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James Altucher about how to find your confidence: 6 steps
Well-known entrepreneur and author shares his, as always, paradoxical experience.
I am constantly nervous. When I am invited to a party at the last moment I always try to sneak out. Last year I arranged a party and I tried not to come. It took three calls from my friends, to still convince me to go there.
A business transaction is the same before each meeting I'm afraid, and strive to ignore them. One time I left mid-meeting because you were afraid to say something.
Agreed with a new friend for coffee? At the last moment I canceled. Promised to deliver a lecture? Back it up. Go to dinner with the idea to establish new contacts? All the time silent.
As a child in summer camp, I too was silent all the time. They thought something wrong, so I sat all day in the billiard room and chased balls, while behind me the bus came.
Parents asked: "what is wrong with you?" And I had no answer. I laid in bed and feared the morning. I just wanted to sit, read, watch TV or play with his father. I wanted to be a hermit.
But today I inspire confidence. I hate all sorts of "life hacks" and tricks. But I have to survive, feed the family, to function.
The following paragraphs help me and not necessarily will help you. But try.
1. Mirror neurons
I formulated for myself the following rules: before a date I look at the performance of some comedian. Before the show I also watch a comic performance, and sometimes a film with Humphrey Bogart. Bogart confident exactly how I want to be confident. He has a kind of "ugly charisma", as I call it. No one will deny that the actor has charisma, but he's ugly and could easily succumb to fear, and not become more confident.
I'm not trying to consciously study what do comedians or Humphrey Bogart. Just like if I see people climbing the stairs, I don't think, "well, he put one foot, then the other, then moved a step up." Just in our brains have "mirror neurons". You see something and learn. So we adapt.
When I look at YouTube video in which someone demonstrates tremendous confidence in a difficult situation — it's like the injection of some potent drugs. In the next 2-10 hours, I imitate that confidence, even if you do not realize this. Try. It works.
2. Surrender
When I comment something stupid on TV, I put in a dark room. Looking at me camera. In the ear I got the thing to which I whisper: "Move a little to the left".
I say "45 seconds". I sit there and think in two minutes I will watch hundreds of thousands of people. And I'm ugly, I don't want them looking at me. And I begin to fear.
Suddenly I forget what I want to say? If I know generally what I'm saying? (Often the answer is "no").
And that's what I do: I surrender. I say to myself: I have no special plan, I just want to help people. Please, can I say or do something that will help the greatest number of people?
From whom I ask this? I don't know. I'm not pretending to talk with someone, I just say it. I feel like giving up. What will happen, it will happen. But I believe that some part of me will achieve the best possible outcome in this situation.
3. Setting beginner
I'm asking the questions. When I go to participate in someone else's podcast, I ask questions. If I find out anything new, it is already a victory for me. When I meet a new person, I ask questions. I feel more confident when asking questions and learn than when you answer the questions. This elementary mathematics: in a world with more questions than answers. So the questions come up easier. Easier to say: "I don't know anything. I feel confident in this ignorance. The world is open for exploration. Let's start right now."
I like Lawrence of Arabia in the desert. It is huge, hot, she seems the same in all directions. I can do one step, then another — and ever to get to the edge. I'm sure I can do it.
In addition, people willing to talk to those who want to listen to them.
4. Experience
This technique of a different kind. I started 20 businesses and participated in a hundred. I've written 18 books. I've given lectures. I was married twice. I have two children.
It doesn't mean anything. But I have something to talk about. If anyone wants to talk about it, I rely on my experience. I think of the most important challenges and joys faced, and start with this.
I can confidently say: "the Worst part of it was that something, and then I did that." It's true. Maybe it won't help anyone. But I'm sure this was my problem or the greatest joy.
5. Uncertainty is a certainty
Confidence is often only an unstable ladder on which we climb upward, and which could easily collapse. It is better not to be sure of anything and honestly admit it. Is there any sense to understand the world, to know him, but at the same time understand that this knowledge is, quite possibly, a mistake? It's too hard. Try to recognize that and you will see that the confidence is just pouring out of your ears.
6. Alien
I Wake up and open my eyes. Who am I? I pretend I'm an alien from another dimension, another universe, another time. I ask: whose body is this? What am I supposed to do with it? What is my mission?
If that sounds crazy, you are right. I'm not too smart. But it helps me. I am a messenger from outer space, and I forgot what is my message. So I'm looking for clues everywhere. And it gives me confidence. I representative of the measurement, and nothing I could use. I have only one day to fulfill my mission.
I must be the most insecure person in the world. I fell to the bottom in all respects, in business, in marriage, in personal life. But through trial and error I use the above techniques. And they work.
Now I'm writing a new book. It's about how I try to learn something from everyone I meet. From each experience I try to bring one useful conclusion. Learn one thing that you can use in another area of my life. And it is also a source of confidence.
Also interesting: Men and Women: stage of development
5 rules to live by head of Amazon Jeff Bezos
But in the end I ask myself: why do I need all this confidence? I'm on this planet just for a brief moment. And most of the time I sleep, eat, defecate, fall in love and Vice versa, and also cry and shout.
