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Odessa tale "Taki about Little Red Riding Hood." Hold on, now would be incredibly funny!
Bashny.Net
Site publishes the hilarious tale written by a remarkable artist, a storyteller and a "perpendicular to man" (as he calls himself) - Vladimir Lyubarova. - Deee-yeah! Deeee-daa! Dee-yeah! - Little Rita screamed for several minutes, in any did not want to fall asleep
. Monya Old loudly sighed, put on the table his nightly glass of kefir, and turned to his wife, the caster with an iron on a pile of baby clothes svezhestiranoy
-. Basia, meydele, yet come to her granddaughter as she does not give God, not hoarse from his songs both old drayman at the wake port purytsa! Otherwise, I do not know, sho you sing to her mother when she virvet my last gold tooth for a tsures!
Basia put the iron on the board and sailed out of the living room. Some time of Ritochkinoy bedroom came the cooing, and then Ritochkin voice again started its "Dee-yeah! Deeee-daa! ". Basia surrendered unconditionally:
- All! Sha! I'm going for this lazy old fart, your grandfather, who went to you for sho you so bad you eat! - Basia came out of the bedroom, Burch himself. - And I got it for sho, I ask myself? Schaub to drive me to the grave, and bring in Gojko house, I tell myself. Or I do not know this old Jew. He himself thinks he is young sho Solomon in his harem. So he himself thinks ...
She sailed back into the living room and said to her husband:
- Monya, Schaub you sour! - Basia and "switched to Yiddish shobi feygele not understand" - I did tell you der affectionate zitelvort! Eyfele asks der bean Mays. So raised his viola tuhes and still tell her der Mays. Sho you so hard? You spend hours with this grass Mays your militsioner der zwei with a flush floor by di shmurdyak which brews this kurve, his wife!
- Oh-wei, Basia, empty cop! Shaw is when you're talking about a child! She soaks on the go, Schaub she ate kotletkes she hears and learns of your nonsense! I'm still going to say feygele der Mays than to hear you do not love a person only for sho your late grandfather visited the synagogue did so!
Monya, grunting, climbed out of his chair, pulled his flannel robe and shuffled strongly in Ritochkinu bedroom. However, on the threshold, he suddenly stopped and turned to his wife:
- Listen, Basia ... And what a tale to tell her? I Sho - I know what a fairy tale is now
-? Oh, well, tell her some pleasant Mays. The child is all the same, she just wants to hear your voice. She listens to your voice for four years and not more than forty years and still does not know Shaw from this can be hung up.
Monya rolled his eyes and sighed pointedly. But his wife did not answer - Ritochkino "deee-yeah!" Acquired a tone whistle landmine incident. He went into the bedroom, sat on the edge vnuchkinoy ottomans and gently stroked the arm of Rita.
- Well, my joy, what a tale my grandfather to tell you, shobi you've fallen asleep and did quite a bit silent until the morning, let God you never know Shaw is insomnia
? - About the wolf I want! - Demanding reported granddaughter
. - Why do you need for a wolf? - Monia surprised - he whole day on his worn dirty wood, eat any crap and does not like his grandfather. I'd rather tell you in one very clever girl who is well behaved and did successfully married for a very rich jeweler who still wore it on his hands and blew all the dust particles ...
- Pro-ahhh wolf, the wolf-aah! - Rita whimpered
. - Basia! - Mony looked out of the bedroom. - She still wants a fairy tale of the wolf. Shaw we know for a wolf?
- Well, sho? Monya, there seems to have been a wolf who ate drei pieces piglets ...
- Why such a terrible tale to the child? Why would she know how to hurt the stomach after pork, even if this woman, her mother, long forgotten for kosher food? She thinks she can eat sho sho got as these healthy goyim. So these healthy goyim can eat cucumber with milk and openly laugh in the face of indigestion. While eating it, Shaw prepares your aunt Celia, impunity will not be able, even the most healthy goi ...
