Stages of a relationship with the older generation Bashny.Net

Many have noticed – it's hard to maintain the relationship with family as you progress on the path of awareness of their own life. There comes a time when you have unbearable "transfusion from a sieve" at family gatherings, or with enthusiasm to share worries and troubles with each other. It's particularly hard when these people are parents.

As the liberation from the stereotypes, most of us live several stages of reassessment of relations with relatives of the older generation. First, we suffer from the violation of our personal boundaries, then horrified so much about was built into us in those early years, how much interference a parent's love has laid in our adult future.

Then, as the development of the laws of Life, we realize that we chose this family, this clan, and learned a lot thanks to the pressure and incentives of the family because, as you know, the plane takes off against the wind.

A little later we are already able to assess the positive contribution of the closest people in the formation of our character. However, for a long time, forgiving and accepting of those people who raised us as best they could, we continue to carry the pain and the "red button", is laid in childhood – and thus continue to suffer. Liberation occurs "suddenly" and each in their own way.

Forty four million six hundred ninety one thousand three hundred eighty nine



I propose to Your attention one of the examples about the relationship with the mother. Entry from the diary of the transformation from an adult mother of 2 children:

"Kind of strange, but I'll write how I feel. It seems to me, despite the physiological age, the soul of the child. Here there are pluses and minuses. Plus the fact that I can be open, sensitive, willing to trust. But the downside is that children of unstable, emotionally fragile, they are very easy to unsettle, they are vulnerable and too dependent on those who take care of their scares need to make their own choices and decisions. Recently, I have already felt more confident. I have noticed that many previously vybivatsya I have the ground from under the feet of the situation are perceived easier and more natural. But that's not the maturity that would give the feeling of complete self-sufficiency. Is, where to move…

And yesterday realized one can say "plus".

Somehow I did not notice what a tremendous significance for me in life is my mother. That is, I realized that we are very emotionally connected, I turned a life situation experienced with my mom. But yesterday saw things differently. We talked. The first thing I noticed that I was still worried before you call mom. I didn't understand his feelings before. And then straight I saw. And I realized that it is an echo of the fear that it may condemn me, you may condemn my actions or my thoughts. Before her I felt like before the master, and tried unsuccessfully to reach out to that teacher. I was very depressed this need to fit some kind of strap. She was to me as if the prohibitive. And at some point I just tired to stretch, and decided that I was some — albeit ugly, even stupid, to let anything — I've still not become takoooj.

While we were talking, I noticed that she several times moved at my words or actions. I'm not all these estimates were in agreement. But I noticed that I can just watch. Just hear as my mother says and you realize: yeah, mom says so-and-so, but I have a different opinion, and I will hold him down with him. I once told her that I think differently, and then gave her an abstract question on a very earthy theme. I realized that mom's life would consider themselves my great mentor. And that's why I have no longer any desire to discuss with the mother your really personal and deep for me themes.

As soon as I decided, I immediately remembered pictures in those situations when I, inspired by some of their inspiring discoveries, ran, excited, to her share. I quickly tell her my joy and... It was not always a criticism. She is very thorough, calmly and reasonably explained to me why it is not so, and... my joy is rotten in the eyes. It was, as always, ordinary, bland, dull and sad.

And it is clear that no one is to blame. I just didn't realize we were in this moment were completely different positions. And I just poured her energy and then trying to continue to squeeze out at least some potential for later in life.

And yesterday I felt that I did. I got to talk to mom, give her your warmth and love, but it was somehow "behind the scenes". That is essentially a conversation-we're not telling, I talked to her about simple little things, and from the heart flowed love. I realized that I can only continue in this mode. My joy, my intentions, my plans, my happy events and discoveries with me, and the mother is a non — verbal wave of warmth and tenderness. I have not been able to resolve, I thought it was unfair. But now I see that the only way it can be."

Sixty two million one hundred three thousand eleven



And another example, about relationship with dad:

"Girls, yesterday I had an amazing event — it was for me indicative of the result of the huge transformation that happened to me over the past two years!

Start with background: I have a complicated relationship with his father. They have us all hard, but I had a special distinction: my dad is an ardent materialist + in addition, the past 20 years to retirement for length of service worked as head of special investigation service of the tax police (the fact that I am 19 years old chose to become a lawyer is because of him, admired his honesty and generosity), i.e. he was accustomed in life to see the film — it is in this environment (militia/police) among the criminals worked all his life! Therefore it is something difficult to understand about positive thinking is that the world is a mirror... but I'm not trying to change it – just wanted to warm them with my mother with his presence when he came to them!

