Today, I appeal to parents because we will talk about HOW to feel sincere love for the children in their "ugly" behavior and WHAT it gives us in the end.
I must say that the type of his character I've never been prone to enthusiasm about children as "natural phenomena". So I perfectly understand parents who "go crazy" from the children's whining or "pristavali", tired of the carelessness or forgetfulness of their children, can not bear to look at the disorder and disorganization of their children...
But luckily for me it was always obvious, and the other, namely, that each child can only be expected that it currently is, and not what is expected from him by others. Want to change the behavior of the child change what he feels, thinks, knows. And how to do it, if it is "imperfect" behavior infuriates and irritate the parent? Even animals in this state it is impossible to approach – no training will not work! What can we say about education!
Here and useful my advice.
One dark autumn night I was met at the bus stop his teenage daughter after skate party in the city centre. It was wet and windy, the phone at my beauty "silent" (which happens), I eagerly stared at the passengers for each bus coming slowly "boil":
— Absolutely not appreciate my special relationship to it! Who would have at that age let you stay up late to missing home (daughter of my akseleratka in all senses, communicating with much older guys)?! And she still late!
The head has begun to emerge accusatory monologue (Oh! I can reasonably say). Then I started to figure out what the future will be deprived of "educational purposes" (plans for "revenge"). Came to mind all sorts of other cases of neozelandese my "parent of the deed", etc. (all for 10 minutes). And then I asked myself a simple question, which is very helpful to be in the present moment: "What am I feeling now?"
"The child is delayed. Maybe there were any complications? So it is especially important to feel confident now protected (our internal state creates the facts of reality), and that I send her from your mother's heart at such a moment?
— A punch in the stomach!
Anxiety and anger mothers ALWAYS take power from the baby! You of this but do not know!"
And I realized, I'm being stereotypical and stupid. If you want people quickly returned home, no matter child or adult, need to give him love and joy, not anger!
It's very simple: you have to remember or imagine a person HAPPY! With all the visual details, with a sense of joy for him and gratitude for his existence in your life.
I immediately, without hesitation, engaged in the visualization: I saw her jubilant daughter on the school stage after the victory of her team in the WHC, complements this case "frames" of the Park, cutting the birthday cake on the birthday ... and then I saw his girl, leaping out of the bus with joy in my address: "Victory is ours!" I breathed a sigh of relief, we embraced and walked to the house.
Along the way I admired the daughter, her shining eyes, flowing blond tresses, listened to the excited details of the competition, and she thought that it is necessary to draw its attention to the delay. But not at the expense of joy — it would be just disgusting, and my anger evaporated. Besides, I clearly understand that it is my "magnanimous" gesture with permission to stay until dark just evidence of my reasonableness, and not "a breath of freedom" (which, incidentally, is typical for today's children – they all take it for granted and did not hesitate to hope for more). So I just told her about what metamorphosis happened to me at the bus stop, as I'm from "angry moms" has become a "guardian angel" and how great everything is over.
You know that answer, my daughter?
"Well, mom, you're a hero! With the "uploaded" mind is still understood me. I'm very grateful and I'll try not to disturb you!"
Since then two years have passed, and I haven't really been any reason to worry — my daughter is always with me "in touch" (and not only in respect to "return on time"). When changing the internal state of one party, inevitably changing the behavior of the other side!
If, at the time of a typical conflict situation
(from child tantrums to insult a teenager) parent is able to mentally recall your child happy and geeky he
, the parent, the joy and admiration – the conflict will not take place
. Suddenly you will see the situation from a new angle, and a compromise there by itself! It works in a variety of situations, at any age.But you need to prepare:
Each child will come in due timeIf the child walks on tiptoe
- record on a sheet of paper at least 15 points as the answer to the question: "What gives me a sense of joy in observing your child, which qualities, characteristics and actions?" For example, "intelligence, nezapomente, funny wiggles his toes, loves animals, knows how to build funny faces..." etc.
- remember a few situations when your child feels joy and happiness (jumping on the trampoline, petting puppies, happy gift for the new year..). The main thing – that you were happily it mentally to watch. That is the image of the child should be such that you could easily test him the warmest feelings. Carefully "consider" these situations: remember the "scenery", the smells, the sounds. The brighter the image will be prepared, the easier it is to "oust" them of negative feelings in the moment and to interrupt the usual conflict.
- at any time when you are friendly to the child, hug him, smile at him, SAY that you love him. Don't be shy! Even if the utensils on this day, not washed, and shoes cleaned! Believe me – it really does not matter, but FOR LOVING man I WANT to do both, and UNHAPPY — on the contrary! Show your love and leave time for response actions. Trust your heart!
Then the inevitable family moments of disagreement will be only the "puzzles," to wit – how "to distribute to all sisters on earrings", and the atmosphere in the house will be transformed! published
Author: Svetlana Dobrovolskaya