Stones wrapped in felt: Throw this stone back!

He who cannot growl will not find his pack.

Charles Simik



If a friend is suddenly...



I want to talk about stones wrapped in cotton wool or soft felt. Sometimes we get these stones from our closest and dearest.





I had a client today who was describing the situation she was in, her fears and her experiences.

She is now alone and cannot find a man. She has friends who are more successful on the personal front. She meets with them regularly to talk about life, men and relationships. In what direction? This one.

- You should go to my dentist, he's so handsome! What do you think you can do? said a friend.

- How do you manage not to find someone? another echoes her. We were at a nightclub yesterday and there were so many amazing men!

- If I were you, I would have married a long time ago!



All this is nothing but stones wrapped in felt. They strike with almost the same force as ordinary cobblestones. It looks different, but the essence does not change, the stone remains a stone. Imagine if you were struck by a stone or stone wrapped in a soft cloth, would you feel less offended?

- “Daughter, at least let me walk with you,” says my mother, “because you don’t have a man.”

It's a stone wrapped in a cloth of insincere care.



- Oh, poor girl, how are you gonna handle this huge report? Although you are alone, what else do you do this weekend, says a colleague, pulling on his coat to go home.

And it is also a stone in your garden, a stone wrapped for decency in a paper of pretended sympathy.



- Good for you, I order two packs of paint on my hair, and you probably have one tube for 2 times enough, the girlfriend chirps, combing the luxurious mane of her hair in front of the mirror.

The background? To rise at your expense. Against your background, emphasize your successes.



Sincere empathy does not carry an underlying desire to reinforce its significance. A strong person does not need to point out the weaknesses of others in order to feel stronger.

It is up to you how you fertilize your land. If you want to clog your soul, take it. If you don't want it, give it back.



What did I advise at that consultation? Answer. Give back what you don't need.

We're women. We rarely punch each other in the face. We can do pain covertly, very skillfully, sophisticatedly, pressing on the most sick, intimate, heavy points.

Learn to distinguish sincere sympathy from stone. The difference is that you will always be offered help. Real. Real, not in words.

If it's just a stone wrapped in a beautiful piece of paper, what do you do? Throw it back.

Sometimes aggression must be met with aggression.This saves time, energy and nerves. Make it sound tough. That's not what you expect to hear in a psychologist's office. I am a psychologist and my advice is this: Throw this stone back.. Are you alone for the new year? What are you gonna do?

- I'll tell you what I'm definitely not gonna do. I'm not washing dishes for 15 guests and cleaning the house the next day. And I will not spend 2 weeks eating and lying in front of the TV, unsuccessfully trying to get my other half off the couch.

- How can you go to this sports club and not meet anyone? I've only been there once and I've had 5 great men ask for a phone number!

- Maybe I'm just more picky?



Protect yourself. Besides you, who will protect you?

And how often do we choose to walk around with a sack full of these stones behind us, humiliating, self-deprecating, devaluing our past, turning our successes, our dreams, our achievements into nothing.

I speak as a psychologist who has seen many such examples: if you keep these stones in your house, if you agree that you are a second kind of person, you do not do so well as your mother/girlfriend Katya/brother Misha – these messages will lie there, preventing sincere friendship, desires, dreams and hopes from growing.

I want to emphasize again: I am talking about people who do not really wish you well. Close people who sincerely love you do not throw such stones, because they do not wear them in the subconscious.

And yet, as a person under the weight of psychological education, I cannot but say about the second option, insincere, but perhaps more true from a professional point of view.

Do not respond to aggression in the same way, for you are a mentally deprived person with an inner emptiness that he is trying to fill. At your expense, of course, but you can understand it! And you can get taller than him. You're not going to insult your grandmother for stepping on her foot on the bus. Her life is so hard. Grandma.

If they are close people and not strangers, talk about your feelings and emotions. The things that hurt you, the things that hurt you. Talk only about yourself, not your opponent, without falling into mutual accusations. There's a chance you'll be heard. Especially if someone loves you but doesn’t know how to express your love.

But again, this rule makes sense to apply to people who are important to you. Which is important for you to keep in your life. And if this is a person from the outside, only pretending to be your friend - why waste energy on preserving the relationship?



Also interesting: Does a woman need friends?

Extra people - it's time to say goodbye!

Excessive tolerance and tolerance can only provoke. As they say, if the mat says “wipe your feet”, then the feet are wiped on it. Do you like the image of an unrequited martyr? I don't. Perhaps if you are not overly patient, it will really alienate some people. But it will attract others.

So it’s up to you: what kind of environment do you need?published



Author: Pimenova Sophia



P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!

Source: www.b17.ru/article/56459/