, not to betray their views, principles, installation. The person who says "I don't know how much I will pay" and at the same time happily working – man very happy. This is my opinion and my experience.

When people say he is an idealist, and will be exploited, be it cash – I don't really understand about whom we grieve more.

Alexey Rudakov (husband of Julia Gippenreiter, a mathematician):

We seem to be afraid of the world in some sense, from a child trying to hide this. But he then this world will meet!

I really like a passage from Dickens. A young man goes to London, and mother said to him: "Not that in London all thieves. But look at his chest, no need to enter good people into temptation".

This is the answer to the same question – the world is neither good nor bad, there are very different people. There are good, but they can fall into temptation. That's all.

– How not to make a mistake in parenting?

– Need to make sure that the child believed himself does not consider himself continuously right. How? This is a very complex and intelligent process. The parent must be educated (education is often even spoil), but wise. The wise process – do you organize a child's life, and the light – if he accepts you.

Not to live for the child.

– Neither for him nor for him. To release and let go of Anxiety... his mother: as he there poor? is you worried about me.

Will tell you a story. The child began to go to school close to home, but the mother is still very worried and asked him to call immediately upon arrival at school. Then there was no cell, it was necessary to ring from a vending machine. And here he is first called, and then stopped. The parents just stood on his head: "why again you didn't call?" "I forgot". Forgot again, forgot again, no coins and all in this spirit. And then to the mother "came", and she said, "Peter, are you ashamed to call me every time because there are your classmates, they laugh and think you're a sissy?" He says, yeah, mom, that's why. And then she said, "I want to apologize to you. I told you to call because they were worried about you, you're a big boy and can worry like a knight of mine!" So she put him on a pedestal boy. Since then he never forgot to call – imbued with responsibility. That was a strong move.

Alexei Rudakov:

– I would in his place, too, had forgotten, because sometimes I would be annoyed all the time about mum to worry!

– This is the next stage of development – why do I have such a mother, what about her need to nurse? When a man finds his strength, he may cease to understand the weakness of the mother.

– How to build relationships with parents that continue to control so long adult children?

Adults who have suffered such education, aimed precisely for the consumption of their personality, life is not easy. Choked the child whole childhood, all my youth – and here he is now, for example, 35 years. What prevents to tell her "no" as an adult? This is a very deep fear of childhood, "mom I cease to love", and then he is reborn in fear, "mother will have a heart attack."

And mothers on this catch adult children. First fear, then fear for her health, then a sense of responsibility and guilt: "If I throw it in there, I'll be selfish. I don't want to be selfish". And think of many other inhibiting reasons. This person needs to talk with someone who will respond to his fears and try to expand the circle of his consciousness. This is how the nodes that need to soften and stretch, so there is beginning to circulate more freely the energy of thought, values, and responsibility.

You can chat with the mother to build in recognition of her achievements: "I think You're pretty much done! You're so good care of me that I now know how to take care of themselves. I want to tell you – and I rely on your understanding, perhaps even pray as a small child – I need to start walking freely!"

And if not to explain, to gather all his energy, to move further physically, necessarily, anywhere – a rented apartment, another city, a friend... Make mom contract: "I'm happy for you to regularly call and thank you for what you gave me this freedom".

Be sure to find positive words to turn this "mother power" into a positive. Not to fight with my mother, not to fight, not to swear, not to accuse: "You strangled me". Mom has only the notion of "care" and her fears. You need to convince her that she's already learned to see the danger and deal with them.

The one who is still under the mother's control, should be advised to experience the moments when you feel the throat of freedom. And then these moments to expand. It is interesting that moms feel when there's no pressure, and then the blackmail stops.

By the way, when the child begins to straighten his back and become free, the mother begins to respect him more! published

Interviewed By Anna Danilova

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

Source: www.pravmir.ru/yuliya-gippenreyter-nuzhno-chtobyi-rebenok-veril-sebe/


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