Mom + dad = sex. And no children! Bashny.Net

How much still depends on the relationship of husband and wife. And even no matter whether they could save the friendship, warmth, or at least some semblance of a normal relationship. And from the fact whether they are a couple, lovers.

As strange as it sounds, but this fact is not only will determine the healthy or not healthy climate in the family, but is also a key determinant of a number of psychosomatic symptoms in children.

Adult sexuality, "diffuse field", not directed at another adult, forcing a child to respond in response. As well as "respond" as an adult for the child, he responds to another body, e.g. the skin.

The skin is generally the body which is our physical boundary, and if the child's boundaries are violated, skin disorders can show this. Itchy, flaky, swollen, reddened hands and feet, especially at the inner thighs can be a sign that the child's boundaries are violated.

He is forced to respond to adult sexuality. Often densely such moments, adults "don't get it". The mother can sleep with the baby (and not so important daughter's or son), she can walk around the apartment half-naked or completely naked, to let go yourself in the bathroom; the father embraces daughter, pressing her to his naked body.

And even all this may not be, adults can be buttoned up, but there is something that does not fasten and not to hide – adult sexuality. And if it is not directed to another adult if she is not focused, is not accumulated within a pair, just hovers in the field, then it attracted children.

Who answers the skin, cause a stuffy nose, who by constant inflammation of the nasopharynx, who asthma, who neurosis – for example, the desire to constantly wash and clean yourself.

What to do with it? it is only logical that you ask.





First of all ... boundaries.

Everyone has their own bed, their own space, their own territory, their right to intimacy. Those things that people normally do behind closed doors, there needs to occur. You're not going to change in front of strangers? And walk in front of my husband's friends in his underpants? And not to close the bathroom door? I knew one family which has for a long time there was no door to the bathroom.

The bedroom door of the parents ideally should be closed always, not perfect – at least at night.

I can hear the indignant cries of some comrades: "Stop! But we're not strangers! We're a family!"

You and your husband or wife – Yes. What you can do if your sexual partner is impossible to do with the child. These are different levels of relationships and boundaries.

I know a woman who persistently came to change where the whole family gathered, she could remove the bra and stand in front of their adult sons Topless, enthusiastically communicating. She always did, since breast-fed them. In her understanding, nothing has changed – they remained her young son. "They're my children! What is this!?"

Sexuality is such a thing, I don't know where to shoot. Maybe so – in the unconscious incestuous behavior. This behavior, when an adult, not realizing in this report, seduces their child.

Feeling the boundaries of intimacy – a very important thing. Its own borders, boundaries of another person and the boundaries of intimacy of the couple. If their own borders well, it's much easier to take the right of another person to personal space and to understand where the boundaries of intimacy as a couple is separating her from other people and especially children.

Children raised in families where boundaries are chronically violated, which was attended by incestuoso unconscious behavior on the part of parents, may grow estranged parents. Nabegavshis "this" as a child, afraid not to cope with their own sexuality, not to keep boundaries, they build between themselves and the children not penetrable wall, fearing once again to touch the child, especially the child of the opposite sex.

The truth is that children just need touch, need tenderness, love, warmth. Children who do not receive physical contact with a loving caring adult affects not less, than children whose boundaries have been breached. From the adult requires a subtle feeling of own boundaries of intimacy and the boundaries of intimacy of the child.

It is important to remember that the child's body is his personal territory, and not the property of parents.

It is his sovereign country. And manipulation of the body, especially the invasion of the body (such as enemas or injections) on a subconscious level, perceived as sexual violence. Think about it, when will take next time to treat the child, maybe there's some more gentle ways of his salvation, in which you can do without violence.

With the boundaries of intimacy of the individual have always been hard.

Still in schools continue to exist in the public toilets, in a serious University, I observed the toilet with no doors. In school, my youngest daughter, the boys and girls change for PE together in the same class. Will not forget the moment when we the Soviet schoolchildren were rounded up to the gym for my physical and had all the girls standing in the line to the podiatrist naked to the waist. What here the boundaries of intimacy.

According to the results of psychological research: the most traumatic for people in prison is not a deprivation of liberty and deprivation of the right to intimacy. Think about it, if you decide to organize a "open office", where employees sit elbow to elbow, if not harder.

The boundaries of the right person not only in the public space, but also in the family.

I remember the cries of one of the father: "I hate closing doors! If we're a family, then all doors must be open!"

Each person should be a space where he can be alone and where no one has the right to interfere – it is his right to intimacy, on his own world, his territory where he feels safe and protected. And it was his decision to let you in there or not. If the child has the ability to close your room key, there is no need to sit for hours in toilet or bathroom, he will be able to feel in his room.

And you have got a place besides the toilet, where no one will bother?

At the same time with personal boundaries, there are boundary pairs, where other people in your team, and children is generally prohibited. In the field of sex to children is not the place.

It's real and territorial boundaries – your own room, closed the door, taking care of their own privacy. (In many families the parent's bedroom is a "room" or "lounge" or even walk-through room that has no doors.)

And "virtual" boundaries – when adult sexuality is focused on his sexual partner, not a child.

Here, it is probably the most difficult.

If the real borders are more and less understandable, is that controlled and is sufficient to carry out the rules and everything is OK, then there are things under the clothes can not hide and the doors are not fenced off. It's their own sexuality.

And thank God that you have it. Another issue is that the sexuality of an adult should be directed to another adult and if this adult is not, then she rushes restless and is attached to the child. Her “slaveway” child. Unconscious “slaveway”.

Yes, and you will probably, is not so easy to understand what is happening, although some still feel the arising of their own excitement or “something” in the touches and caresses of the child from whom the adult is not alone. The problem is that if men or women are not sex objects for some reason it is not now even a spouse, that sexuality “is bottled in the field” and is addressed to the child.

A whole range of psychosomatic disorders occurs in this soil have children, not to mention the emergence of psychological trauma associated with the violation of boundaries. The child seems to be no violence, the boundaries of the body are not invading, and the trauma of sexual exploitation appears. Therefore, in order not to turn your child into a sexual partner, address the whole of your sexuality to another adult.

It is clear that the woman will not just refuse sex with her husband or make his own life so that it would not be men, but this is a topic for another conversation.

Now it is important to understand one thing – when the family improve the relationship between mom and dad when paired occurs and awakens passion, when there is a border of a love idyll, this benefits everyone, and most of all children.

Children no longer pull the burden of parental sexuality. And excited where they really don't need it. Their body ceases to hear the call of adult love.

I watched as instantly lighten sore spots on the hands have ten girls after mom and dad remembered that they were a couple and spent the night full of passion and love. And as a 6-year-old boy stopped compulsively wash my hands after, my mother began to sleep in my own bed and stopped to walk around the apartment in his shorts. published

 

Author: Irina Dubova

 

 

See also: What really should our children?

How to answer awkward questions children

 

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: dybova.ru/news/mama-papa-seks-i-nikakix-detej/