How to wean children away from soda and what toys to give? How to raise children in the Orthodox Church and how to speak with them about death?
Yulia Pavlyuchenkova – mom of four blood and seven adopted children. She not only manages to bring them together with husband Nikolay Kazakov, but also actively participates in public life. She is the President of the National Antidrug Union, Chairman of the Board, Orthodox charity Fund "Want to Believe" engaged in a mission in support of Orthodoxy in the Republic of Abkhazia, the candidate of political Sciences, author and host of programs on the Orthodox radio station "Radonezh". To do everything and to maintain a harmonious relationship in the family, without any "secrets" of education is not enough. The points system
We saw it from different psychologists. The essence of the system is that if the child himself, without reminders, makes his bed, brushes his teeth, washes his face, cleans his shoes and neatly put their belongings after school, he is awarded points. And for these points you can purchase additional benefits in the form of going to the movies, to the Park, to go ride in winter on a snowy hill, watch further movies, play computer.
We have, in this sense, as in the army. There is no such thing as like/dislike, want/don't want. That is, the children think like that, but as adults, we eat what's put on the table. It always surprised in kindergartens and schools: "As your children eat fish?!".
We are trying to broadcast respect for food, its preparation and say: "what the Lord gave, and eat." If the child does not want, is naughty, we have it is simple: "I don't want to eat, don't. Until your next meal you are free".
We are very responsible attitude to health, to food, to the quality of life and translate it to your own children. If they see advertisements of yogurts, chips, crackers, you begin: "Oh, crackers! Oh, chips!" In such a situation we begin to tell the impact of genetically modified soy additives. We do this for many years, talking about proper nutrition, what foods, what — not.
At first I didn't understand what this was saying, because the reaction to the chips and stuff were still enthusiastic. A few years later I saw them, I continued to broadcast, and tell the other kids why you can't eat the crackers, why not have chips, why not drink soda. It pleased me, because over time, children developed a position, and I really hope that it will move in their family.
Don't know whether it's the legacy of my childhood, or just a perception of life, but I am convinced that everyone needs to exercise. In addition, in my opinion, girls must sing, the choreography. The latter is necessary for plastics, to posture, to gait.
Boys need to engage in power sports. Our family history is a struggle. Wrestling give the boys coordination, nurtures their spirit, strengthens the will power, teach them to be more stable, more sturdy. And all of our children have been drawing.
Every child in the week is your day of duty. This includes washing dishes, cleaning, help younger in dressing, cleaning of beds. If something is not cleaned, we know whom to ask, whose is the responsibility to a specific day.
About the game
All children are different. Serge, for example, generally can't play with toys, anything that gets in his hands, breaks down in 10-15 minutes after the start of the games and more can not be restored. Girls play together, they have the usual role-playing, mothers and daughters, for example. Stake it's easier not to play, and to study plant life, life butterfly, life of dolls, a bug's life, to catch one and put in jars.We don't give ourselves the right to meddle in the internal life of the child and force them to play certain games. Because buy gifts that match the interests of the child. It is either scientific experiments or simple aircraft, cars are not thought that they are in for ten minutes will be broken.
I am convinced and believe that children should be the most personal space, privacy with wildlife, the opportunity to go, to run, to walk, to Tinker with a stick in the ground to dig up something, to see how it grows as the water flows as a stream runs to wet the feet. We treat this very quietly, probably because we live in nature, in your home.
It is through communion with nature, participation in her life and self-awareness as part of the child develops and understands its place, the purpose of himself as a man.
About education in Orthodoxy
For my parent, the company I had a variety of experiments. Starting from compulsions and long daily morning and evening prayers, walking several times a week for Vespers and Liturgy to a full tranquillity in this matter even in case of strong resistance of the child.
Today I came to the conclusion that the force to raise a child in the Orthodox faith is unrealistic. If you force to grow the apostate may be the same as those that once in the seventeenth years of the twentieth century demolished temples, murdered priests.
On the other hand, if not to influence the child's upbringing in the faith, this faith he suddenly appears. And nothing better than your own example and the example of my friends I have not found.
Around us there is such a environment where people are quietly talking on Orthodox topics, their life is tailored to the Orthodox calendar, they lived up to the holidays, the posts, some events of the Russian Orthodox Church, and most importantly – participate in Church sacraments and try all the things you build so that they do not contradict the faith. Children are watching this, watching us and such a life becomes natural for them.
And I noticed that great importance is the personality of the parish priest, the identity of the friends of the clergy and monastics. As our family are often very different guests, and we go to different monasteries, for children of different meetings are of great importance. They fondly remember about them or worried if these people have been some difficult events. Children will often ask them very deep questions about the relationship with God.
Literally every day from friends, acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors, there are some events, which can also hear kids. For example, Mary didn't come home, Peter brought a girl. I think it is extremely important to broadcast their position in relation to this. We older guys could say "Mom, can we go there we go, we'll take Nastya". What I'm in the presence of a younger very clear and very clearly voiced their positions on what home you can bring the wife and spend the night with you can only his wife, so boys, please keep that in mind.A very similar dialogue with the girls, for example: "I will grow up, meet a guy and we fall in love". Start a conversation about the stages of love, about love, about the challenge in understanding whether it's your people, about the blessing from the priest, parents, about marriage, weddings, and then already about family life, the appearance of the children.
In my opinion, it is very important clear stream of his own position, even when you're talking about her roommate and think that no one can hear you. It may be that this conversation will be heard, and it will form the basis of the conclusions of your children.
In my opinion, in conversations with children, conversations about God, conversations about human life there should be conversations about death. When he died one grandmother died, another grandmother died friends, relatives, we first thought is to protect children, but then I realized that this is a very wrong position.
We talked about the fact that man lives a certain number of years and that early people lived longer, read excerpts from the old Testament that lived for eight hundred and six hundred, and four hundred years.
The death of friends or relatives – is an occasion to talk about sin, about man, about his readiness to die, to tell about the afterlife, that is, in the tradition of the Church. In my opinion, this topic must cease to be taboo.published
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P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©