- Deee-yeah! Pro-wolf ahhh!
- Basia ?!
- Oh, well, tell her of the girl in a red beretke. Who wore her grandmother pirozhkes. There was a wolf?
- In my opinion I was, but he too ate some poison, and then it was a niche-git from the belly? Or not? I do not remember the same ... No, but still I can remember, but not all. But I will try ... Listen, sweetheart. Once there was a grandmother. And she said to her daughter: "My daughter! Or do not you ashamed? All my life I screamed, shobi you become a decent person, so I still can ever see from you a little bit nahes? "So she went and speckle for grandma little pirozhkes. But this little train - they still have to be attributed to the grandmother. These same children had no shoby visit old parents. They come only when they are needed again gelt. Then they remember about my father and mother. You'll come to my grandfather just like that, yes, my life? And not just when your mom befall another gelibte and she lathered on shpatsir! You're coming, right? A grandfather will always give you a little gelt you shoby nothing itself did not refuse!
Basia appeared in the doorway and "put things in order»:
- Monia tell has the red and beretku shlimazel this wolf! Shaw Air you twist the poor girl? She did not need to know about sho do you think of his daughter senseless, she needs to know about the Mays that you can not tell! Give the child to fall asleep! You're forty-six years old will not let me sleep, so at least have pity on the child!
- Sha, Basia! Sha! Sho you yelling, as a trader in the village nashvarg Hanukkah near the synagogue? Give me a bit of silence, so I'll say the same for the wolf. And why did the wolf shlimazel? I've never heard of a wolf Schaub was shlimazel?
- Monya, he shlimazel because sho you shlimazel. You twins, Monya, and both of you ever think for some gesheft on which except the stone in the kidney does not work. Why the gray bully fond of the poor girl ?! Why do you need this blond shiksa with Dry floor? Sho you become attached to it? Shaw can you offer her? Your hemorrhoids? He did so you have a large, but on the other hand, and a single woman this may seem a little.
- Basia, meydele, or you just shut up your pysk or tomorrow I'll go directly to Magadan, but not on their own. Where are you listening to these dirty tricks? You again hung on the phone with your sister Tsiley, Schaub morning I have a chair as easily as it ever breshet ?! Get out of the room, let me say for the wolf!
- About beretku not forget lovelas with cones! - Basia proudly left the doorway, as always, leaving the last word
. Monya turned to her granddaughter and continued:
- Well, then here is well ... So this daughter, her mother called her daughter, her granddaughter and told her to carry pirozhkes her grandmother. And she said to her: "Oh, so cold in the street, sho compared to sho there in our fridge is still possible to boil soup. So you think your head, sho you wear on your head and get the same red beretku that gave you your grandmother on my birthday, but I ask for money. " Since then, my life, it is only in this way is called - "Red Beretka your grandmother." Girl wearing beretku, took pirozhkes and still went to his grandmother. Are not you asleep yet? Well my God, I say to you at midnight Mays, and you're as rewarding as your wonderful mother and her lovely mother. Shaw else do you want me to say ?!
- Where is the wolf, grandfather? - Rita said, calling on all their harmfulness to help in the fight with sleep
. - Oh-wei, Basia ?! Taki sho there with the wolf? There generally was a wolf, I'm not sure ?!
- Monya, he was there and had the same shlimazel like you and had the same tsures, and you sho
! - Oh, sho you talking about ?! And it's now called the children's fairy tale ?! Wolf hemorrhoids ?! Well, my God, I lived Schaub ...
- What hemorrhoids, Monia? And then the hemorrhoids? What do you think - your cones you know where ?! He had not hemorrhoid! He was even worse.
- Meydele not scare me - I have a bad serdtse! Even worse?! It sho - still was married for Ziehl your sister ?! Poor defenseless predator! How do I tell such horrors four-year child ?!
