After the first article about the Eastern women from Morocco, I threw tomatoes. And the propaganda of Islam saw and was told about what these women are poor, oppressed, without a choice. To argue I did not. Because everyone in any situation he sees his. Certainly there are terrible, terrible stories associated with Muslim women.
Despite the fact that I am not a supporter of Islam, do not promote any religion. I just write about what I see. And travel greatly expand my worldview.
But not talking about it. Having lived a month in Sri Lanka, I have my conclusions are not changed. It's a different country. Other culture. 75% of the population are Buddhists. Further, approximately equal proportions of Christians, Hindus and Muslims. We do not live in a tourist spot, and in a normal village. That is a month look at life from the inside out. Communicate with the locals, walk with them to the markets and so on.
Sixteen million seventy one thousand five hundred nineteen
With all this, the women here are the same as in Morocco. And very different from Russian. I've been looking for adjectives to describe Oriental women
. Tried to highlight the most important, elusive, that is in each of them. And apparently, focus on the fact that they:
- Calm and peaceful
- Natural and sincere
- With dignity
These three points are very hard to find in the usual Russian woman. If they are very often not all three, not in full.
But what makes them so? Why can they and we not? Because Sri Lanka the country is not particularly rich. They eat rice in most families three times a day because it's cheap. Walk or ride a scooter. That is, with the development of the country is not connected. Then what? Rather, traditions and culture.
What are lancini?
Girl from birth to death is protected. It would be a loud statement if I hadn't seen with my own eyes. Little Princess already dripping in gold (even in poor families). Since their appearance, the parents are hoarding them dowry. Land, a house, a car – someone that can.
Dads with babies is a special sight. They do allow them all. And looking at every little lady, see the Princess. So much of her dignity. Since small years.
There are a lot of female schools. Most parents want the girls studied separately. Parents of boys most often anyway – and they are enrolled in regular schools, where the daughters of "progressive" parents. So parents protect girls from early loves, stimulate education and research in women's science.
I don't know how different the program of such schools from usual. But I've seen Buddhist, Hindu, Christian and Muslim female schools. The program in them, I think, quite different. I've heard that cooking and sewing in such schools are taught necessarily.
90% of women are in saree, skirts, or dresses. Girls in jeans are found only in the capital. Or in tourist areas – and they are not local. Even if the girl in the village will wear jeans on top she will dress of shalwar-kameez.
Women are always dressed elegant, even on a normal day. At first it seems that somewhere the occasion. So many beautiful women in Sari. And then you realize that they always go. And for the holidays, wearing the same Sari, simply embroidered with stones and sequins.
The clothing is quite chaste. Can be opened back in saree, hands. But his legs, chest and stomach are always hidden by the folds of the rustling of clothing. And the greatest virtue in the eyes. They are easy to blush from the compliments, they openly show embarrassment, hiding his eyes and even hiding behind her husband (or father) in difficult situations.
Moreover, their purity and chastity do not allow them to swim in the ocean in a bikini. You can see women swimming in clothes. But swimsuit can wear only one of thousands — if not one of ten thousand lankier. Just because they are uncomfortable standing almost naked in the middle of the beach. And the swimsuit, you will immediately realize that the girl is either coming, or capital.
The groom now girls choose for themselves. Used to do parents in small age. Again with the purpose of protection. In adolescence she was attached to someone or falling, and knew that she has a husband. Now young come to parents immediately after the blessing.
Married here come out once and for all. Divorce for them is a very expensive phenomenon. And the divorced woman married no one will take. It is not accepted. Therefore, they learn to negotiate. It would seem that after this point one could say that they suffer, clenching his teeth. But no. They learn to love each other. Just look at normal family life, and all will become clear.
After the wedding, the woman starts to defend her husband. And it is visible to the naked eye. 70% of women do not work. Those who work – usually in schools and hospitals, not busy all day. In the capital, of course, the picture is different, closer to the modern.
What do women do? They walk with the kids and friends, play house, go shopping. And very rare to find lancino alone. They are always female flocks. So, standing in the shop Sari – first, one flock flew in, then another. And chirp, chirp. All touch, laugh, and buys nothing. And you go on.
After her husband's death the care of the mother usually takes the eldest son. And so on. That is, a woman, being born, is already protected. And it gives her peace and tranquility.All restrictions that exist in a woman's life, have a main goal to protect her from the outside world and herself.
- Chaste clothes — not to provoke men to save the woman, do not let it become someone else's trophy.
- Many learn only school that saves them from the "cleverness" in family life.
- Home improvement is not to injure the psyche of a need to earn money and anxiety about the future.
- Large families — to make her where to go, what to do and where to be realized.
- Early marriage and girls ' schools to avoid early love and anxiety of mind, because his fate.
- Simply approach the father to the groom to help her daughter choose the most worthy.
And so on.
But we used to see this as the only limitation. The restriction of her rights, freedom, opportunities for growth. Although it gives the woman protection.
Interestingly, they would exchange their safety for the right to hammer down the political debate, the opportunity to bring home their own rupees, to wear revealing outfits, spend 10 hours a day to build a career?
Seventeen million thirty eight thousand five hundred thirty fourWe have different
Rarely any Russian girl from birth so protected and cherished. Few people manage to maintain a sense of self-worth. But isn't it a reason to think about the fact that we do not simply cease to seek protection from men, but refuse when we offer her?
