The scheme of the "Desire-Obstacle-Award: the motivation system for a child

When my older son Artyom was 5 years old, I thought it would be nice for him to learn to swim. When I offered to write it in the group swimming, we saw a strong reluctance to go there and learn.

Of course, I said, "Why?". The son answered: "Because I can't swim". I said, "So I'll write to you there taught."

In response, it was only dissatisfied person that his trying to get to do what he do does not want.

For some time I tried to get son. Told him that swimming is good for health that will be cool when he can stay on the water and dive deep. In the end, I just wrote it down in the pool: I thought when he sees water, he wants to go. But there it was: flounder in the small fry he liked, but to truly learn to swim he did not want.

Last summer we planned to go to the beach with the whole family. My husband and I have agreed that we will discuss our trip with Tom, and give him the choice of either going to the beach, but then he goes and learns to swim or spend vacation at his dacha in the suburbs. In principle, we, parents, would suit either option. But for my son to go to sea, of course, it would be more interesting. I was sure that for this trip, Tom wants to learn how to swim.

When we began discussing our vacation, I casually told Artyom that to go to sea, not knowing how to swim, not the best idea. And, maybe, better to spend that time at the cottage. What Artem said that the sea is better, and that he will learn to swim! Yay!

Ended February, and we planned to go in early summer, i.e. before the leave was 3 months. I really wanted Artyom learned to swim. But in that moment I understood the main thing that my son is ready to overcome obstacles for the sake of achieving his desire. And the formation of this skill for me was in the story the main. And as a positive side effect — Artemka to fly confidently rested on the water, could swim small pool at the back and was able to dive under the water. At sea, we had a great time, and the son swam and dived in the mask, looking at the beautiful fish and rocks under water.

What is the secret that Artem had a desire to learn to swim? Because in the beginning he was so reluctant to do it. And how I managed to motivate him to do what to do, he is not going to?


There is a clear scheme of how it works:

First, the child has the Desire. In my case, it's a trip the whole family of the sea.In order for this Desire fulfilled, it is necessary to overcome the Obstacle. We have obstacle was to learn how to swim.

And if the Obstacle is successfully overcome, then the child gets the Prize – the realization of their Desires, that is a trip to the sea.

In this scheme, it is important to consider?

First, the obstacle must be within the capabilities of the child. For each age of different obstacles. In young children, some have teenagers – very different. The purpose of the parent to find a job that will not break or anger the child, and allow him to achieve this.

It so happens that the parents put too much obstacle to a child on the way to achieving his desires. For example, if I told the son that the trip will "cost" him the first place in the swimming competition. In this case, will feel the baby? There may be different emotions: resentment, anger, lack of confidence in their own abilities, sometimes indifference. Coming up with impossible obstacles, the parent destroys the child's desire to overcome the difficulties. After all, to get the prize turns out to be practically impossible.

At the same time, the obstacle should not be too simple or absent. When what the child wants, gets too easy, quickly and immediately, then lost a "taste" of achieving your desires. Children who are literally free toys just, feel satiety, and boredom. After all, victory is sweet when there is a feeling that we can overcome a certain obstacle. Then we rejoice and feel satisfied.


Second, the child needs to obtain his prize. If after overcoming the obstacles the child is not receiving the promised and earned prize, that in his soul there are not the best of feelings: resentment, frustration, anger at yourself or others.

Before you promise a prize for overcoming obstacles, the parent must assess their capabilities. Maybe that want your son or daughter, too expensive. Either parents are in principle strongly against the purchase of such a gift, which dreams of a child. And then you should not promise such remuneration, and to look for something that will suit children and parents.


Thirdly, it is desirable that the obstacle and the prize was thematically linked. In my case, "learn to swim" and "going to sea" really complement each other. If an obstacle was the "learn to read", it wouldn't have looked so logical. Therefore, coming up with an obstacle, think about how to persuasively and clearly, combined with the theme of the prize.

Also interesting: How to convince a kid to listen to without tears and whims: 7 soft tech

Advice to mothers of future first-graders


The scheme of the "Desire-Obstacle-Prize" works very well to motivate our children. Use it correctly, and they will always be energized in order to efficiently and happily to achieve your desires and goals.published


Author: Tatiana Sorokina


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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