Although the last two years, the sensitivity is so acute that even a few hours with them in the atmosphere, how they communicate with each other — the continuous negativity and humiliation (these emotions to each other, lashed as with whips of me, they unfortunately do not understand) was given to me with work, so communication with them I have a very normalized – a few hours in day off once a week provided that I am fully in the resource — otherwise it will not stand…

In the summer, when the country – there will, nature, no such intimate contact, so you can spend the whole day with them! That is, the communication last year are very limited for my own good!

So the Pope, because of his profession and education, is a very emotionally reserved person, never expressed their emotions (I have this and the problem was with men I loved and now no emotional contact with my dad there), and I always knew the brain (seen by his actions that he loves me very much, since a lot did for me and in difficult moments in silence support and help)! But, you know, to hug me, to kiss this has never happened in my life! I knew it was MY problem that I need to open up to him – but not forced – couldn't bring ourselves to say out loud that I love him!

The shift was only that I during these two years he completely forgave all wrongs, began to respect and admire (used to think that he treats mom, she's a victim and it was a lot of claims, for these 2 years have realized that all is not well and my dad is just wonderful!) Learned it aloud to praise, to admire him, to ask if I need something, very rarely (once in six months, probably) could embrace at parting, forbidden mom, and I was his to humiliate and scold! Although in their case I never interfered, it's none of my business their conflicts, but I didn't let my mother badly about dad to respond!

And we never talked it over with him – I only knew how he loves me and herself to talk could not say how much I love him did not succeed — right block was terrible! I saw this space – but decided not to rape, not to force, I think – I will work and everything will change itself! Apparently this is a result of the training "a happy partnership" — how much do we there yourself povytaskivali all!

Here's the story: yesterday he calls me and I lie down, feel bad, it hurts terribly! He says why you sound so sad... I explained the situation, he asked, am I going to still work... I CALMLY explained to him my position that there is, and he even UNDERSTOOD me and AGREED with me (first miracle!)

And then it became clear why he calls me mom told him a bunch of stuff in the morning and he felt just horrible – lost, useless man who cannot do anything (in particular to arrange their daughter to work for getting that to work in recruitment in General and doesn't want), she's pushing him all the sick point (he is also now in search of itself, trying to find the thing that gave him pleasure to do it and she told him – you're a bum do not do anything... in General, the essence of the conflict was not important...). It was what HE told ME this called (this is the first time in my life my dad told me about HIS feelings (he's sick) and called and voiced (i.e., admitted to me in my weakness) – I was able to calm him down, tell him how great he is that I love him very much and are very grateful to him for everything he did for me (especially I have always appreciated his non-INTERFERENCE, in contrast to the mothers in my life). I were able to tell him he heard from me as I appreciate it and how I need it, he's a good lad. The first time we talked to him heart to heart, I heard the phone, how he wept! I was able to support him, to convey to him the idea that he's good at what he does everything right, he needs to think more about yourself, about what makes him happy and not listen to others, not to believe their statements that nothing he could call him (and the mother all this makes of course with good intentions — not to blame, some victims).

This is for me such a breakthrough.

First, I was able to tell him about your feelings, it is very important to me, and heard in reply from him that he loves me very much and will always be there no matter what (they me last year got these a hassle that I have to go to employment, work), and then he said that he is trying to understand any position relative to my work and always I will support, even if what I'm doing — he can not understand.

Secondly, I was able to support him, to reassure, to cheer up, he realized that he does everything right and he has nothing for which to feel guilty.

This is awesome! Now I write – of course snot and tears all come forth – but for me it's such progress that relationship with dad, has moved forward that we have become more open to each other! I will now be able to hug him and tell him aloud how good he is — collapsed kind of dam, which was previously not allowed me to openly Express my feelings to him, and therefore all men!

Hurray! This is for me a powerful progress!".published 

 

Author: Gulnara

 

Also interesting: those parents...

How Your parents AFFECT Your relationship with the opposite sex

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: obreteniesili.ru/otnosheniya/lyudi-a-ne-roli.html