It so happens that many people believe that a sense of guilt - it is a very good feeling. And the man who accuses himself - is a good man, he has a conscience. And if there is conscience, then he is honest.
But this is absurd!
After all, it is he who blames himself, and there is a bad and dishonest. He keeps saying, "I am bad, I am unworthy, I acted dishonestly." And such thoughts, he draws the appropriate situation. Punishment has no one changed for the better.
It has often been written that all situations in life we are creating themselves - their thoughts, feelings, emotions. Feelings of guilt - the most destructive of all
Always ask yourself the magic question: "Why? Why are you punishing? Why are you constantly accuse, criticize and criticize? »
Not everyone will be able to respond to them immediately. We used to ask ourselves some questions: "Why? Why? "But it's not the question. They do not help to make a difference, but only bring more pain.
So why do people blame and punish themselves?
Imagine how adults punish children. Why do they do it? Probably, in order that the child did not do something that adults feel bad. They keep telling a child, "Do not do it. Do not go there. This is bad. It's dirty. It's horrible". Punishing a child, adults tend to become better, to change their behavior. I have feelings of guilt and punishment of a great intention.
But there is a paradox.
Punishment teaches what not to do, but does not teach what to do instead.
Consider this example. You hurt a loved one. You do not want this, but committed such an act, by which the offense responded. You have created this situation. And this man, too, have made it. You brought this man his aggression, but he drew you with his touchiness. There is a situation, and there is the action and reaction of two different people for the same event. No blame to any or the other. Each had certain thoughts, and each received a corresponding result.
There are several ways to respond to this situation.
First. If you feel guilty, then his guilt will attract into your life the same situation, but now you will not be in the role of the offender, as well as offended.
Second. If you think you are right, but do not change their behavior, then the next time you create the same situation again. It will turn a vicious circle. You will constantly bring pain to others.
The third method. To take the responsibility. Determine how your behavior and what your thoughts you have created this situation. Look at this event from the beginning to the end and think about what you have been taught it is positive. It was a positive, rather than negative. And create new behaviors, new thoughts. Decide for yourself whether you should be in the role of the offender? If not, what other actions you make your nice person?
It turns out that everything is very simple: made some action - get the result (not punishment). I do not like the result - to change their behavior (without penalty). And change behavior as long until you get the desired result.
It turns out this chain: the behavior - the result - a new behavior - a new result
Forgive yourself! I'm sorry for the past, for the present and, in advance, for the future. You are in no way to blame.
Our subconscious mind is directly connected with God, with the Universal Mind. And so in any situation, a person always goes in the best way. So whether or not to punish yourself for the best of what you do then, in that situation, we were able to?
Take responsibility instead of guilt - it means learning to make choices in their lives. Guilt and punishment are not given a choice. A sense of responsibility to create new ideas and ways of behaving. It is important not to just stop doing anything, and learn to do something new, more positive than the old one.
Valery Sinelnikov, "Love your illness»
Carlos Castaneda "A Separate Reality"