- Monia, listen here and zli me at night if the night does not want to be the last, Schaub you were fit to a hundred and twenty, and another who I will bury, and marry for this blond Gojko with Dry floor, Schaub I do not live up to this shame! This wolf had your tsures - he was deaf, blind and kept saying all sorts of nonsense. Taki tell the child already Mays! Well?! Come on - "Wolf, wolf, and sho you with eyes?»
! - Oh, I still have remembered! Listen, little, look, my life. Taki sho wolf had something with that your aunt Tsiley, otherwise how could he know about pirozhkes and was waiting for the girl, hungry, like your grandmother after Easter lunch at the same aunt Qili?
- Monya, you did so decided to annoy me at night, huh? - Again I heard the voice of the Bassin. - I told you sho ?! Shut up and tell your pysk already "Wolf, wolf, and sho you with eyes?»!
Monya hopelessly caught:
- So this Red Beretka came in and asked: "Wolf, and Shaw Do you have eyes?". "And sho I have eyes?" - She meets a wolf. - "Sho you wrong with my eyes ?! Who do you listen to - your grandmother? Cataract? John hulem! Still, I can see perfectly, even when your grandmother makes me fynster in both eyes! »
- "A sho you have ears?"! - Again, "suggested" Basia
. - "A sho you have ears?" - Listen Monia, - I said then Beretka. "And sho I have ears ?!" - said Wolf. - "I can hear perfectly. I have even heard your grandmother whispered to you in the next room about the polyps. Taki any polyps ?! I have excellent hearing! Schaub And you yourself well know ... »
- Monia! - Interrupted "a replica of the wolf" Basia. - "And you sho teeth ?!»
- A sho my teeth? - Frightened Monya. - Shaw is already ?! Crown lost ?!
- That is not you! In wolf!
- Oo-oo-uh! You still drive me to myocardial these stupid stories! You sho - just could not tell ?! Well, listen, my life. So she tells him: "And so you sho teeth ?!" And the wolf she replies: "And sho my teeth ?!". So Beretka he also says: "Why do you ask? You sho - do not you see? Or did not you hear? "And sho do you think, my life? Shaw said after the wolf? And as he had wished I sho still ate my grandmother? Rita? Rita? Oh, she was still asleep, my feygele.
Mony got up, adjusted his blanket, gently, not breathing, gently kissed the forehead sleeping granddaughter and tiptoed out of the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him.
- Basia? She's still asleep. I told you Shaw? She needs your Mays? She did not wonder about the wolf, especially sho you did give say a word? A smart girl like her grandfather. Tomorrow, I did tell her about the jeweler, let the child rejoice. All I'm awfully tired, even to drink kefir no strength. Oh-wei, I did not have a boy ...
In the bedroom, lying in bed next to her husband, Basia tossing from side to side, settling, and already half asleep said:
- Monya, you still shlimazel. You even can not be said Mays, shobi you wanted to hear. I have no price, do you understand? Forty-six years old, just think!
Monya turned to his wife and kissed her on the cheek.
- You know, Basia. I still remember what he ate poison ... In the red wolf beretke. Still, I understand his stomach. Better if he just died ... Go to sleep already, meydele! Tomorrow morning I will, God willing, I will open my eyes and I will restore you to endure, you Schaub was healthy up to one hundred twenty. So let me finally a little bit of that precious silence, which is different from the cemetery thy mighty hropen
Notes
viola! - old bob Mays - a fairy tale, gossip gelibte - lover gelt - money zitelvort - curse < John hulem - dream meydele - girl nahes - happiness nashvarg - sweets niche-git - bad < / puryts - head empty cop - empty head pysk - mouth tuhes - ass feygele - bird flush - bottle fynster - dark hropen - snoring tsures - trouble, sorrow shlimazel - failure shpatsir - walk Air - eggs eyfele - granddaughter
via izbrannoe.com/news/yumor/taki-pro-krasnuyu-shapochku/
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