I don't see that lancini carrying heavy bags. They just shout the first thing that comes to men and those helping them. I haven't seen the local girls, nailing the shelves in the shops. They just laid out a beautiful product. Moreover, control all stores – men. Even the Sari shop. Women of Sri Lanka just climb ahead farther and get a decent reward.
Even if the child does not receive protection even if family life it is now there is no reason to refuse. We reject male protection when:
- Criticize them publicly or privately.
- I want to do everything yourself.
- Don't want to ask for help.
- Refuse if we offer assistance.
- Argue with them and show their "cleverness".
- Competing with them for supremacy.
- Earn – deliberately – more money.
- Prove to them your mind and strength.
- Not showing his feelings.
- Don't show your weakness.
- Work for money, even being married and in abundance.
Look at this list and understand that this is not the man was crushed. We took away their ability to remain men.
A strong woman needs a man stronger?
I often say a strong woman, that all this is nonsense. They need man, just let it be stronger.
But how do you imagine that? Meet, for example, he and she. And begin to compete. Who-who. But the force of it may decrease, increase over time.
For example, he "won". And she decided to give up. But the worm inside still wears away: "Who is like the dare at all to defeat me?"She – consciously or not – will increase your power. Try to earn more, try to do more. That is, the competition will continue.
Men have two choices – continue to live all my life on this nuclear reactor. Or to find another woman that won't prove anything to him. To expend our energies on external achievements, not to fight.
That's why I say that a strong man – he's not stupid. And he's looking for his weak feminine woman. The one where he has the opportunity to be strong. To carry bags, to cut firewood to earn money. Spend his manhood to achieve, to expand the scope of its influence.
And for those who want to do it myself, and get other men. That will give it the priority and will be warm on the couch at home.
And complaining that the husband does not provide protection, I suggest first to answer honestly, if you give him the chance. Or do you expect that you will win, and then happy? After all, the poor woman can only do unhappy.
Yes, the easiest way to nurture it from childhood, and by proxy. So if you have a little girl – you can do the formation of this attitude.But if we grew up in a time when:
- The birth of girls was less than happy (especially if the girl in the family is not the first);
- My mother worked a lot and didn't pay attention;
- Dad worked a lot or was busy with something;
- By educating children not the parents, and preschool institutions (kindergartens) and schools;
- New dresses were considered overkill, buy them anywhere and nothing;
- Feelings and desires were ignored;
- The General background of families – is unstable and irritated.
Does all this mean that we may not feel worthy? Does all this mean that it is impossible to cultivate that sense of self?
If our tests become our prison, that we're victims. Victims of their own parents, society, upbringing, kindergartens.All that can be done with the past is to accept it and move on.
It is impossible to rewrite, edit, delete. Even on the constellations we never do that. We are changing the vision – can see her from the side, to see other aspects. We can change attitudes, to draw conclusions and to go further.
But if we spend our lives blaming their parents that they are unable to teach us the feminine is the position of the victim.
- I can't be weak, because the mother was strong.
- I can't trust the man because I was already betrayed.
- I don't want to get married because my parents got divorced.
- I don't want to be a woman, because my dad wanted a boy.
- I must not show my emotions, because once paid for it.
- I have no right to ask for anything because I always said no.
Every day I see the statuses, comments, emails. Do you really believe that there is an unbreakable link? That cause and effect are inextricably linked? And that there's nothing you can do?I personally think and feel otherwise.
- Seeing an example of a strong mom, you can want to be weak and start to live differently.
- Forgiving and letting go of resentment, you can decide to believe again in someone.
- Seeing mistakes in the relationship of parents, it is possible not to repeat them in their lives.
- You can stop to replace your dad son and give him a wonderful daughter. That is, himself.
- You can have the courage to be yourself – and cry when hurt.
- You can go ahead of the children's failure – and again ask.
The main thing that is necessary is a desire. The desire to change your life. And quit looking for blame. Karma, astrological periods, childhood trauma. If all of this just to use as an excuse from personal growth as a reason to whine and complain, as an explanation for all his failures in life, nothing will change.
Yes, someone, everything is easier. Someone born into a family with strong traditions. And immediately nurtured in love and with a sense of dignity. Someone born in a wealthy family, and does not feel the need to work. Someone born in a developed country. And so on.
But if you're born here, so I had to. In front of you – your lessons, opportunities, challenges. And all the exams you need to pass.For Russian women, I see three main exam:
1. Learn to be calm and peaceful. And the main tool for this is to learn to ask for protection and assistance. Ask for and accept.
2. Learn to be natural and sincere. Not to seem, but to be yourself. Present. Without roles or masks. And when we remove our masks – we see the female body. And this test becomes more difficult. After all, it is necessary to take female share, female way to learn how to use girl power.
3. To gain a sense of self-worth. Which will be a litmus test in relations with people. Where overreacted, but where they could still try.
And final exam integration. Learn how to combine all three elements. And tranquility, and sincerity and dignity. So from nothing to give, nothing to lose.
I wish each one of you to get "excellent" on each of these items. To make your life filled with Happiness and Love. So you can carry this light on — their friends, their families.
From women very much depends. Incredibly much. From each of us. Around happy world starts with happy families and happy people. Remember this when saving the world, will come home to even more Love their home.published
Author: Olga Valyaeva
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki