In recent news that in one country or another parents arrested for violent or corrupting the behavior of children, are becoming more common. Often, that parents, whose hearts will not falter from the suffering of the child, quite intelligent and know what they are doing. And yet they do.
What is the reason? Why? And how not to raise such a man from his child? Speculates psychologist and psychotherapist Anastasia Bondaruk.
Not only physical bistodeau Karamazov in Dostoevsky complains that it can not make that high even the heart of man and mind high, since the ideal of the Madonna, ends with the ideal of Sodom. Appalled that people with the ideal of Sodom in his soul does not deny the ideal of the Madonna, and these ideals ignite their hearts. And Mitya says, “No, wide man, even too broad, I would have narrowed”.
Christianity teaches that there is a man of passion, which is incompatible with eternal life, but there are passions which are not compatible with earthly life. It's no wonder the people were given those 10 commandments that we read today in the old Testament. The 10 commandments answer 10 our deepest longing. These passions, if you give them free, unlimited. Therefore, we teach children to believe in God and respect people, that this passion was banned. So in society there is a ban on the open hatred that can escalate into murder.
You can kill not only the physical methods, you can kill both psychologically and from this, people also die. Stroke and heart attack – the fastest and most widespread effects of mental attacks. But not all children are taught the principles of morality and conscience. Yes, we say that conscience is the voice of God. But how do we know that Christianity is necessary and our mission, sermon and what would be in the child's soul has matured conscience needs the help of a parent.
“No king in the head”: right and wrong hierarchies because of the abundance of iniquity in many waxed cold love. Because of the decrease of love, an increasing number of illegalities and decreases the measure of conscience. Psychiatrist and psychotherapist Jacques Lacan described as due to the relationship of love between father and mother formed the conscience of the child. If the family has fulfilled the law, the conscience Matures and the child. If the family establishes a hierarchy, i.e. there is the structure organized in a certain way. Hierarchy (from GK. hieros – sacred, and arche – rule) is the location of the parts or elements of a whole in order from lowest to highest.
The opposite of the principle of hierarchy the principle of equality. Thus, that which surrounds the developing baby from the outside, it becomes to them. Then the child in ourselves can either have a structural hierarchy, as they say in Russia – the "King's head", then all his lower powers of the soul will be driven higher. Or inside his person is the principle of equality. Any mental power can flow outward without any reflection.
This personality structure is defined by Lacan through the mechanism of psychological defense, he called forclose, i.e. padyshata. This mechanism of psychological defense implies that the Name of the Father rejected outside the symbolic order, or rather that It never happened in this order is integrated. We are talking about the lack of the paternal function, the lack of its symbolic law. So formed, for example, antisocial personality. People who cannot control their destructive impulses. So, what is this?
Lack of conscience, guilt and remorse. How is this affected by the position of his father?
Such a person can remember what is good and what is bad, but it does not have a moral intuition and a moral guardian who would never forget him, “what you want is intolerable.” (Yes, there are people for whom almost every desire seems terrible, but it's the other extreme). That is, this person understands the rules only at the level of logic, but he does not have feelings and desires to be conscientious. Because such desires are formed at the dawn of human life in relationship with father and mother.
People often ask: "what if I raise a child alone?" Here you need to remember how our people survived in the postwar years. Mothers tell their sons: "what are You doing? Your father for you have shed blood, died heroically. What would he say to that?" It formed the image of a strong father, father, hero, and the law of the father. And the child tried a little bit to fit. The law of the Heavenly Father, whose mother respects and loves, also creates this position.
Nowadays a lot is said about the role of the mother, the mother to sing a song, and about her father? "Dad...., only mother can't be." Often reading an interview about the functions of the father, you know that it all comes down to the features care for mothers and “Play with your child hide and seek” as described by O. Henry. It's not bad, even good. But it is not important. If the child has not formed a conscience thanks to the father, then brought up deeply sick man, and hilarious game will not save the situation.
Ethnologist-structuralist Claude Levi-Strauss described the structure of personality is the structure of kinship. Ie the law that prevailed in the family, will be the structure of personality. And if the family did not have a single mission control center, and identity. Yes, it can be a lot of nervousness, if this hard, but if it is not really is a psychosis. Unfortunately, the generation that was compression, so nostradamis from this, trying to understand the limits of freedom and often pushes them too widely. In the end, humans have not formed the ability to control your passionate desires. He doesn't have this function in the psyche, and each strong passion can be expressed in action, in reality. This is called the breakthrough of the pulse. So a person commits a very cruel and terrible acts.
Superficial charm and good "intelligence", absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thinking.
One of the first psychiatrists to describe antisocial and psychopathic personality, was the Director of the world famous asylum of bicêtre hospital on the outskirts of Paris, Philippe Pinel (1745-1826), the founder of modern psychiatry. He told the world about a group of patients suffering from "mania sans delire" ("madness without delirium"). The term meant that a person possessed of normal intelligence, but had behaved cruelly, antisocial, abused alcohol and drugs, irresponsible and immoral. Pinel struck that these people, as a rule, differed very developed intelligence, charm and was suffering from lack of morality.
Pathological egocentricity and inability to love.
The propensity to a parasitic way of life there is one quality of a person sociopathic. The ability to love is very closely connected with the existence of conscience. Since we don't notice that when love is already trying to take into account the interests of another, and this helps us a conscience. Love is the need of the other. With the development of antisociality man for himself is the whole world. Other he's not interested in. It is only possible to use them in their own interests, without feeling gratitude.
Failure to learn from experience.
Practicing psychiatrists in the first years after the birth of psychiatry was puzzled by the fact that the patients they treated, leaving their office or prison cell, not to draw conclusions from sentences and influences and not trying to change your behavior. “Why do they repeat the wrong decisions?”, asked the psychiatrists. “Because they have no place in the psyche, which could reflect, and draw conclusions about their lives. And because of the lack of conscience is not sustainable aspirations to become better” – have answered professionals psychodynamic direction.
Strong vs dispatchmessage for many, the concept of hierarchy has become something of an unhealthy and excessively overwhelming. Because of the excesses in this area is not always easy to find examples of a healthy hierarchy. To paraphrase Michurina, we can say that there is nothing to wait for favors from the environment, take them from her is our task. This means you need to learn to generate examples of healthy hierarchy, and Christianity in this rich experience. And healthy families also exist. In Orthodox families can be difficult when the power of parents can be overly rigid, the requirements too high. Accordingly, in such cases, senior is important to learn to see the possibilities and strength of the child.
Who is the strongest father? This is not the tyrannical father is not the father who knocks his fist on the Desk and demands respect, is not the father, intimidating all the punishment of God and forget about God's love. Often quoting the AP. Paul's "wife – head husband," forgetting that the full quote: "I also Want to let you know that the head of every man Christ, the head of the wife, the husband, and the head of Christ is God" (1 Cor.11.3) in order to be the wife of the head, it is important to be under the Law of Christ.published
Author Anastasia Bondaruk
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