It is no secret that having done a favor, the person consciously or subconsciously waiting for a response. It's no secret that the person who received the favor, feels a desire to reciprocate. There are exceptions, but this is an exception, they are quite noticeable, and we will try to discuss the rule itself.
The expectation of gratitude or a desire to repay involves the remembering of who did what to whom. A balance, to understand what we need so-and-so: good or bad, and how much.
We can say that the head we have a count for all these offsets. The counter, of course, is very conditional, because it is impossible to estimate exactly how important one another was this or that act. And tedious such pettiness. "I offered a cigarette four times, and he gave me three. But I treated him expensive cigarettes, and he gave me so-so..."The relations "I — you" is usually quite unconscious and erratic, on an emotional level. This is often used.
For example, I know a psychologist who at the beginning of every time there is some souvenir. After some time he thus, with the help of the teachings of Pavlov and Durov develops an opinion of themselves as nice and good person, even with a lack of evidence.
Then you can gifts do cease, the opinion is already formed. To honor him I must say that without the Souvenirs he himself is really nice and interesting person.
Other groups made things to consider, especially in a professional environment. You've been on duty for me, I'll ottiolu for you.
Of course, all these scores is much more complicated than even the above-mentioned calculations on the number and price of cigarettes in which someone was treated. For example, I fixed the car and I gave him a recommendation for work. It is the equal services or not? And who knows.
In monetary terms, such calculations are simply meaningless. It is only important that any favor, however small, is a sign of respect or other a good relationship. This is much more important, and money will not appreciate... Therefore, for simplicity, the counter works as follows:
two approximately, very roughly of the same value kompensiruet. That is service as a unit of account. My wife at work it is formulated: "With me once."
The writer Eric Frank Russell is a great story "And there was no one" that describes a society in which there is no money. People take into account the liabilities ("Oba"), and take into account explicitly and quantitatively.
"Now," explained Baines, you did something for me. This means that you have on me. For what you've done for me, I thank you will not. It's no good. All I have to do is pay about.
— The obligation. I owe you. But why spend money on a long word when short enough? Commitment is about. I got treated this way: here in the house lives Set Wolterton. He owes me half a dozen mandatory. So I will cancel on you and give you the opportunity to repay one about Seth in the following way: send you to him, so he fed you. Jeff scribbles something on a piece of paper. — Give it to Waterton.
Harrison stared at the note. Very sloppy handwriting it said, "Feed this bum".Fiction, in this case, nothing is invented. He just brought existing between people's relationship to coherent form.
In the netting "mandatory" there is always some credit. It is important to ensure that the balance is not skewed on the side of too much or too long.
If the balance is skewed, it can have two unpleasant consequences: the one who gave too much credit will push toad, and he to whom the loan fell, will feel uncomfortable because at any moment he may be all "debt" at once. Both can be very cool relations. So if someone is diligently trying to repay, should not interfere, even if it's gratitude to you and to anything.
Do not burden a person's credit, if he is uncomfortable to feel obligated. It happens differently. Another friend of mine, for reviews very heavy person, nice and courteous, if you keep the loan in their favor, to render him services more often than you, even on the little things. Here, however, it is unknown who to train...It's quite comfortable among friends, acquaintances, neighbours, even work colleagues. But in business communication difficulties and tricks.
For example, if your business partner helped you during paintball games, does this mean that you would have to thank him a discount on the contract?
Peregovorshchiki in fact there is a whole section on how return on short-term bonuses (cute Secretary at the table, good wine...) to much more significant changes in the contract. The game is on that contract while it is only a piece of paper, and it is normal to answer "Yes" to change the menu to say "Yes" to changes in the contract. There "Yes" "Yes"... And the result sign is not what we would like.
Do not like the outcome — change their behavior100 principles of attraction
The same happens in the family.
More cunning husband deliberately goes for a loan simple and easy for him to obtain concessions in something more important for him, and in a completely unrelated fields.
It is important that this loan was seen not to have perceived the natural course of things. I once witnessed the wife turned to her husband: "I am the child YOU gave birth!" God knows how it was understood...Summary:
Give in the details and be demanding in a major.
Provide easy services.
Turn off large loans.published
Author: Alexander Lebedev
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©