What else should I do?
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: ideanomics.ru/?p=6897
I am constantly nervous. When I am invited to a party at the last moment I always try to sneak out. Last year I arranged a party and I tried not to come. It took three calls from my friends, to still convince me to go there.
A business transaction is the same before each meeting I'm afraid, and strive to ignore them. One time I left mid-meeting because you were afraid to say something.
Agreed with a new friend for coffee? At the last moment I canceled. Promised to deliver a lecture? Back it up. Go to dinner with the idea to establish new contacts? All the time silent.
As a child in summer camp, I too was silent all the time. They thought something wrong, so I sat all day in the billiard room and chased balls, while behind me the bus came.
Parents asked: "what is wrong with you?" And I had no answer. I laid in bed and feared the morning. I just wanted to sit, read, watch TV or play with his father. I wanted to be a hermit.
But today I inspire confidence. I hate all sorts of "life hacks" and tricks. But I have to survive, feed the family, to function.
The following paragraphs help me and not necessarily will help you. But try.
1. Mirror neurons
I formulated for myself the following rules: before a date I look at the performance of some comedian. Before the show I also watch a comic performance, and sometimes a film with Humphrey Bogart. Bogart confident exactly how I want to be confident. He has a kind of "ugly charisma", as I call it. No one will deny that the actor has charisma, but he's ugly and could easily succumb to fear, and not become more confident.
I'm not trying to consciously study what do comedians or Humphrey Bogart. Just like if I see people climbing the stairs, I don't think, "well, he put one foot, then the other, then moved a step up." Just in our brains have "mirror neurons". You see something and learn. So we adapt.
When I look at YouTube video in which someone demonstrates tremendous confidence in a difficult situation — it's like the injection of some potent drugs. In the next 2-10 hours, I imitate that confidence, even if you do not realize this. Try. It works.
2. Surrender
When I comment something stupid on TV, I put in a dark room. Looking at me camera. In the ear I got the thing to which I whisper: "Move a little to the left".
I say "45 seconds". I sit there and think in two minutes I will watch hundreds of thousands of people. And I'm ugly, I don't want them looking at me. And I begin to fear.
Suddenly I forget what I want to say? If I know generally what I'm saying? (Often the answer is "no").
And that's what I do: I surrender. I say to myself: I have no special plan, I just want to help people. Please, can I say or do something that will help the greatest number of people?
From whom I ask this? I don't know. I'm not pretending to talk with someone, I just say it. I feel like giving up. What will happen, it will happen. But I believe that some part of me will achieve the best possible outcome in this situation.
3. Setting beginner
I'm asking the questions. When I go to participate in someone else's podcast, I ask questions. If I find out anything new, it is already a victory for me. When I meet a new person, I ask questions. I feel more confident when asking questions and learn than when you answer the questions. This elementary mathematics: in a world with more questions than answers. So the questions come up easier. Easier to say: "I don't know anything. I feel confident in this ignorance. The world is open for exploration. Let's start right now."
I like Lawrence of Arabia in the desert. It is huge, hot, she seems the same in all directions. I can do one step, then another — and ever to get to the edge. I'm sure I can do it.
In addition, people willing to talk to those who want to listen to them.
4. Experience
This technique of a different kind. I started 20 businesses and participated in a hundred. I've written 18 books. I've given lectures. I was married twice. I have two children.
It doesn't mean anything. But I have something to talk about. If anyone wants to talk about it, I rely on my experience. I think of the most important challenges and joys faced, and start with this.
I can confidently say: "the Worst part of it was that something, and then I did that." It's true. Maybe it won't help anyone. But I'm sure this was my problem or the greatest joy.
5. Uncertainty is a certainty
Confidence is often only an unstable ladder on which we climb upward, and which could easily collapse. It is better not to be sure of anything and honestly admit it. Is there any sense to understand the world, to know him, but at the same time understand that this knowledge is, quite possibly, a mistake? It's too hard. Try to recognize that and you will see that the confidence is just pouring out of your ears.
6. Alien
I Wake up and open my eyes. Who am I? I pretend I'm an alien from another dimension, another universe, another time. I ask: whose body is this? What am I supposed to do with it? What is my mission?
If that sounds crazy, you are right. I'm not too smart. But it helps me. I am a messenger from outer space, and I forgot what is my message. So I'm looking for clues everywhere. And it gives me confidence. I representative of the measurement, and nothing I could use. I have only one day to fulfill my mission.
I must be the most insecure person in the world. I fell to the bottom in all respects, in business, in marriage, in personal life. But through trial and error I use the above techniques. And they work.
Now I'm writing a new book. It's about how I try to learn something from everyone I meet. From each experience I try to bring one useful conclusion. Learn one thing that you can use in another area of my life. And it is also a source of confidence.
Also interesting: Men and Women: stage of development
5 rules to live by head of Amazon Jeff Bezos
But in the end I ask myself: why do I need all this confidence? I'm on this planet just for a brief moment. And most of the time I sleep, eat, defecate, fall in love and Vice versa, and also cry and shout.
What else should I do?
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: ideanomics.ru/?p=6897
