Notes. day 246

< Patri

Perhaps it is wrong when a young girl is not pleased. You know, I have a couple of weeks if not happy. No small things happen. when I am working, or were out shooting, or a picture drawn out, the inspiration, all the cases. but it is illusory, so fleeting. this is just a cat walked beside my face and whiskers tickled his cheeks and nose. feeling of joy was the same. I was laughing. I was terribly afraid of being tickled. and you know what skin I megachuvstvitelnaya. nerves -. the same

Perhaps it is wrong, when every day you ask yourself the same question: why? Why do I live? Why I'm doing this and that? What's the point of this? it all went to dick! and then I feel ashamed of these destructive thoughts. And then I wonder, that they are not too disruptive. and then I think how all this stupid and pointless, and then - on the contrary ... the end of the day I get confused to such an extent that it seems to me that this kind of depression. and it would be all right, and it would be possible to write off all this, it is convenient, at least ... but damn. I do not believe in depression.

Probably, it is very difficult - to love me. love you out, you say, and you hard. although I will not strain. I do not even tell you when I find it difficult. I'm a strong type. but weak as hell. and I did not want to talk. what can I say? nonsense. still somehow something will. happen or not happen.

I guess I want to go home, although I do so at home. and I do not miss. can you imagine? absolutely. nor by whom, and not for anything. I read Osho and breathing becomes calmer. He was a wise man. I have a few words of his mesmerizing and I calm down. I think this is. ... though we all call normal? ..

It seems to me that I was blown away, like a gel air balloon. tired of anything to think about. a lot to do. a winter blanket and not bought. Considering that the heater I did not include this in the winter, because the beat traffic jams, it had to be my main concern. but I so do not care what the most frightening.

But all this nonsense and blues. Good Night to you. Tomorrow we will all be changed. Probably.


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