Why is it so long to remember insults and not to say goodbye to offenders? Bashny.Net

What is resentment? The dictionary says: Unjustly caused grief, insult, and the feeling caused by such distress.? That is, when we are offended, we are upset, offended, and experience a spectrum of feelings related to the stimulus that caused them. It caused them... and then logic leads us to a dead end.

A girl who expects a bouquet from her boyfriend at a meeting is offended, having received one flower; an employee resents his superiors, having not received a bonus, the child resents his mother when she applies a penalty for a misdemeanor.

It seems that everything is logical – all the actors are upset or offended by external factors, and they caused all the feelings that the offended person feels now, and those that will follow later – for a week, a month, maybe a lifetime.

But let's try to forgive the person who hurt us. The guy will give a bouquet of even more flowers, the authorities will allocate several paid vacations, the mother will close her eyes to the next leprosy of the child.

It seems that there was an act of making amends to the offended, but in the next disputed situation between the same objects offended begin to appeal to recent or long-performed offenses - to remember about the flower / bonus, and children to adulthood remember parental punishment. PPWhy does the wound, as if healed and treated, bleed again?

It's simple - a mistake in the stimulus. After all, if the girl did not expect a bouquet, she would be happy with a flower, or even just a meeting with a loved one. If the employee did not expect a bonus, he would have no complaints to the boss. If the child did not hope for the absence of punishment, he would accept it with understanding or even commit it.

The problem of offenders is that they allow themselves to be offended by others, and most often it is a non-verbal demand for attention to their person..

Resentment is the unfair breakdown of our expectations from someone else. But our expectations, and therefore we are responsible for the fact that they did not meet.

Therefore, resentment is not forgotten, because they have not forgiven themselves, and we continue to accuse others of causing themselves unjust grief because of unfair expectations. published



P.S. And remember, just by changing our consumption – together we change the world!

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Source: vk.com/brain_up?w=wall-70427221_17092