Lasher: wound for life

Lasher is a serious wound for life that can not heal then it is very difficult. Rana, who is familiar nowadays almost every child and adult. To let go of childish insults, to remove the imposed stereotypes of behaviour and to realize the full horror of the beating, I had a piece to make this puzzle in the night conversations with God, my husband, in the company's internal search and in the eyes of their children.

First of all, the beating is child abuse. Physical violence, after which the child is a terrible emotional trauma: the one who has to protect him, to teach, to save, to help – the parent becomes the child's eyes terrible offender, from whom there can no longer be any defender.






The consequences of such a breach is catastrophic, because the restoration of confidence and mental treatment of fear will require serious work on the part of adults and the time which is so precious. Beating parent quickly gets used to the terror in the eyes of her child and this horror does not depend on how many times and how badly he was hit. It is always us, the parents beating their children, then feel guilty.

Even if at first we confidently justify a bad behavior of the child, then after a while we feel the oppression of the soul. If the voice of conscience to be potverzhdenie than just drive him to want to cry and feel sorry for yourself, it can be very hard to help himself will need to stop yourself and confidently say "No. In my family, more beating will not."

Smashing is a very strong punishment shows the child that he is bad that he did something bad that he was not like this. He feels humiliated, bad, he ceases to love yourself. It undermines his self-esteem, then it is hard to forgive yourself, respect yourself. The way he refers to himself, he would treat other people. Not being able to forgive yourself, he will not learn to forgive others. Without loving yourself, he will not be able to reveal your love to another person. Not forgiving himself, he will be the bearer of insults from other people that will be hurt inside of him.

I often see on my son that he defends himself justified, in no way agrees that he was wrong, if I or my husband start acting force. I've not even talking about banging! Verbal pressure (not shouting, and that is a confident statement like: "You did very poorly! Sister can not be beat!") is a protest – an attempt to say that he is good. He doesn't want us questioned his goodness. He is clearly afraid to be bad. What then to speak about a beating? It at the root breaks the natural nature of the child, peremptorily saying, "you bad!".

Lasher is draining negative emotions on the child. Parent emotional. Allowing yourself this once, he continues, a drain of emotion or hitting, or shouting, or just a basic flick of the child. We don't even notice how our child is fully dependent on our moods.

For yourself, your friends, families that were in my environment, I can see how born free, and loved, because of the unwillingness to submit to parents ' will (frankly, often selfish sense of ownership), the child becomes completely dependent on the parent and the selfish principles of our, not afraid of the word, sa-mo-dur-tion.

In this case, the child is too young to understand it all. All he feels, is in his little head in just the words "hurt", "afraid", "do not want". Growing up, he will understand more if desired. But without having a deep understanding and due diligence, and carry the experience in my family, these principles will continue to apply in the education of their child.

Only broken people can say "I was beaten up, and rightly so. ! I'm beating, because the child would not otherwise understand!" The person who has grown in love, do not say never. These words to him even in the head can't come because he lives in a different coordinate system.

Wrestling, like any other behavior of the parents is an example to follow. Solving your word problems and inner wisdom, we teach our children patience, and the ability to Express their feelings and thoughts, and the ability to trust the feelings and thoughts of another person, trust and caring. If we don't have the patience for this, that we allow ourselves to shout, and to apply if necessary a fist, showing the child that this is also a method and it is too.

Then the child will grow up in an environment where there is a force on force is a great force, it is always possible to find and to use it. When we say that the world is harsh, it's just our own story about ourselves. Who we are, what we see around us. Do we want the child grew cynical, calculating and capable of any method to achieve their goals? I think this is a very serious question to ponder within yourself.

Lasher is a reason for fear, resentment toward parents, the reason for erosion of trust between parents and children. It is a large brick in the wall between the generations, which successfully builds up between us and our children. Build it up is not difficult: the time to ignore pain or the joy of a child, time does not forgive and does not "skip" by some mistake, the time to praise and not to caress. And having thus lived 13 years, you can be sure that adolescence starts with a well-concreted walls.

Not heard, not seen, a child already and do not want her to scream. He goes to a new world – a world of new opportunities, friends and values, not looking back. We hurt from what we already mean nothing to him, and to him, even if he still did not understand, scary and difficult, but he doesn't turn around, because back lost love to feel its pain, confusion, disrespect, and he knows that won't come back.

Most amazing and scary is that often the child cannot understand why and for what he is beaten. Surprisingly, even though we cry for a long time, and explain and "thirty times saying the same thing", the child often doesn't understand the reason of punishment. He falls into a stopper, state of fear, when the head disappears, he hit my sister or tore the book, and appears only the ability to assess the situation for hazards in relation to himself.

He was watching the parent, his mood, words, intonations, trying to please in order to avoid punishment. Then this ability will grow in the ability to manipulate people. Perhaps, quite unconscious, but thin and working. And while the child has fear, loneliness, pain and hurt.

I talked a lot on the subject of whipping with different people. We discussed different situations, argued, told each other their stories. Someone was convinced that Lasher may be the emergency measure of impact on the child and it is important to distinguish between a slap on the ass and serious injuries. Someone did not accept the word "smashing", said confidently that can not be beat and then slapped his child, seeing in this act nothing to do with the beating.

Someone did not beat never, but doesn't know how to react to the situation, used to go into another room, to hide from critical situations. Often this communication helped me also often left me alone with their questions. I am well aware that I myself need to understand and figure out what I want, I can do what I appreciate and how I feel.

At some point I came to the final result, understanding whipping. And after all: it may be a situation in which you can and should give to the Pope that the child will remember for a lifetime and never did?

Everyone will answer for himself. That's what I told myself.

Beating is child abuse, making it from a free person a slave to their parents. If we parents want our children to have an opinion, know how to defend it, was beautiful and honest, intelligent and insightful, smashing imply this attitude to the child in which to achieve this will never be.

 



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Most often, Lasher suggests that the parent sees this particular situation acute, serious, upset the child's behavior. While it is not known how important this situation really is. It is very important that the child understood the situation correctly, but we do not know how to understand and empathize with your child, do not know how to communicate what I want to say, do not know how to stop their emotions and not understand that their behavior only drives the situation into a corner. In other words, we absolutely do not know how to react differently and experiencing extreme fear. published

 



Source: www.nebej.ru/archives/29

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